Monday Mindful Manifestation

Ooh look what’s back this week! Idk if it’s Mercury Retrograde but this weekend has been flooded with a few hard hitting realizations.

Sunday was World Mental Health Day and USUALLY I have some well thought out post on social media and my blogs but this weekend I was just… I had the worst creative block. And a sneezing fit. But that’s different.

And if I could grant you peace of mind, would it be enough?

Something about this segment that seems to repeat itself through out Hamilton lives rent free in the front of my mind lately, not just that but it strikes a cord with me.

I struggled a lot growing up. I was shy because I was insecure. I was insecure because I was never encouraged; I was encouraged by my Lolo but he passed away when I was 9 and I had nothing after that. I was told a lot of hurtful things growing up that undermined my intelligence, my perception of myself being a good person, my beauty, my anything. Anything you could think of. I spent a lot of my childhood depressed and feeling worthless. I TRULY DEEPLY felt like I was a waste of space. That everyone in my life would be so much better off and happier without me bringing them down or getting in their way.

I still carry these insecurities with me. I’m MUCH more aware of them and it only took me 30-something years to realize most of them were far from true. Here’s the thing though — you could be 110% aware that something isn’t true about you. But because it was drilled into your head that it “is true” you start to doubt yourself. DESPITE KNOWNING that it’s not true.

I had refused to wear shorts and skirts and dresses until I was 31. And I fuckin lived in Florida. I refused to be outside of my house in anything less than a tee shirt. I hated my legs, I hated my shoulders, I hated my collarbone. I hated that I was flat chested. I couldn’t understand why anyone would truly be attracted to me. At 13 I started thinking about suicide. At 14 I met my really sweet friend Dru. He was adorable and popular and he was really sweet and kind. And I was like, in love with him for awhile, I asked him out like 5 times and he said no every single time. It’s cool, I never held it against him. And honestly we’ve been really close friends for the last 21 years, so.

I have so many memories of him convincing me that I’m worth something. That my life is mine to make. And even now 21 years later he still reminds me he needs me here. This year I’ve been reminded that people really fuckin love me. People really fuckin support me. I have the MOST amazing friends a girl could ask for.

This is getting way longer than I thought it would.

My friends have played a huge part in helping me build myself back up.

Just stay alive, that would be enough

I caught COVID in May and the amount of friends who would check up on me, who sent me get well gifts… was touching. I know my friends love and care about me, but I guess I just didn’t really think about how much I meant to them. This year has been reminders of exactly that and it’s something I’ve needed.

This week I want to manifest that everything I think I am, I am. I want to stop selling myself short.

5 Ways to Self Sabotage Your Own Health

5 Ways to Self Sabotage Your Own Health

When it comes to our own health we tend to make excuses for ourselves, yet when it comes to someone else’s sometimes we have the most to say when it’s really not our place/business. I know I’m guilty of this! I don’t eat as well as I use to (really trying though) but I do know I think about it often and tell myself next week, next month. It’s not about going hot turkey (is that the opposite for cold turkey or nah) on being health conscious, it’s about making mindful steps towards better habits for yourself.

But we’re not talking about that here, we’re talking about the 5 ways you can sabotage your own health (and yourself).

| Eating straight up crap

Eating crap will make you feel like crap. Period. I love McDonald’s just as much as the next person but eating it all week or super frequently can’t be good for you. There are some times I can eat something super unhealthy and just feel it cling to my insides if that makes sense lol. Fast food places offer healthier stuff but at the end of the day, it’s still fast food.

I know for me when I add more fruits and veggies into my meals I tend to feel better. Less heavy. The only thing I can’t kick is soda and coffee. But hey, well have to have “our thing”. Though sometimes coffee really makes me feel worse than better. I know this one is a “duh” but it still needs to be pointed out.

| Being un-active and wondering why you’re always tired

I’m totally outting myself with this one.

Since moving to TX I don’t go out as much as I use to, and when I do, I don’t do a lot of walking like I did when I lived in Florida. Bub isn’t big on walking and since it’s hot here the majority of the year, sometimes he won’t even leave the car. That makes it hard for me to find time to just walk like I use to. Because of this, my sciatic nerve has been acting up and that shit is not fun. I do find on days when I walk a lot it’s not as painful.

Makes me miss living in Florida and going to Disney World all the time.

