September somehow felt like the shortest month ever. I don’t know why or how but I barely remember September. Literally, it almost feels like it never even happened.
Seasonal depression decided to kick in hard and early, so that might also be why. So much harder that I haven’t been in the Fall mood, and it’s usually the only time of the year I actually look forward to. But this year I don’t seem to have any desire to decorate, or even LOOK at Fall snacks. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me but this is unusual, for sure.
I started reading Lakesedge by Lyndall Clipstone and The Kingdom by Jess Rothenberg, I didn’t finish a book. I barely read. I’m really hoping Oct will be better.
Tums has been watching Bluey non stop. It’s not such a horrible show. It’s actually kind of funny. I’m confused at how their parents play games with them 24/7.
I finally gave in and watched Hamilton, I regret not watching it sooner. It was completely moving. It reminded me why I loved History as a kid. It reminded why I love theater. There’s so much to say about it. I’ve been listening to the soundtrack nonstop.
Is it just me or does it feel like March just passed right on by? I remember planning my Middle Grade March TBR and suddenly I have 1 1/2 days until March is over?! How the hell?! I made zero progress with the TBR btw. I mean, I have 2 hours left on the book I’m currently listening to but I have no idea when I’ll be able to go finish it. So. Yeah, the reading was kind of non existent this month.
And it was taken over by… depression! Me and depression have a long and twisted relationship. Before anxiety decided to crash the party, I had figured out a way to take my depression and turn it into art. Writing, singing, graphic design, and even poetry. But since anxiety, that doesn’t happen too often anymore. Now most of the time when depression steps in, I pretty much don’t do anything. And I really hate that type. Where anxiety is crippling and manipulating my thoughts and even sense of sight, here comes useless ass depression. Like bro, at least inspire me to make something? Seeing skips of content just pisses me off when you decide to up and leave for the weekend or some shit. Mothafucker.
At the end of Feb somehow my stuff started to break: first my keyboard (which was my fault, I’ll admit) then my laptop (which was Tums’ fault but honestly, it was bound to happen and of course I tried to avoid it from happening but if you have/had toddlers.. you’d know they just auto break everything they touch. I remember when I was toddler and me and my brother did a LOT OF HIDING my moms shit when we’d do something we KNEW we weren’t suppose to be doing in the house; 99% of the time it involved playing catch). And my iPad randomly decided to stop charging.
My kuya was nice enough to get me a new keyboard (a cool aesthetically pleasing clicky one btw) as an early bday gift and tbh, I’m SO obsessed with it. Like, I just want to type FOREVER. It’s so satisfying! Also, we’ve been friends for 21 years and this is the first time he’s gotten me a gift lmao, just saying. But seriously, this keyboard is the thing of good feelings lol.
My mom replaced my laptop as an early bday gift. It’s cool cause the finger pad doubles as a num pad. It gets confusing when you accidently turn it on (yes you can turn it off and on) but it’s a really cool concept. This one STAYS OUT OF TUMS REACH at all times. Idc if she cries. Throws her shit all off the bed. Whatever. She’s not touching this one lol.
I finally gave in and took my iPad to Geek Squad where they told me that Apple doesn’t usually “repair” your stuff, they just send you a new one. And they don’t really care to even tell you what was wrong with your broken device either. So, yay for getting a replacement but booo for not knowing what was wrong. While I waited for that to come in (they told me 3-5 days but it ended up taking like 3 weeks) I ended up getting the Samsung Galaxy Tab S6 Lite. There are pros and cons to this tablet, imo. But I’m a hardcore Apple fan when it comes to devices and a Windows fan when it comes to computers. The one thing I will say is that the pen for the SGT is a lot lighter than the Apple pen and it kind of throws me off?
I also finally upgraded my iPhone to the iPhone 12, from the iPhone 8. I was super hesitant since the last text message and phone call log from my dad was on my 8. But the dude said I didn’t have to trade in my phone since it was paid off, so whew. I opted OUT of the mini this time for my phone. I didn’t get the one I dub spider eyes, I just got the 12 in the normal size. And the best thing about new iPhones? THAT NEW BATTERY LIFE. So nice. I can actually not keep it on the charger all night! I can play games! I can FaceTime and not deplete my battery! So fun! So amazing! Man I hate this new tech shit.
I can’t think if I’ve done a monthly recap post here… I know I try to do them regularly on my review blog. But I feel like Feb was significant. At least in the aspect of growth and the universe slapping me upside my head pretty much all month.
My bro said something super interesting the other day;
You need to learn something; until you learn or come to terms with whatever it is, God is going to keep sending you back to figure it out. You ain’t done it in your past lifetime, so now you here in this one doing the same ass shit.
When I say I love blogging, I mean it’s all I’ve ever thought about since I started in 1999. I’m always looking forward to writing my blog posts or about my day. Writing has been my therapy forever and people have tried to take it away from me. But honestly, there’s just something about blogging for me that goes beyond passion. I don’t know why or how. Or what I’m suppose to do with it. But I literally think about blogging ALL THE TIME. So I’m considering what he’s saying and trying to figure out what it is I’m suppose to be doing.
