Into The Unknown from Frozen II has been living rent free in my head all week. Unpopular opinion: Frozen II was way better and WAY more empowering than Frozen I. I think I’m one of the few who don’t care too dive too much into Elsa and Anna’s past/parents. I’d much rather know who the fuck raised Hans. But there was something magical about this addition to the franchise, and I surprise myself by saying that since I worked at Disney when Frozen came out and when I say you could not escape Let it Go on stage I mean it. Living in Orlando didn’t help either because it played everywhere. Even at Target and Publix. Like pls Elsa, can I just grocery shop without you following me?!?
But a part of me feels like this song is speaking to my soul.
Every time I’ve moved away from Florida, I’ve hated it. I feel my soul start to ache and dull. I’m not inspired. I’m not cheerful. I don’t know how to explain it, but spiritually, I just don’t feel good. I will forever long to be back in Florida; it’s a place I made into a home, for myself. And I suppose people who’ve never done that for themselves couldn’t relate to what that means. But that doesn’t excuse them from preventing others from doing what their soul tells them. I mention this topic a lot, because to me, it’s important. YOU have ONE life. A life that is YOURS and NO ONE ELSES.
I know that’s MUCH easier said than done, but I’ve always went in the direction that I felt the most pull towards. I told myself as a kid I wouldn’t live life with regrets — I grew up with my dad swearing he was dying for at least 25 years before he was actually diagnosed with cancer. I never understood how someone just flat out refused to live freely and constantly decided to live in fear. I told myself I wouldn’t waste my life away in a small town in California. So I didn’t. Yet somehow I’m finding myself stuck in a small town in Texas that’s far worse than American Canyon could ever be. Stuck, and alone. With no friends and no family. Would I trade it for CA? I want to say no, but I do miss the food and my friends and family. I haven’t been home in 10 years. I’ve been too busy living life, but ever since my dad did pass I’ve also felt a pull to go home. To say my goodbye’s. Even if I think he won’t hear me.
Small towns kill dreamers.
That’s for sure. And constantly having this song on repeat has reminded me I’m not some small town girl. I’m not someone who doesn’t dream. I dream BIG and OFTEN and that’s who I have always and who I will always be. Just because now I’m a mom as well means nothing. That shouldn’t stop me from being who I AM. To do anything else just sounds fuckin ridiculous. We should be raising stronger, smarter and much more driven women in the world. And I refuse to ever contain my daughter or her dreams.
This week I want to manifest;
A reminder of who I am. A reminder of what I am. And a reminder of what I’m fully capable of.
Lately a lot of my time has been spent learning how to make my own typography (I am OBSESSED with IG’s of Typography and art) and learning how to digitally watercolor. I don’t know how to draw and tbh I’ve always been afraid to learn. I come from a line of super successful artists from the Philippines so you know, the pressure. I didn’t get the art gene, my brother did. I got the talent of writing instead. But since I needed a new way to express myself I told myself in 2021 we were gonna learn how to draw… or something close to it.
And with the recently loss of my dear cat Sophie (I haven’t written about this yet because I just… ugh) I really wanted to learn how to draw a cat and make a series of illustrations of her. Mari had the super cute idea of making her a kitchen ghost cat and I just LOVE that idea. I’m sure Sophie would too. Considering how much she loved the kitchen and food. Also check out her blog, she’s literally the sweetest person ever. I absolutely appreciate you checking on me all the time!
I’m reminding myself to be kind to myself. Like every other new hobby you decide to learn, it’s going to take a lot of time to learn what you’re doing. In absolutely no way did I learn Photoshop, how to use makeup or how to curl my hair in one day. Or even one year. I took me at least 5 years to learn how to curl my hair right! Photoshop was a thing that I invested years into. I remember the first time I was able to open Photoshop 7 up, I opened a new document and just stared at it. My ex husband (who was my bf at the time) was like “…what are you doing?” and I remember just staring at the screen like “where the fuck do I even begin?” I was so obsessed with learning Photoshop and had so much fun doing it. I couldn’t (and still can’t) do everything but over the years I learned new techniques and I’m still learning! But I am a completely self taught graphic designer and this was before YouTube was even around. So. I really wonder how I pulled that off.
I’m not going to learn how to illustrate or draw or paint likely by the end of this year. That’s just not realistic. But I will be farther than I was when the year started and honestly, that’s all that really matters.
In the mean time, I need to remember that.
And I need to remember to be gentle with myself as I learn.
Nothing great happens overnight. And that’s totally okay.
What’s something you want to remind yourself or manifest this week? I’d love to know!
Still recovering from COVID so this week I’ll be doing nothing but focusing on self care. Still feeling pretty drained and fatigued. Hoping this isn’t a long lasting thing.
I’ve been binge watching Schitt’s Creek and I’m already on season 3; I’m loving it so far. Stevie, David and Ted are my absolute favorites. Bob annoys the living hell out of me, like how is that dude even a person. This has become my favorite night time routine.
I’ve gotten my sense of smell + taste back, thankfully. So I’m trying to zen out as much as I can this week with uplifting and aromatherapy scents.
Half way through May and I haven’t finished a book yet — I’m still working on the audio for Everless and still reading Dante Basco’s From Rufio to Zuko. I really want to get started on the Filipino history books on my TBR this month but I have a feeling those will take longer than I anticipated.
I also plan on taking some time to recenter myself and figure out a plan to a healthier lifestyle. While I try to eat healthy/better there are some things I stopped doing; like walking mostly and also meditation and yoga.
So those are some things I’m hoping to manifest and put into action this week. I’m glad most of the sickness is over, I just want to get back to being 100% better again. And stay there.
Wishing all of you a healthy and happy week ahead!