I do find that when I’m less busy/active I tend to be MORE tired. I mean I don’t sleep well and I haven’t since 2006 (really need to get that checked) and since giving birth I REALLY don’t sleep at night; but I try to be active. Tums likes to play hide and seek and kick ball (in the apartment) so I take every chance I can to actively play with her. I find that if I’m more active during the day I’m less likely to want/need a nap; verses when I’d spend all day in bed or have nothing going on, I tend to be more tired and sleepy.

| Ignoring your own boundaries

I think most people are guilty of this one because we want to avoid conflict. Which is totally valid. But what is the fine line between it all? Everyone has their own set of boundaries for a reason, and sure we let people slide from time to time to avoid conflict but that’s just us self sabotaging.

Boundaries are hard for other people to understand, especially if your boundary is something that was “okay” at one point or if it’s something they don’t like — or can’t control you with. But it’s important to you and your well being to stand by your boundaries and enforce them when they need to be.

| Drowning yourself in work because you can’t find/afford therapy

Hai, me outting myself again!

Therapy is a bitch to find in TX and when you do find it, you have to go through so many things just to be able to finally SEE a therapist. It’s so crazy and time consuming. I have a habit of throwing myself into work in general but also intensely so when I’m in a mood.

The Rock says this interesting thing a lot: “I hit the gym so hard because I refuse to go to therapy.” or some shit. But that was my eye opening moment that everyone goes through it and a lot of us find vices instead of help. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that, at all. I think this habit of mine is productive, but that’s just me.

| Not listening to yourself

Your gut won’t lie to you. Ever.

If you feel like a place, person or situation isn’t good for you… you’re probably right. If you feel like your body is telling you to chill tf out and rest, you probably need to. WE usually know what’s best for us, more than anyone else but we listen to everything and everyone else BUT ourselves.

It’s def time to start listening to ourselves more.

What are some other ways that belong on this list?

Monday Mindful Manifestation

Talk less, smile more. Don’t let them know what you’re against or what you’re for.

Possibly the worst advice I’ve ever heard. I watched Hamilton not too long ago and I’m completely utterly obsessed. It’s been the only thing I’ve been thinking about for DAYS now. I mean I started listening to the soundtrack months before I decided to watch it. I just figured it wasn’t my type of musical. Despite 2021 seems to be my year of historical fiction.

That moment when you realize you’re probably Alexander Hamilton in this musical. Minus the advice he gave his kid. I refuse to watch that entire scene ever again. Mf I was sobbing and I never cry at movies.

It’s a pet peeve of mine to come across people who don’t stand for anything. Not just that, but have the audacity to stop someone else from standing what they believe in. I don’t need anyone to fight my battles, never have and never will. But also, don’t stand in my way. If you don’t agree with me, cool. Sit ya ass down. My ex husband (when he was still my bf) hated that I was pro-gay up until we divorced. He literally thought that children who are AROUND gays would turn gay themselves. I remember buying a shirt when I was 19 that said “I you don’t believe in gay marriage, don’t marry one” and he thought it was “stupid”. He hated that I was passionate about animal rights. He hated that I wasn’t a fan of eating meat either. And don’t even get me started on how “stupid” he thought being vocal about mental health was. Or how he was convinced I was “making up” OCD and anxiety because “that shit isn’t real” DESPITE that I went to therapy for 8 years. That he would come with me to. WEEKLY. But you know, yeah, I’m def making this shit up. Mf, what.

It was his theory that if you stayed quiet, no one would have anything against you. Spoiler alert: if a mf wants to hate on you, they will.

I think I’ll talk more and smile less. I think I’ll let them know what I’m for and against so there isn’t a chance for miscommunication. Is it possible to manifest staying true to yourself?

Btw, Aaron Burr annoys me lol.

Monday Mindful Manifestation

Hey guys!

I know this post is going up late but at least it’s going up today lol!

Last week/end was a bit challenging; where one part of my life did amazing, it wasn’t without some kind of drama. Which is fine, sisters fight or disagree. It’s what they do. But the drama was escalated a little further than that. Which I wasn’t expecting. But that’s all I’m going to say about that. I’m not going to let anything distract me from something I worked hard for, the universe likes to throw curve balls.

I have some super exciting things going into production for my shop this week. My husband also drew a few ghost Pokemon’s for me to use since I was flipping my shit over how much I was struggling with them. One of them is going to be my Ko-Fi option for October as a keychain! There’s also an option for a sticker instead or both! I was hoping to launch it for Sept but I haven’t come up with a theme sooo, yeah, that shipped sailed lol.

