I’ve been feeling like I’m stuck lately. Like in some weird whack ass limbo space and it’s really starting to get on my nerves. It feels like I’m fighting against a current to just do anything remotely productive.
Maybe I’m just supposed to chill. Maybe I’m just supposed to rest. Plan my next move.
But I’m the type to never rest.
I hate taking naps. I hate wasting a whole day doing nothing. I hate waking up late.
I always feel like I should be doing and achieving more. I feel like there’s so much to learn and see to sleep.
Thinking of this weird space as a setback is also messing with my mental health. I’m spending way too much time worried about why and how did I get here. And not enough time focusing on what to do now. Life is going to keep moving forward, with or without you. Life, time, the universe… it doesn’t wait for anyone.
This week I want to focus on taking better care of myself. Eating better. Sleeping better. Planning out my day better. Once I figure that part out, I can figure out the rest. But for now; the first two really need to be a priority.
It always amazes me how people react to your boundaries. How pressed some people get when you stand strong by them. And it’s always so strange when it happens. Mostly because why does what I allow into my space upset you so much?! The reaction doesn’t make sense to me. Maybe it’s just because other people’s boundaries don’t upset me? I don’t know. Everyone has their own preferences, their own ideals and their own perception of things. Isn’t that what free will is?!
Then again I have no desire to control anyone. Ok maybe I do, but you know, that’s a different story. But even then, I truly don’t. That’s just me being petty.
It blows my mind how long I went refusing to see my worth. Because that’s what this is, isn’t it? At the end of it all, it was me who refused to see my own worth. It was me who thought I deserved less than what I truly do deserve. And although it was external opinions that got me here, I should had known better. No one knows you better than you know yourself.
I know a lot of my MMM posts tend to revolve around the same ideas/ideals but this is just a realistic look at how often we have to remind ourselves of our worth. Of our progress. Of how often we have to find ways to hold ourselves accountable to remember that we’re worthy of more.
So this week (even if I’m writing/posting this on Thursday, work with me here) I want to remind myself that accepting my worth will mean losing people. But the people I lose are really not a loss at all. And if people can’t respect your boundaries or care about your well being, they’re not worthy of having a spot in your life or in your energy.
It’s been awhile since I’ve done one of these, huh?
Have I mentioned I love reading/watching/immersing myself in things that make me question my mortality? I realized this last weekend that I need to really figure out how to change my perspective when it comes to loss and death. As someone who jokes about suicide as much as I do, you’d think I had a pretty solid grasp on the concept of death, but I really don’t. Life is much easier lived when you don’t feel like you have anything to lose, that’s for sure. Part of the reason why I never wanted kids, I never wanted to be responsible for their loss of a parent if some day I wasn’t able to fight my demons.
Although, now that I’m in my mid 30’s, me and my demons have a bit of an understanding. At least way more of an understanding than we’ve ever had before. But it took a lot of soul searching, shadow work and expressing myself to get here. It also took a lot of loss. Because with every hard moment, with every loss, with every life changing experience you gain something. And if you don’t, you’re a robot. Seriously.
My cousin brought something to my attention a few hours ago — that if I want something, I do everything to make it happen. The trick is wanting it. And it reminded me that that’s a thing I’ve always had in my hand.
The universe will always give you what you ask for.
Manifestation is a real thing. And looking back at my life, I can’t deny that. At all. Because even the smallest things can be manifested. Not missing your flight. Sometimes running into someone you want to run into. Just things like that have always happened for me, if I wanted it.
There is so much more I want to say on a more personal level but I can’t seem to get myself to write it. No matter how much I try. I hate that. I hate that I let other people who may be lurking impact what I say here. I’m really hoping that with the next step of my life I’ll be able to let go of that fear and just be free to say what I want here and on social media. It’s been a very paralyzing few years. I almost have to force myself to write and remind myself of why I’m here. And it’s not for them.
Just know I’m good.