Let’s get on to the recap before I go into the in my feels stuff.
EOS Creme Brulee lip balm
Self Care YouTube videos
I discovered cozy gaming both on YouTube and on TikTok. I also discovered cozy living. I won’t go as far as say Hygge because it’s a bit different than that. I’ve come across a ton of awesome self improvement channels that I can not wait to binge watch! I’ve missed watching normal vlogs on YouTube and I’m so glad I found these! I also decided to take my gaming name a little more seriously; so, introducing my gaming TikTok as well as my gaming blog that has nothing on it right now but will!
I also discovered, I don’t like snow as much as I thought I would! We had crazy snow here in TX and the state wasn’t prepared for it since it’s never happened before. Which is weird, what is Texas prepared for? We were lucky enough in our area that our power and water didn’t go out. But just in case I made sure all of me and Tum’s devices were charged and that every battery bank of mine I could find was fully charged as well. I also made sure to keep candles either lit or nearby. I had never experienced snow before and while it was cool to see snow falling and see inches of snow outside as well as on my balcony; I had absolutely no snow gear so I couldn’t go play!
How cute is her channel theme? I love that her channel focuses on home and gardening! I find the older I get the more I wish I was better at gardening (my mom is crazy talented with keeping every single one of her plants alive), but I can’t even keep a freakin Cactus alive. I don’t know. Is there hope for me?!
I’d really like to start living a more mindful and fulfilling life. I feel like since moving to Texas I lost the freedom feeling of being inspired and my soul being where it belongs. And it sucks. It’s a weight I wake up with every single day. And I don’t know how to ease it or make it stop. So I’m trying to shift my perspective as much as I can before I lose my shit.
Watching videos like the ones Muchelle posts really helps me to remember the art of slow living (which has never been a thing for me). That taking care of ME is more important than anything else besides you know, paying bills and making sure my girls are fed. I’m working on it ok?
I love Aileen’s videos because as an Asian American it’s so easy to relate to. It provides some insight and that someone understands the struggles we go through with our parents and our upbringing — but also to say it out loud. I’ve always wanted to start a Filipino American blog, if anything to just get the trauma of it all out and hopefully find closure at the same time. Watching her videos have been truly therapeutic.
Of course this all started years ago when I stumbled on Kalyn’s channel and when she created her brand/podcast Koze. The idea of slow living was beyond what I could understand at the time, but I loved watching her simple videos of doing things the cozy way.
Feb Reading Wrap Up;
Sadly I only read one book in Feb, but at least it was a book I really really liked, right?
I read and finished the second book in this series; the audiobooks are fantastic. I’m on Bridge of Souls now and I’m enjoying it just as much as I did the last 2. However Bridge of Souls is actually creepy. Like the concept is. But it takes place in New Orleans, I guess it has to be much more creepy than the rest. I’m scared to find out if this series is a trilogy, I’m not ready for it to end!
Tunnel of Bones is probably my favorite of the 3, and not because she was in Paris. Or because a ton of yum French foods were featured. Or because I’m obsessed with France. The story of the demon boy was so interesting. I get it was suppose to be creepy and I guess it could be but I could not stop listening. I didn’t dare to Google it and find out if it’s a true story or not. But I have been wanting to with a few of these!
Yes it’s a middle grade series, but it’s one of those MG reads that I would SO prefer over every genre. The friendship between Cass and Jacob is so wholesome. I ship their friendship; I won’t mess it up by saying I ship them. You don’t need to date your best friend, sometimes just being bff’s is enough.
February had a lot of ups and downs; things I’m still trying to deal with and make sense of, even if they’re tucked in the back of my mind. For now. But I’m confident I can figure this out, that I can make sense of these things.
So here’s to March; a month of starting the healing process. It’s gonna get wild ya’ll.
I always seem to do really well with my reading challenge in January. It’s like, yes. A brand new start. So excited. So inspired! So I’m not even going to say how happy/excited I am because who knows what’ll happen next month lol.
Okay, this book took me by surprise. I LOVE Middle Grade books because I always feel like they pack such a hard punch when they have some sort of meaning or lesson attached. And when you’re really not in the mood for a romantic element in a book, MG is the way to go.
I had put this down when it was first released because I was being a wimp and getting scared. Yo, there’s nothing SCARY about this book. Every element that is suppose to be creepy, I mean is, but I found it all to be so much more fascinating. I wanted to know more about Cassy and why she can do what she does. And how does it all work. And I’m still trying to figure out if her parents actually see/believe in ghosts…. or? I had thought to binge this series but the last book doesn’t come out until I think March. And yes, I pre-ordered the OwlCrate exclusive! Even though I don’t own the other 2 in physical form but that is OKAY.