This week I’m also planning my Disney Halloween trip! I’m super excited for this and I’ll be trying both Halloween snacks as well as Food & Wine eats! I’m also going to be seeing some friends I missed on my last trip that I’m absolutely looking forward to seeing — and a brand new cutie who’s due this week!

This week I want to manifest;

The reminder that even if something else in your life is sinking, it doesn’t mean everything else sucks. Not at all. The ability to be able to choose what I want to invest my energy in, foreal this time and do exactly that.

… and the ability to post reguarly here again!

Wishing you all a safe and productive week ahead!

Monday Mindful Manifestation

Hey all you wonderful people!

So glad to be here for another MMM and I know it’s been a minute since I’ve posted one.

Designing Fall & Halloween tees and stickers have been my biggest projects this month and I’m super excited about them!

I managed to make a handful of sales last week, and I’m so thankful for that and the support! I redid my Ko-fi page to now include memberships where I send out monthly stickers and keychains depending on which one you pick! I’m having a lot of fun designing stickers and tees and I’m both excited and extremely overwhelmed with getting the Fall/Halloween stuff up!

There still moments, lots of moments, where I don’t know if what I’m doing is worth it. But as long as I’m having fun and as long as it’s helping my mental health, it is def worth it. At least that’s what I remind myself.

Dreams won’t work unless you do.

Manifestation is crazy; and it’s something I believed in for a really long time but didn’t know there was a word for it. But I truly believe if I stay focused, and if I keep my mind positive and clear then I can achieve anything. Even something as crazy as seeing this tiny business of mine take off. And I know the universe is there to see me and hear me.

This week I’m manifesting just that: to keep my mind positive and clear and work as hard as I can. And to remind myself that the universe got’s me.

What’s something you want to manifest this week? Beyond that, how have ya’ll been?

Life Update | Oh hi, I miss you

Since prepping and launching my Etsy store, my blogs and most of my social media have kind of.. been pushed to the side. Not on purpose, it just sort of happened.

I did finally launch my Etsy shop, which I’m very excited about. What started off as a Disney creative outlet turned into a Filipino inspired one instead. I do have a bunch of Fall ideas that are Disney/non Filipino themed, but it’s just crazy how that sort of happened. I’ve been playing with a bunch of sticker paper and I even gave in and bought a full sized Cricut because the Joy was pissing me off. So now I’m on the search for my favorite type of paper and finding the right lament… and holographic paper. It’s a lot lol. Ironically the tee’s are way easier to design/produce. There isn’t much there to search for lol.

I got to see Wicked for the 15th time last night as an anniversary gift from Bub. In all the 14 times I’ve seen Wicked no one else has bought my (or the person coming with me) tickets. So it was kind of nice to have him buy my tickets but I also felt super bad. We did have floor seats and I’m glad he enjoyed the musical. The Glinda on tour is my favorite. She’s so extra and bubbly and cute. I loved her performance! Tums didn’t come with us, but we bought her a Wicked plushie lol. We had to. We’re those parents. She loves him though, so that’s all that matters.

Literally all of July in my camera roll is shirts and stickers I’ve been designing, inspo shots and like the random Target trip lol.

I am however SO ready for Fall!

How have all of you been? I miss being here!

4 daily things I do to up my brain game

I didn’t use my thinking stuff much in high school; I spent most of it well high. After getting kicked out of school (which yes, I did on purpose) and being put into a continuation high school, that’s when I randomly decided to be better. I would read the newspaper before History class (it was encouraged) every day. I was on the school paper, leadership and I was part of the team who built the school’s website. In all I had 7 classes and 2 jobs.

I love bringing it up because it shows that you are not your past choices. That you can change your life around any time you want to. And because it was my turning point; for a lot of things.

As I got older, I was lucky that the things I enjoy doing on my own are things that help you keep your brain active. But after giving birth, I found a lot of things were just harder. Memory-wise, thinking-wise… “mommy brain” isn’t cute. And even now, 2 years later, it still pisses me off if I forget what I’m saying mid-sentence. Or if I can’t remember why I opened a browser tab or walked into a room. And if I forget a word in convo, yeah it pisses me off. It shouldn’t, I know that, but it just does.

Here are 4 things I do daily to keep my brain active;

Monday Mindful Manifestation

Bit of a late MMM post this week; accidently on purpose fell asleep with Tums during her nap. But I did wake up to boba and Chipotle so that was super nice.