I’m so good. I’m such a sucker for new beginnings. And this time is no exception. I’ve learned what I will and what I sure as hell won’t stand ever again. I know what my worth is. I know how valuable my time and energy is. I was reminded that bad energy will make you sick. That if I can cut off family members, I can cut off anyone.
Reminding yourself of your worth is always a hard thing to maintain. I never understand why. Why is it so hard to remember what we are worth? But so easy to remember lies people tell us about ourselves? No one knows you better than YOU know YOU. People can say what they want, none of it could be true but you’d believe every word. This is the kind of thing that confuses the universe.
This week I want to be more mindful of how I consider my worth. I want to be better at reminding myself OF my worth and that no matter what happens, the universe has my back. Always has.
100% without apology you. And I know I stress this a lot on my blog — but the people who make you feel like you’re hard to love are not your people.
Emotions always tend to never fail to amaze me. The way they work. The way we respond to things or don’t respond to other things. Noticing which one of our toxic traits or boundaries we refuse to compromise. And seeing how those around us respond to that as well.
I’m thankful for putting myself into a different situation/outcome. The thing about life is paying attention to the moments that force you to grow. Which I’m learning most adults seem to avoid, even at the expense of their own happiness. I can’t relate. That could never be me; gotta thank trauma for something I guess.
This week I’ll remind myself that I am free to be me; whoever I decide to be that day. And I no longer have to feel bad about it.
I know ya’ll, I’m really slacking on the blogging thing. I know it’s been almost a month since the holidays but I’m still feeling a little spacey. Anyone else? I guess I just haven’t been filling my days enough and I haven’t really started working on my goals… I also haven’t put that post up. Well damn.
I am a bit distracted this week because I’m going to be going home for a few days while my mom is recovering and after I come back from that I’ll be moving into a new apartment. So there’s a lot of packing going on this week! I’m really hoping I can manage to get it all done. Or close to done.
I really want to be better with blogging again, even if it’s just 3 posts a week. I don’t know why this is so difficult to achieve lately. I really need to get back on my self care game. I haven’t even Saged in I don’t know how long! Which reminds me, I need to get Sage for the new apartment. I’m sure there’s no bad vibes in there but still, it’s just a thing, I guess.
I know this saying is pretty basic; but it’s something that I feel applies to this week. I haven’t been home in ten years. That means I haven’t seen some of my friends in 12-15 years. I am SO excited to be able to see them. I know a lot has changed since the last time I was in Cali and I’m both excited and nervous to see what those changes are.
I’m not sure what chances I’ll stumble on while I’m home. But I’m hoping something for my business will present itself. Speaking of, I really want to expand my shop and my range of products but I’m not exactly sure with what. And I’m finding that while Print On Demand CAN be “easier”, you lose a lot of the control as far as shipping and you’re limited in design. The upside however is not having to store all the products yourself and also not having to deal with shipping. I have a weird love/hate relationship with shipping.
I’m already tired just thinking about this week. Hope you all have a good one!
I low key didn’t realize today was Monday. I’ve had a migraine since yesterday. Gotta love PMS.
I stumbled on this while scrolling through Canva for some inspo. Beyond being a great blogging resource, their template gallery has some really cool inspo!
I have mixed feelings about this quote though; on one hand, I get it. But on the other hand, I don’t want to bend or break. I don’t want to bend to make someone else comfortable if it means making me unhappy. But there are moments where if you don’t bend, you’ll break. Even if you don’t want to do either.
Am I being too cryptic? I really wish I didn’t have to be.
But this is def something I’ve been struggling with since maybe August. Or June. If I’m being honest.
I’m tired of keeping the peace just for the sake of peace whatever that even means any more. I’m tired of having to put my dreams and goals on hold because it makes someone else uncomfortable. I have a solid belief of doing the things I want because life is too short and too short to wait for permission from someone. I’m too free spirited to stay in one place for too long or be told what I can and can’t do.
