Monday Mindful Manifestation

Ooh look what’s back this week! Idk if it’s Mercury Retrograde but this weekend has been flooded with a few hard hitting realizations.

Sunday was World Mental Health Day and USUALLY I have some well thought out post on social media and my blogs but this weekend I was just… I had the worst creative block. And a sneezing fit. But that’s different.

And if I could grant you peace of mind, would it be enough?

Something about this segment that seems to repeat itself through out Hamilton lives rent free in the front of my mind lately, not just that but it strikes a cord with me.

I struggled a lot growing up. I was shy because I was insecure. I was insecure because I was never encouraged; I was encouraged by my Lolo but he passed away when I was 9 and I had nothing after that. I was told a lot of hurtful things growing up that undermined my intelligence, my perception of myself being a good person, my beauty, my anything. Anything you could think of. I spent a lot of my childhood depressed and feeling worthless. I TRULY DEEPLY felt like I was a waste of space. That everyone in my life would be so much better off and happier without me bringing them down or getting in their way.

I still carry these insecurities with me. I’m MUCH more aware of them and it only took me 30-something years to realize most of them were far from true. Here’s the thing though — you could be 110% aware that something isn’t true about you. But because it was drilled into your head that it “is true” you start to doubt yourself. DESPITE KNOWNING that it’s not true.

I had refused to wear shorts and skirts and dresses until I was 31. And I fuckin lived in Florida. I refused to be outside of my house in anything less than a tee shirt. I hated my legs, I hated my shoulders, I hated my collarbone. I hated that I was flat chested. I couldn’t understand why anyone would truly be attracted to me. At 13 I started thinking about suicide. At 14 I met my really sweet friend Dru. He was adorable and popular and he was really sweet and kind. And I was like, in love with him for awhile, I asked him out like 5 times and he said no every single time. It’s cool, I never held it against him. And honestly we’ve been really close friends for the last 21 years, so.

I have so many memories of him convincing me that I’m worth something. That my life is mine to make. And even now 21 years later he still reminds me he needs me here. This year I’ve been reminded that people really fuckin love me. People really fuckin support me. I have the MOST amazing friends a girl could ask for.

This is getting way longer than I thought it would.

My friends have played a huge part in helping me build myself back up.

Just stay alive, that would be enough

I caught COVID in May and the amount of friends who would check up on me, who sent me get well gifts… was touching. I know my friends love and care about me, but I guess I just didn’t really think about how much I meant to them. This year has been reminders of exactly that and it’s something I’ve needed.

This week I want to manifest that everything I think I am, I am. I want to stop selling myself short.

Small Business Sunday

Sundays are always my favorite days to dedicate to just blogging; I use to do a weekly recap on my first wordpress blog and I miss doing that but my life isn’t as interesting as it was in college. So I decided to do this instead!

I’ve always loved supporting small businesses. I’ve been buying on Etsy since 2008, my first wedding’s party favors were bought on Etsy. I had so much fun connecting with sellers trying to find the perfect product for my favors. I get super surprised to see some of my favorite shops from back then still up, running and thriving! It’s amazing.

Since opening my own small shop, I’ve been small shopping even more. There are SO MANY talented creative people out in this world! So here are a few I’ve purchased from in the month of September.

The Busy Mama Co

Recently bought the Mind Your Own Motherhood sweater and it’s my fav! Super cozy too!

Continue reading “Small Business Sunday”

Monday Mindful Manifestation

Talk less, smile more. Don’t let them know what you’re against or what you’re for.

Possibly the worst advice I’ve ever heard. I watched Hamilton not too long ago and I’m completely utterly obsessed. It’s been the only thing I’ve been thinking about for DAYS now. I mean I started listening to the soundtrack months before I decided to watch it. I just figured it wasn’t my type of musical. Despite 2021 seems to be my year of historical fiction.

That moment when you realize you’re probably Alexander Hamilton in this musical. Minus the advice he gave his kid. I refuse to watch that entire scene ever again. Mf I was sobbing and I never cry at movies.

It’s a pet peeve of mine to come across people who don’t stand for anything. Not just that, but have the audacity to stop someone else from standing what they believe in. I don’t need anyone to fight my battles, never have and never will. But also, don’t stand in my way. If you don’t agree with me, cool. Sit ya ass down. My ex husband (when he was still my bf) hated that I was pro-gay up until we divorced. He literally thought that children who are AROUND gays would turn gay themselves. I remember buying a shirt when I was 19 that said “I you don’t believe in gay marriage, don’t marry one” and he thought it was “stupid”. He hated that I was passionate about animal rights. He hated that I wasn’t a fan of eating meat either. And don’t even get me started on how “stupid” he thought being vocal about mental health was. Or how he was convinced I was “making up” OCD and anxiety because “that shit isn’t real” DESPITE that I went to therapy for 8 years. That he would come with me to. WEEKLY. But you know, yeah, I’m def making this shit up. Mf, what.

