Brain Dump | Goodbye 2021

I had hoped to have all of this week’s blog posts formatted and ready to be posted but that didn’t happen. I love doing recap posts just to see how my year went, so I’ll probably be posting those all through January if I can get them done.

My BFF is super prompt on the whole “sooo, what’s on your resolutions list?” I honestly haven’t really given it much detailed though this time. I was trying to write one up this morning and I just couldn’t really think of anything. Or I just want to see where 2022 takes me. A bunch of stuff on my 2021 resolutions list didn’t happen… but far better things did happen. And while I can set my intentions for 2022, I really want to see what happens if I don’t bind myself to resolutions. I am still doing #OneLittleWord and I think I settled on a word already.

Okay just kidding, I wrote a list just to have something to send to my BFF lmao. I want to focus on doing more shadow work. On healing cause I’m not that boring as I think I am without my sarcasm and dark jokes either. And because Tums deserves the best version of me, always. I want to work on not holding on to things or people that don’t deserve a space in my life, energy or mind space. I definitely want to make big money moves for my shop… I don’t know what that means exactly but we’re gonna figure it out!

I’m realizing my friends think the world of me and my ability. I’m realizing that they believe in me more than I could ever imagine. They’ve been sos supportive since I opened my shop and it just gives me warm fuzzy feelings… and makes me want to go home even more. I want to see myself how they see me. I want to believe in me like they believe in me — and I use to — I don’t know why I stopped. I don’t know why outsiders opinions leave you heavy when you know they don’t know you. That’s also something I really want to change. I know me. My circle knows me. My daughter knows me. And that should be enough.

2021, you were a relief after the shit I had to deal with in 2020. I found my footing again. I started to move back into who I know I am. I made changes. I made things happen. I chased ridiculous dreams and it came out amazing. I grew closer to people that bring so much value to my life. I fell into something I didn’t know I wanted until it happened; and it’s been such a refreshing and amazing feeling. It’s not easy and it’s not going to be easy, but it is worth it. I got to go home, twice. And that alone made 2021 the best.

I ended up getting COVID, and my friends sent me get well gifts for no reason. And I can’t even put into words how that made me feel. I’m so lucky. I lost my best fur baby, and I miss her every single day. But I’m thankful she’s no longer in pain, she’s no longer silently suffering. I did what I said I would do — give you a life full of love for as long as you had left. And you weren’t just loved by me, but literally every other person who had the pleasure of meeting you. You were loved by people states away who loved seeing photos of you. You were loved by so many people and I’m so happy I got to give you that. I will forever miss your thump tail hugs. I will forever miss you.

My daughter grew into more of a person. She’s only 2 this year but her growth has been so amazing to watch. Seeing how fast she can learn and learning things that she loves has been such a joy to watch. She started talking in complete sentences and now has the ability to actually have conversations with us. She is SO polite. She says “bless you”. She says “thank you” for everything. She says “oh haha, sowwie!” when I tell her she dropped something. She also cleans up after herself. She’s such a mama’s girl, for sure and she loves to just hang out with me or has to constantly have to be touching me somehow. I love that I’m her comfort, but I’m also SO overwhelmed about it as well. I guess there’s no way around either end of the spectrum.

I made new friends through blogging and social media and I am so thankful for them. There are some crazy amazing, inspiring and creative people out there. And staying around those who have the same goals as you is such an inspiring thing.

Seasonal depression might had hit me hard this year, but I also experienced so much love and happiness despite it. And I owe this year to the people who stood by my side through everything. Who constantly gas me up and who will stay up listening to me vent for as long as I need to.

So to my circle; thank you a million fuckin times. You guys have my heart.

To the people I managed to make new connections with through the blog and social media; I am so proud of all the accomplishments I got to witness you achieve. I’m glad you’re in my life.

To my BFF’s; I don’t even know how to begin thanking you. But even through disagreements and low key fall outs, it’s the way we fell back together that really matters. Knowing that even if you were upset with me and taking your space, didn’t mean you stopped thinking of me or caring about me and that means SO much. I know I’m not anywhere close to perfect. I know I made some DUMB ASS choices and I’m glad that you guys are there to call me out on it. D A I L Y.

If 2021 is any indication of what lies ahead for me, I’m so ready to meet 2022.

Word Vomit | “You just fold in the cheese”

I couldn’t think of another title and that scene has been living rent free in my head for weeks. A lot has been going on here, mostly stuff I don’t talk about cause I don’t know how while still being “a blogger”. As much as I love how blogging has evolved over the years… I also hate it. I’m sure I’ve talked about this before.

Home Stuff

I’m a clutter bug. I think it’s part of my OCD — to hoard things sometimes. I get it from my mama. No, foreal. But I try really hard to be as bad as she is. But I remember having stock piles when I still lived at home because I didn’t want to run out of something, esp if it was my favorite something. I let that habit go when I did the DCP because it was hard to get to the store and it was hard to keep up a stock pile and the apartments were so small. And this did tug at my soul a bit because of just how hard things were. But, I survived. I didn’t start trying to stock pile things again until the pandemic happened and everyone was buying out the disinfectant wipes — I literally can’t go a day without them. My OCD won’t let me.

Having a toddler also makes things look more… cluttered. And she cycles through toys so often that it gets overwhelming so this past weekend I finally went and got bookshelves so I can unpack my boxes of books. As well as tidy the shelves in the office and the closet. I’m still working on things but the space feels so much lighter already. I unhauled a ton of books that I need to go sell. I’m still a loss on what to do with her toys. She has this big bin for all the small stuff, and you’d think clean up would be easy. Just throw everything in. But some things she doesn’t want in there. she gets super particular which is fine, I can relate. I switched her play tent to face the other way and she about flipped tf out. She was crying and refused to come in her room. And that’s when I learned my daughter is a creature of habit, like I am.

I also ordered a bunch of candles I don’t need but wanted. I’m usually mostly drawn to Bath & Body Works candles but lately it seems like their prices have gone up while their quality has gone down. I’m finding that not even half way through the burn they’re already losing their scent/throw. So I bought some candles from DW Home since they released this years summer scents as well as some from Goose Creek. I also got Zeep Bath wax melts like I do every summer. Their stuff is some of my fav! I usually post about candle stuff on hazearella. If you’re into that stuff. I have the DW Home Salted Caramel Latte candle (that looks like an actual coffee cup) on my desk right now and it’s so strong lol. But I’m excited about the progress of purging things and sorting things.

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