That’s not to say I would never bend, but I refuse to if it means selling myself short of the things that make me happy or feel alive.
Not just for this week, but for this year; I’m manifesting the strength to be my authentic self and doing what my soul tells me to do.
Did I finish wrapping and sending out xmas gifts? Nah. Are my mom’s, brother, and 2 friend’s gifts gonna be late? Fuck yeah.
I’m just gonna sit here and ignore the fact I feel like I was unprepared for Christmas this year. Because honestly once it hits October don’t expect me to be on top of any A game for anything. One of these years I’ll get my productivity back on track — even in my seasonal depression months. My BFFF says I need to stop cussing in my writing, fuck you bruh just kidding. You’re adorable. I appreciate you. Endlessly. But I had to. Lol.
This week I want to manifest sanity and avoid headaches lol.
Anyone else feel a little bit rushed at the fact that Christmas and New Years are just way too close to each other? Like dang, can we get some time to recover from Christmas?!
Happy New Years week!
My BFF texted me on Christmas Eve asking if I had my resolutions list ready yet. Tbh she’s later than usual asking me this but my mind has been a foggy mess since November so it wasn’t something I had really put any thought or anything into just yet. I’m now reminded that I need to get on that this week. Along with whatever else last minute 2021 things I set for myself like: creating space for new things by getting rid of things I don’t need. Or catching up on all my recap blog posts. Oh and reading 7 books. Which seems like a small list now but it entails a lot of detail.
I also have to get a start on what I want to release for 2022 on the shop. This is one I’ve been working on but I’m coming up blank. At least I got to catch up on A LOT of sleep this weekend. Thank goodness for that.
This week I want to manifest;
Getting my ass in gear and to do my best to finish all the last minute 2021 things I need to get done.
What are your plans for this week? Or for the New Year? Have you started your resolutions list yet?
I know it’s been a minute since I’ve blogged anything; my mind has just been thrown around everywhere. I really wanted to do blog/vlogmas but I just wasn’t prepared at all. It’s okay, I can jump in now, it’s not too late to!
This week I’m trying to get things back on track. Trying to get back to updating my shop and my shop blog as well as post more on my Disney and food accounts. I’ve just felt so stuck… most so than usual here. And I think I get like this every time I come back from Florida too… I remember how alive it feels there and to come back to TX where it feels slow paced… just sucks. Literally wondering why I even moved here, honestly.
This quote from Hamilton really struck a cord with me, because it’s been a quote/concept I’ve carried around with me my whole life. It’s also probably why I’m not a huge fan of Burr. I’m more like Hamilton in so many ways.
I told my BFF that 2022 is going to be the find yourself bitch year. Which means going wherever my soul tells me I need to go. Be around the people who have always had my back. Be the real me and not whoever people here think I am.
And if I don’t stand for the things that make me me, then what will I fall for?
This week I want to manifest just that — to do the things that make me me. Time is ticking and I’m not getting any younger. I’m tired of being unhappy and it’s up to me to change that.
What is something you want to manifest this last month of 2021?
This Fall has been… very insightful so far. Very, very… insightful. And life can throw us a ton of curve balls as well as drop us in the darkest of places with no idea on how to get tf out.
But for the first time in a long time, I’m fine this Fall. November can be a hard month for me so I fill it with being nonstop busy. Doing NaNoWriMo, going to school, picking up a ton of reading challenges. Anything that gives me no room to be idle in November. But this year I want nothing more than just that. To be idle. I wish I could talk more about why but it’s not something I want to get into just yet.
This week I’m hoping to get some catching up done. As well as packing for my trip. Setting plans on when I’ll see my friends when I’m in Florida and putting up the holiday stuff on my Etsy and my shop. I wish I could stay in Florida longer than just 3 days. But it’s better than nothing. I’ll be back soon!
This week I want to manifest patience. In trusting the universe and the process. In having the ability to focus and stay in my lane. Amazing things can happen if you give yourself the chance to manifest them.