It was his theory that if you stayed quiet, no one would have anything against you. Spoiler alert: if a mf wants to hate on you, they will.

I think I’ll talk more and smile less. I think I’ll let them know what I’m for and against so there isn’t a chance for miscommunication. Is it possible to manifest staying true to yourself?

Btw, Aaron Burr annoys me lol.

Monday Mindful Manifestation

Hey guys!

I know this post is going up late but at least it’s going up today lol!

Last week/end was a bit challenging; where one part of my life did amazing, it wasn’t without some kind of drama. Which is fine, sisters fight or disagree. It’s what they do. But the drama was escalated a little further than that. Which I wasn’t expecting. But that’s all I’m going to say about that. I’m not going to let anything distract me from something I worked hard for, the universe likes to throw curve balls.

I have some super exciting things going into production for my shop this week. My husband also drew a few ghost Pokemon’s for me to use since I was flipping my shit over how much I was struggling with them. One of them is going to be my Ko-Fi option for October as a keychain! There’s also an option for a sticker instead or both! I was hoping to launch it for Sept but I haven’t come up with a theme sooo, yeah, that shipped sailed lol.

This week I’m also planning my Disney Halloween trip! I’m super excited for this and I’ll be trying both Halloween snacks as well as Food & Wine eats! I’m also going to be seeing some friends I missed on my last trip that I’m absolutely looking forward to seeing — and a brand new cutie who’s due this week!

This week I want to manifest;

The reminder that even if something else in your life is sinking, it doesn’t mean everything else sucks. Not at all. The ability to be able to choose what I want to invest my energy in, foreal this time and do exactly that.

… and the ability to post reguarly here again!

Wishing you all a safe and productive week ahead!

Monday Mindful Manifestation

Hey all you wonderful people!

So glad to be here for another MMM and I know it’s been a minute since I’ve posted one.

Designing Fall & Halloween tees and stickers have been my biggest projects this month and I’m super excited about them!

I managed to make a handful of sales last week, and I’m so thankful for that and the support! I redid my Ko-fi page to now include memberships where I send out monthly stickers and keychains depending on which one you pick! I’m having a lot of fun designing stickers and tees and I’m both excited and extremely overwhelmed with getting the Fall/Halloween stuff up!

There still moments, lots of moments, where I don’t know if what I’m doing is worth it. But as long as I’m having fun and as long as it’s helping my mental health, it is def worth it. At least that’s what I remind myself.

Dreams won’t work unless you do.

Manifestation is crazy; and it’s something I believed in for a really long time but didn’t know there was a word for it. But I truly believe if I stay focused, and if I keep my mind positive and clear then I can achieve anything. Even something as crazy as seeing this tiny business of mine take off. And I know the universe is there to see me and hear me.

This week I’m manifesting just that: to keep my mind positive and clear and work as hard as I can. And to remind myself that the universe got’s me.

What’s something you want to manifest this week? Beyond that, how have ya’ll been?

Monday Mindful Manifestation

Bit of a late MMM post this week; accidently on purpose fell asleep with Tums during her nap. But I did wake up to boba and Chipotle so that was super nice.

This song has been on repeat for awhile now. And yes, I yet have still to watch the movie.

Feeling safe enough to be yourself unfiltered: a love language.

As I get older I’m shocked to see what are things I thought were my love language are really just shallow preferences. And it makes me wonder; if me and my ex husband didn’t split when we did, would our relationship had only got worse? By the time we split he wasn’t my ride or die anymore. He discouraged more than encouraged and it hurt every time he did. Or would make some backhand comment the second my personality shifted, knowing that it tends to shift a lot. He use to learn things on Photoshop just so he could teach me.

He never censored me though, ever. If his mom or friends had something to say about me and “my attitude” he’d defend it. It wasn’t until the end I felt filtered. But even then he told members to fuck off and leave me alone.

My life since then has just been a big blob of: people who don’t know me so they try to silence me because they don’t like that I talk about uncomfortable topics. Like mental health. Loss. Or they just think my dark humor “isn’t funny”. Well no bitch, it’s really not suppose to be. But it IS funny to those of us who suffer every damn day so back off. Pop a Xanax and mind ya business.

There is such a huge stigma against mental health. And instead of trying to hear people out, you try to silence them. Only encouraging that stigma. And do you know how hard it is for people to find help for their mental health as it is? How expensive and how many different routes you have to take JUST to find help?? Why would you want to make it harder on someone than it already is?

I honestly feel uncomfortable when people talk about God and Jesus this and that. But I have never told someone not to. Or commented on their posts. I literally just keep scrolling. It takes 2 seconds, to just keep. scrolling.

Thank goodness for the internet and the mental health community. Seriously.

This week I want to manifest a reminder to speak my truth. A reminder of my why: so that other people don’t have to feel unheard or unseen.

Monday Mindful Manifestation

Monday Mindful Manifestation

My Cricut came in last weekend and I’ve been nonstop messing with the Cricut program, doing test prints and watching endless amounts of YouTube videos and TikToks (I even made a TikTok account for my crafting stuff @ siinfulart).