There’s just so much I could gush about when it comes to this book but I linked my review instead!
| The Prince and the Troll by Rainbow Rowell
Unpopular opinion but… for some reason it bothers me when there’s real life things in books or tv shows. By “real life things” I mean brand name things. I don’t know if I’ll formally review t’his book or series because it just keeps getting worse with each book. I was a bit disappointed with this one because Rainbow Rowell, hello! And because for literally the entire book up until the last 2 pages, NOTHING MAKES SENSE. The ending itself didn’t make sense either. NOTHING. MADE. SENSE. OMG.
The ending was equivalent to when you’re in bed with someone and you’re really close to an orgasm and they’re like “yeah no, let’s switch” and you’re left feeling super confused, a little angry and totally unsatisfied. I literally can’t think of another example to explain how this book made me feel.
| Unmade by Sarah Rees Brennan
I DID IT. AFTER LIKE 8 YEARS I FINALLY FINISHED THE SERIES. Because my stubborn ass just couldn’t cope with the fact I’d have to say goodbye to Kami, Ash and JARED. So I figured if I held off on this book, they could (somehow) live forever… floating around somewhere in my mind. I have no idea ok. But I just wasn’t ready.
And it turns out, you shouldn’t wait that look to finish a series you loved. Because 1) your tastes in genres/book may have changed 2) you’ll probably forget what the heck even happened in the prior books and 3) SOMETHING SO TRAGIC COULD HAPPEN THAT YOU DONT KNOW HOW TO FEEL ANYMORE. I took like a week off after reading a particular part that just… HOW COULD YOU SARAH, SERIOUSLY?!?!?!
I also found myself rooting for Ash. Which… was weird. Also, I have questions. How did people not like over throw Rob? Just for like fun? I haven’t written a review for this yet but I think it might be time to.
Ya’ll I don’t know what was happening here but can you say ~ sexual tension ~? I really need to read the rest of this mini series thing they’re doing. Also, a part of this book creeped me out more than any part in City of Ghosts did.
| Hazel and Gray by Nic Stone
Guys, I literally don’t even want to talk about how disappointing this book was.
| The Princess Games by Soman Chainani
At this point I’m ready to just DNF the rest of the series. Idc if I just wanted to get to the last book. The thing is, these don’t even have an order. They all read like solo book because NONE OF THE DAMN THEMES MAKE ANY DAMN SENSE.
THIS. BOOK. WAS. WTF. LEGIT IDK WHAT ELSE TO SAY EXCEPT WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK?!
My review of this book: JUST NO.
| Kawaii Kitties
This is the second art book I’ve requested from NetGalley and they’ve both been super cute, super helpful and super easy to understand. I did pre-order this because I need it in my collection that is just now starting. With this book.
| Love, Almost by Hayley Doyle
I have mixed feelings about this book; on one hand I remember when I was 5 months in with my ex husband. He proposed somewhere in there at Disneyland and I remember feeling like this is my forever and I mean he was, until we were 30. I remember that the thought of him dying legit killed me inside. It was a fear we both had of each other. Last I talked to him years ago he said he still checks my social media to make sure I’m still alive. Not sure if he still does but I gotta admit hearing that put me off and kinda irritated me.
Learning to live without someone that you feel like your life JUST began with can be just as heartbreaking as living a whole lifetime with them. While my ex husband didn’t die, the him I knew and loved did. And sometimes it’s still hard for me to remember I don’t know who he is now, and he doesn’t know who I am. It’s hard to remember that I have memories he wasn’t there for. It’s such a incomplete feeling almost. This book definitely triggered those memories for me.
BEST READ: City of Ghosts
LEAST FAV READ: Hazel and Gray // The Princess Games
What was your favorite read of January or what are you looking forward to reading in next month?
Damn I’m inconsistent huh? It’s ok, I hate that about myself too.
To be honest I spiraled into another pit of depression and I can’t remember too much of June. I don’t think I even did much. The Covid thing really messes up my posts like this but it does force me to find other ways to be creative and discover other things to love that aren’t products or require me to go shopping.
Thank goodness for my camera roll or I’d have ZERO idea what I even did in June! But it looks like a lot of Animal Crossing!
This year is just zooming by already; I can’t believe we’re in April.
March wasn’t a good month, and I’m sure a lot of other people can relate to that statement. Besides the whole Coronavirus thing going on which is freaking everyone out, causing panic purchasing and forcing everyone world wide to stay home — we were hit with the flu a week before it all happened. I don’t usually have more than a 48hr flu, if even that. So the fact I was down and out for a whole week is insane. I haven’t been that sick since I was a kid. And tbh I barely ever got sick — until I got married and had a kid. Now I feel like I’m always sick and I fuckin hate it.
I feel like Feb might had been longer than Jan this year. I have no idea why. But I made a lot of changes and jumped into a lot of things in Feb that I’m pretty surprised at myself of. I’m still trying to remember who I am as a person (damn you postpartum depression) and trying to re-find my footing and balance. Of course with a damn near one year old (WHERE DID THE YEAR GO) it’s a little more challenging than I’d like.