This song has been on repeat for awhile now. And yes, I yet have still to watch the movie.

Feeling safe enough to be yourself unfiltered: a love language.

As I get older I’m shocked to see what are things I thought were my love language are really just shallow preferences. And it makes me wonder; if me and my ex husband didn’t split when we did, would our relationship had only got worse? By the time we split he wasn’t my ride or die anymore. He discouraged more than encouraged and it hurt every time he did. Or would make some backhand comment the second my personality shifted, knowing that it tends to shift a lot. He use to learn things on Photoshop just so he could teach me.

He never censored me though, ever. If his mom or friends had something to say about me and “my attitude” he’d defend it. It wasn’t until the end I felt filtered. But even then he told members to fuck off and leave me alone.

My life since then has just been a big blob of: people who don’t know me so they try to silence me because they don’t like that I talk about uncomfortable topics. Like mental health. Loss. Or they just think my dark humor “isn’t funny”. Well no bitch, it’s really not suppose to be. But it IS funny to those of us who suffer every damn day so back off. Pop a Xanax and mind ya business.

There is such a huge stigma against mental health. And instead of trying to hear people out, you try to silence them. Only encouraging that stigma. And do you know how hard it is for people to find help for their mental health as it is? How expensive and how many different routes you have to take JUST to find help?? Why would you want to make it harder on someone than it already is?

I honestly feel uncomfortable when people talk about God and Jesus this and that. But I have never told someone not to. Or commented on their posts. I literally just keep scrolling. It takes 2 seconds, to just keep. scrolling.

Thank goodness for the internet and the mental health community. Seriously.

This week I want to manifest a reminder to speak my truth. A reminder of my why: so that other people don’t have to feel unheard or unseen.

Monday Mindful Manifestation

Monday Mindful Manifestation

My Cricut came in last weekend and I’ve been nonstop messing with the Cricut program, doing test prints and watching endless amounts of YouTube videos and TikToks (I even made a TikTok account for my crafting stuff @ siinfulart).

I’m finding that I expect myself to know how to use a product I have zero experience with. And I know where this mind set stems from — it’s the same reason why I get frustrated with myself when it comes to Photoshop CC.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong confidence. There’s nothing wrong with having high expectations of yourself. But not allowing yourself to fail and learn because “this should be easy to understand” is not helping you, it’s hindering you and any progress you could be making.

I pride myself on pushing myself out of every comfort zone I can find; physically. I didn’t realize I had some inner ones to work on.

I don’t think most people realize when you give birth, even your mind changes and re-adapting to it really fuckin sucks sometimes. I feel like I don’t even know who I am most days.

So this week I will allow myself to fail. I will allow myself to make mistakes. To learn through those processes.

No, this isn’t suppose to be easy. And that is totally okay. 2021 was suppose to be about learning, growth and trying to find yourself again. Allowing myself to fail and fail hard is part of the process 💕.

What is something you want to manifest this week? Let me know in the comments below 👇🏻.

Monday Mindful Manifestation

I love these; really wish I knew what to search for when it comes to the cute illustrations on Canva!

I’m feeling a bit neither here or there today. The weekend was a bit of a blur. I am feeling a little discouraged but this is how I work sadly. I get super obsessed and excited about a project idea… then I kind of… debate quitting. The only thing that’s never happened with is blogging. But blogging/journaling has always been my personal therapy so it probably isn’t seen as a project in my head? I’m not sure.

This week I’m manifesting a little bit of self care.

I find that if I tend to stray away from talking on the phone or verbally talking to my bff’s I get like this more often lol. Doesn’t help that they both have super time consuming jobs (a firefighter and a mental health wing nurse), the time zones don’t help either but this is adulthood.

I have also stopped Saging and it’s been a bit since I’ve done aromatherapy. I don’t even remember the last time I took a bubble bath — I’m not sure why all of these things I loved have slipped away from me suddenly.

If you’re struggling like I am lately; here’s your reminder to take some time for you this week. No one’s got you like you got you. So it has to be some sort of priority that you take care of yourself, for your sake and sanity.

I hope to remember to Sage more this week, to read a new book, take a walk on the treadmill at the gym (I find it soothing) and squeeze in a bath this week (I got myself a Sleepy bath gift set for myself this weekend from LUSH).

What are some ways you’re hoping to indulge in a bit of self care?