I’m finding that I expect myself to know how to use a product I have zero experience with. And I know where this mind set stems from — it’s the same reason why I get frustrated with myself when it comes to Photoshop CC.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong confidence. There’s nothing wrong with having high expectations of yourself. But not allowing yourself to fail and learn because “this should be easy to understand” is not helping you, it’s hindering you and any progress you could be making.

I pride myself on pushing myself out of every comfort zone I can find; physically. I didn’t realize I had some inner ones to work on.

I don’t think most people realize when you give birth, even your mind changes and re-adapting to it really fuckin sucks sometimes. I feel like I don’t even know who I am most days.

So this week I will allow myself to fail. I will allow myself to make mistakes. To learn through those processes.

No, this isn’t suppose to be easy. And that is totally okay. 2021 was suppose to be about learning, growth and trying to find yourself again. Allowing myself to fail and fail hard is part of the process 💕.

What is something you want to manifest this week? Let me know in the comments below 👇🏻.

Monday Mindful Manifestation

I love these; really wish I knew what to search for when it comes to the cute illustrations on Canva!

I’m feeling a bit neither here or there today. The weekend was a bit of a blur. I am feeling a little discouraged but this is how I work sadly. I get super obsessed and excited about a project idea… then I kind of… debate quitting. The only thing that’s never happened with is blogging. But blogging/journaling has always been my personal therapy so it probably isn’t seen as a project in my head? I’m not sure.

This week I’m manifesting a little bit of self care.

I find that if I tend to stray away from talking on the phone or verbally talking to my bff’s I get like this more often lol. Doesn’t help that they both have super time consuming jobs (a firefighter and a mental health wing nurse), the time zones don’t help either but this is adulthood.

I have also stopped Saging and it’s been a bit since I’ve done aromatherapy. I don’t even remember the last time I took a bubble bath — I’m not sure why all of these things I loved have slipped away from me suddenly.

If you’re struggling like I am lately; here’s your reminder to take some time for you this week. No one’s got you like you got you. So it has to be some sort of priority that you take care of yourself, for your sake and sanity.

I hope to remember to Sage more this week, to read a new book, take a walk on the treadmill at the gym (I find it soothing) and squeeze in a bath this week (I got myself a Sleepy bath gift set for myself this weekend from LUSH).

What are some ways you’re hoping to indulge in a bit of self care?

Monday Mindful Manifestation

Tums had a restless night so I had a restless night. She also somehow managed to turn off the touch pad on my laptop. How? I have no effen idea but it’s a thing. And it took me half the night and Google to figure out how to undo it. It shoulda been common sense to me, but it was and it wasn’t.

You are dope. You are capable. Fuck anyone who says anything different.

That’s it. That’s all I have the energy to manifest this week lol. But it’s all I need to focus on myself and my new business. I’m working on the blog cause it keeps breaking on me and my kuya and his “FIX IT” pep talks lol.

I hope you all have a productive and mindful week ahead!

Monday Mindful Manifestation

Happy Monday.

I’m a bit sleepy; yesterday was refreshing but also draining and last night was just shit. Our car got towed despite there being a shitton of people parked at our complex who don’t even live here because someone decided to use our pool to throw a pool party. So with no parking we had to park under a car port (which is usually paid for but as far as we knew, no one owned this one) since we had to bring up a ton of groceries and a toddler up 4 flights of stairs. In 103 degree weather. Well, our car got towed and B called to discuss this fuckery this morning and the complex pretty much said “we can’t do anything”. They don’t know WHERE our car is since it’s handled by another company. I mean, it’s $300 to get it back. Which is stupid. Why not just fine us? Do we get a deduction off our rent? Like wtf. I love living in an apartment but summers in Texas always bring this shit. People using complex pools for parties. We’re only allowed 2 guests at the pool. Ugh.

This is something that heavy bothers me; when someone who’s lived life less than you have some advice to give. Like, stop sir. You’ve never moved out of your parents house. Or paid a bill. Or know how to manage bills, rent or credit cards. And it’s amazing how the ones who never lived life and stayed where they were have the most to say.

I like to surround myself with like-minded people that means people who have a thing for being creative, people who like that discover, launch and set goals for things. People who understand the concept of saving money. People who have goals and dreams. I could write an essay about this. So when I tell B I don’t like that TX lacks creative energy, of course he has no idea wtf I’m saying. At least where we are. I want to see other bug cities and find out if what I’m looking for is there. Cause it ain’t here.

The kind of cool thing about mental health is that those of us who live it have the most fascinating stories and coping mechanisms! A bunch of us can suffer from the same type but everyone’s experiences will be different. That’s the curious thing about mental health, it’s not black and white. It’s gray, mist gray, blue gray, off gray… there’s so many different levels and things to consider. And while you might think your story is “overdone” or in a “saturated” niche, people care what other people are going through, so let this be your invitation to write about your mental health struggles.

I hope to manifest calling people out for having zero life experience.