Monday Mindful Manifestation

I stumbled on this quote on Pinterest last week. I’m not sure if this is actually something I can manifest but it’s something I can definitely consider. Well I guess I could manifest it too.

I use to be a pretty open book; I don’t add people to my FB unless I know them or know I can trust them. When I added my in laws my mom told me to either delete them or to stop talking about my mental health. She was afraid they’d think I was crazy. I told her not to worry and they don’t judge like that. Not to mention one of my husband’s sisters works in mental health.

What I didn’t know was that they were pretty selective lurkers. It seems like they’d catch a gist of my post but now the whole thing. So in January when his mom and sisters targeted me, his adopted sister in law and his adopted brother in law, his bio sister who works in mental health and his mom had a lot to say about my mental health. Saying I was full of shit and I was crazy and basically everything my mom warned me about.

Granted this is the second time in laws have done this to me.

Don’t you just hate when your mom is right?!

But there are so many of my friends that message me thanking me for being so honest and transparent about the things I struggle with because it helps them feel less alone. Because it helped them sort out their own feelings about a similar situation. And I end most of these posts on a positive note.

Ever since I was diagnosed with OCD, depression and mild anxiety I wanted to change the conversation. I hated how my ex husband thought I was “making it up”. I hated how hard it was to find info on OCD and anxiety back then (think the days before Google). I read every article I could find, every book. To try and understand why this was happening to me. If it was cureable. If it would ever go away.

How could your brain just break and how do you unbreak it?

I didn’t like how alone I felt, and I don’t want anyone else to feel alone. Anxiety is already a very unkind friend living in your head. Just be fuckin kind to other people. I’m pretty sensitive when someone attacks me because of my anxiety. And I’m most likely going to cut them off forever because they are literally not my type of my people and definitely not my audience.

Because of this I have scaled back on posting on FB at all. I don’t even know the last time I posted a picture of the kiddo. And tbh, that’s unfair to my mom.

So I could remind myself that writing about what hurts helps people.

And all I ever want to do is make people feel less alone. Less misunderstood. It’s just so hard to write when I’m constantly wondering if they’re lurking my stuff for more shit to talk about me. And yes, it shouldn’t matter. But it makes me so uncomfortable.

Last time this happened it was the final straw that made us consider a divorce, it got so bad I tried filing for a restraining order against my then mother in law and sister in law.

But this is something I struggle with every day and it fuckin sucks.

Friday Finds

This week has been a bit of a blur and emotions; I’ve been waiting for my clarity to come back and now that it has slowly started creeping in, so have other thoughts and memories and emotions. My dad’s birthday was also this week. Adult things are stressing me out from when I somehow just didn’t adult.

I’ve also spent most of this week focusing on SEO, social media marketing, especially with Pinterest. Although I have 10+ years of experience in blogging and social media and even though I graduated in social media from Full Sail University (in Dec of 2015, it’s been awhile), social media and the world of blogging is always changing and with everything that’s happened in the last few years… I’m trying not to beat myself up about falling behind. The important part is that I’m back to wanting to LEARN the new systems.

〉I invested in some of Ell’s courses and I’m only 60% into the Pinterest one, it’s full of so much information it’s making my head spin. In a good way! She offers 3 free courses if you’re looking to update yourself as well!

〉I’ve also been slightly slowly prepping for NaNoWriMo this year; I had the urge to start a story a few nights ago on a whim. Which literally hasn’t happened in about 6 years. So I’m pretty excited about that. I signed up for Swoon Reads and I’m hoping to craft a manuscript before they open up for submissions again.

〉ICYMI I posted a book review, I’m pretty psyched about this as well.

I also got back into YouTube… well slightly. I’m getting there. I don’t have a set schedule for posting since I don’t have all the time to make videos like I use to, but I’ll figure something out.

〉I’ve been reading up on blogging and niches from Twins Mommy, a blog I stumbled on through Pinterest.

This week has been a bunch of reading, researching and learning. Hopefully next week I’ll have some fun links to stumble on that I can share!

Did you stumble on any interesting reads this week? Let me know in the comments below!

3 Weekly Things I Do As Self Care

3 Weekly Things I Do As Self Care

It’s 355am, clearly sleeping isn’t one of them. At least without a sleeping aid. I’ll get that checked, some day (that’s another story for another post).

Welcome to the summer edition of this sort of feature I suppose. As seasons change so do our routines and surroundings. Self care is more of a journey than a destination and my ways of caring for myself change every now and then. It’s always interesting to see what I’ll add and what I’ll take away. And even more interesting when I don’t even noticed I’ve added something until I look back at my camera roll (please say I’m not the only one).

That pandemic is still in full force; possibly in even more fuller force? At least here in Texas it seems to be getting worse. But we all knew that was going to happen, right? Still, it’s starting to test the limits of my anxiety and intrusive thoughts. I’m honestly surprised it took 3 months for it to start itching but I still need to get it under control. FAST. Of course when there’s a life threatening virus no one can see and can be easily transported ANYWHERE it’s kind of hard to not be paranoid (my husband’s uncle tested positive very recently but thankfully his mom and himself tested negative, though I’ve heard of false results and my ocd is RUNNING TO THE MOON with that info let me tell you).

Continue reading “3 Weekly Things I Do As Self Care”