Brain Dump | Back in Texas…

I got to spend a week back home in Cali and I honestly forgot just how much I loved NorCal. I left 10 years ago saying I’d never come back… I was also a really angry and angsty young adult at the time. I was determined to get my dream job (which I did) and make a life for myself (which I did). I’ve always loved being independent but I was also low key obsessed with it to prove to other people I was capable of everything they kept telling me I wasn’t capable of.

But in reality; NorCal is a beautiful place to visit. There’s literally so much to do and see. You’d rarely ever get bored. Between Silicone Valley, San Francisco and Napa Valley, there’s a lot to do. I forgot how loved I am there. How much my childhood friends love me. How much they only want what’s best for me and want to see me truly happy. Ten years can change a lot of things but one thing that hasn’t changed is the epic convos, adventures and love that they have for me and that I have for them. I’m so glad I got to see my friends while I was there. I’m glad I got to spend a week hanging out with one of my best friends; we have a pretty dope story of how we ended up friends and there’s a lot of irony in it now that we’re adults. But he’s always been the sweetest guy I know, since we were kids. And he’s still just as sweet. And yay for a foodie adventure friend!

I loved seeing my friends with Tums and seeing that they love her just as much as they love me. I loved that she had people to play with and other kids to play with — she got along SO WELL with my friends kids! All of them!

California air just hits different, for sure.

And now I’m back in Texas… where it’s effing snowing right now and something ridiculous like 19 degree’s or something. My eczema is already acting up. Did move into the new apartment and while it’s bigger than the last one it’s also much more expensive and I honestly don’t know what to do about it. I mean I love this complex but at the same time… I really want to move back to Cali to be closer to my friends and family. Especially seeing just how much older my mom is now… it’s really kicking up my anxiety big time. And having someone tell you you’re stuck in Texas and can’t move back to Cali or be with your family is just a new level of audacity. At the end of the day, this is still my life and it’s my choice to do what I want when I want. That shouldn’t be anyone else’s choice but my own. And it’s definitely hard to protect your peace when you’re arounds someone who seems to challenge that every chance they get.

Hoping for some clarity in Feb and some solutions.

Word Vomit | Stress + Ulcers

I get headaches and migraines a lot when I stress out or just PMS and other things. When it rains/snows. I’ve been getting them since I was about 17 but never really thought too much of it — it was back before Google and everything was Ask Jeeves. I remember taking Motrin every 2 hours, no joke. And some days it would just linger for a week. These days it’s just the PMS ones that tend to last all week and that shit is annoying. Then I discovered Excedrin.

Just a little background, I’ve also had Ulcers a lot as a kid. For some reason mostly in the summer and I wouldn’t be able to drink Lemonade. I remember one other time I had one when I went to work; I worked at KFC at 17 and I remember whining to everyone I was closing with. It felt like this mass that just ached constantly. No matter how much I’d eat didn’t matter. It’s the most annoying thing ever. But I somehow survived. Guess I really wanted that $5.75 lol.

I later then learned that Excedrin can cause Ulcers if used too often. Which sucks because it’s like the fail safe way for me to get rid of my migraines. But some days I have to choose which pain would be better or worse. Tbh, they’re both freakin awful. It’s just switching places on my body that hurts.

Last week-ish I somehow got away with taking Excedrin with no side effects and my stupid ass got a little too hyped and fucked up. Now I feel like I have this never ending baby Ulcer or something. I’m not sure. I just know that I keep having this dull pain and when I’m hungry, I’m HUNGRY. Like tummy talking hungry. Which hardly ever happens.