Monday Mindful Manifestation

It always amazes me how people react to your boundaries. How pressed some people get when you stand strong by them. And it’s always so strange when it happens. Mostly because why does what I allow into my space upset you so much?! The reaction doesn’t make sense to me. Maybe it’s just because other people’s boundaries don’t upset me? I don’t know. Everyone has their own preferences, their own ideals and their own perception of things. Isn’t that what free will is?!

Then again I have no desire to control anyone.
Ok maybe I do, but you know, that’s a different story.
But even then, I truly don’t. That’s just me being petty.

It blows my mind how long I went refusing to see my worth. Because that’s what this is, isn’t it? At the end of it all, it was me who refused to see my own worth. It was me who thought I deserved less than what I truly do deserve. And although it was external opinions that got me here, I should had known better. No one knows you better than you know yourself.

I know a lot of my MMM posts tend to revolve around the same ideas/ideals but this is just a realistic look at how often we have to remind ourselves of our worth. Of our progress. Of how often we have to find ways to hold ourselves accountable to remember that we’re worthy of more.

So this week (even if I’m writing/posting this on Thursday, work with me here) I want to remind myself that accepting my worth will mean losing people. But the people I lose are really not a loss at all. And if people can’t respect your boundaries or care about your well being, they’re not worthy of having a spot in your life or in your energy.

Monday Mindful Manifestation

It’s been awhile since I’ve done one of these, huh?

Have I mentioned I love reading/watching/immersing myself in things that make me question my mortality? I realized this last weekend that I need to really figure out how to change my perspective when it comes to loss and death. As someone who jokes about suicide as much as I do, you’d think I had a pretty solid grasp on the concept of death, but I really don’t. Life is much easier lived when you don’t feel like you have anything to lose, that’s for sure. Part of the reason why I never wanted kids, I never wanted to be responsible for their loss of a parent if some day I wasn’t able to fight my demons.

Although, now that I’m in my mid 30’s, me and my demons have a bit of an understanding. At least way more of an understanding than we’ve ever had before. But it took a lot of soul searching, shadow work and expressing myself to get here. It also took a lot of loss. Because with every hard moment, with every loss, with every life changing experience you gain something. And if you don’t, you’re a robot. Seriously.

My cousin brought something to my attention a few hours ago — that if I want something, I do everything to make it happen. The trick is wanting it. And it reminded me that that’s a thing I’ve always had in my hand.

The universe will always give you what you ask for.

Manifestation is a real thing. And looking back at my life, I can’t deny that. At all. Because even the smallest things can be manifested. Not missing your flight. Sometimes running into someone you want to run into. Just things like that have always happened for me, if I wanted it.

There is so much more I want to say on a more personal level but I can’t seem to get myself to write it. No matter how much I try. I hate that. I hate that I let other people who may be lurking impact what I say here. I’m really hoping that with the next step of my life I’ll be able to let go of that fear and just be free to say what I want here and on social media. It’s been a very paralyzing few years. I almost have to force myself to write and remind myself of why I’m here. And it’s not for them.

Just know I’m good.

I’m so good. I’m such a sucker for new beginnings. And this time is no exception. I’ve learned what I will and what I sure as hell won’t stand ever again. I know what my worth is. I know how valuable my time and energy is. I was reminded that bad energy will make you sick. That if I can cut off family members, I can cut off anyone.

Reminding yourself of your worth is always a hard thing to maintain. I never understand why. Why is it so hard to remember what we are worth? But so easy to remember lies people tell us about ourselves? No one knows you better than YOU know YOU. People can say what they want, none of it could be true but you’d believe every word. This is the kind of thing that confuses the universe.

This week I want to be more mindful of how I consider my worth. I want to be better at reminding myself OF my worth and that no matter what happens, the universe has my back. Always has.

What’s something you want to manifest this week?