Monday Mindful Manifestation

My doctor put me on a second anti anxiety/sleeping aid and it works a little like Xanax but not as strong. It’s been making me chill tf out the last few days, that’s for sure. The adjustment isn’t horrible like it was with Zoloft but it’s still a bit of a struggle. Having to just deal and still be the best mom is hard some mornings. I had the first Sunday in months where I felt find enough to send Tums and B to his mom’s house like I use to so I could get some sleep and catch up on some work. I’ve been a lot more hungry lately which is a good thing, it’s been awhile since I’ve actually felt hungry.

Self Care is super important, but in the world like this where our new reality is constantly changing, it’s hard to keep up with even sleep let alone self care! But if you’re anything like me, you know the feeling of burn out by putting yourself last. The only quiet time during the day I get is when I’m cleaning the rooms and taking a shower. I don’t even take bubble baths anymore, and they’re my favorite! I should start again but I always feel like I don’t have time anymore.

Things I want to start this week as self care;

➔ Play more relaxing music

I just rediscovered some songs on an old Spotify playlist I made years ago. I forgot how much I loved some of these songs. They definitely take me back to the days I worked at Disney and my busy life back then, which you all know I miss. But listening to relaxing music really has a way of changing your whole vibe.

➔ Cleaning my space

This means going through and getting rid of anything that doesn’t spark joy. I managed to do this a bit in the living room the other day and it felt so good! Now imagine if I did that for a whole room. A whole apartment?! Okay, I’m going to slow it down a bit. Baby steps. But truly, clean your space, clean your mind. At least, I’m really hoping how this is going to work.

This also includes replacing light bulbs. Had to throw that self reminder out there for myself. Cause honestly, I know how stubborn I can get. I irritate myself all the time with it. Like yo, these bulbs need to be changed!

I also want to go back to melting a wax melt before bed/at bed time. I associate a lot of feelings and memories with song and scent. I also got an aromatherapy set for review and I’m wondering if I want it in the bedroom or in the office.

Which I told myself when I moved here that I would have a section in the office of all things zen. A space that can provide me with some calm and clarity. So, I really need to work on bringing that out.

➔ Truly let go of those in my life who also don’t spark joy

I recently discovered someone who was important to me blocked me and that’s fine, if that’s how you feel, that’s how you feel. I can’t tell someone how to feel and vice versa. But it did remind me that I was holding on to a memory, an idea, a someone that I use to know and I think one of the most painful things we will experience in life over and over again is that sometimes the people who are the most close to us can grow into someone we don’t know. That realization feels a lot like abandonment and manipulation; but people are allowed to grow into whoever tf they want, when they want.

In addition to that: when people show you what they think of you, believe them the first time. If it doesn’t align with your values, your vibe, then cut them off too. Those truly close to you won’t badger and tell you what to do with your life or time. People these days lack the ability to just fuckin listen. They also lack empathy and compassion. That’s their problem, not yours.

➔ Take time to show up

I have a ton of friends who will jump up to remind me I’m dope af. I’m funny. I’m pretty. I’m cute. That I’m strong and I take chances and no shit from others (typically). But I have a hard time telling myself these things and believing it. We are our insecurities. As I age and since I was pregnant I’ve grown to hate my face and my skin more and more. I don’t know how to put on foundation that makes me look airbrushed, no matter how hard I try.

I use to be obsessed with this thing I’d do from time to time I’d call Project Pretty and yes, most of the time it did build my confidence doing these challenges. But no matter how many times I tell myself NOW that I’ll do this, I can’t seem to find the time. I barely have time to sleep properly. But I really want to make more of an effort to show up everyday this week. That means if I decide to just do my hair — that’s fine. If I decided to do my makeup just because — that’s fine. I use to have a makeup routine that took me 4 mins to do before work every day. I need to find another quick easy look like I did then.

The goal is to boost my self confidence. And I hate that I’m placing so much of that on physical appearance but hey, we’re transparent here right?

What are some things you’d want to start doing as an act of self care this week?

Monthly Recap | Feb 2021

I can’t think if I’ve done a monthly recap post here… I know I try to do them regularly on my review blog. But I feel like Feb was significant. At least in the aspect of growth and the universe slapping me upside my head pretty much all month.

My bro said something super interesting the other day;

You need to learn something; until you learn or come to terms with whatever it is, God is going to keep sending you back to figure it out. You ain’t done it in your past lifetime, so now you here in this one doing the same ass shit.

When I say I love blogging, I mean it’s all I’ve ever thought about since I started in 1999. I’m always looking forward to writing my blog posts or about my day. Writing has been my therapy forever and people have tried to take it away from me. But honestly, there’s just something about blogging for me that goes beyond passion. I don’t know why or how. Or what I’m suppose to do with it. But I literally think about blogging ALL THE TIME. So I’m considering what he’s saying and trying to figure out what it is I’m suppose to be doing.

Let’s get on to the recap before I go into the in my feels stuff.

Feb Faves;

EOS Creme Brulee lip balm

Self Care YouTube videos

Audiobooks

Cherry Coke

Feb Discoveries;

I discovered cozy gaming both on YouTube and on TikTok. I also discovered cozy living. I won’t go as far as say Hygge because it’s a bit different than that. I’ve come across a ton of awesome self improvement channels that I can not wait to binge watch! I’ve missed watching normal vlogs on YouTube and I’m so glad I found these! I also decided to take my gaming name a little more seriously; so, introducing my gaming TikTok as well as my gaming blog that has nothing on it right now but will!

I also discovered, I don’t like snow as much as I thought I would! We had crazy snow here in TX and the state wasn’t prepared for it since it’s never happened before. Which is weird, what is Texas prepared for? We were lucky enough in our area that our power and water didn’t go out. But just in case I made sure all of me and Tum’s devices were charged and that every battery bank of mine I could find was fully charged as well. I also made sure to keep candles either lit or nearby. I had never experienced snow before and while it was cool to see snow falling and see inches of snow outside as well as on my balcony; I had absolutely no snow gear so I couldn’t go play!

YouTube Channel Discoveries;

Anh Lin

How cute is her channel theme? I love that her channel focuses on home and gardening! I find the older I get the more I wish I was better at gardening (my mom is crazy talented with keeping every single one of her plants alive), but I can’t even keep a freakin Cactus alive. I don’t know. Is there hope for me?!

Muchelle B

I’d really like to start living a more mindful and fulfilling life. I feel like since moving to Texas I lost the freedom feeling of being inspired and my soul being where it belongs. And it sucks. It’s a weight I wake up with every single day. And I don’t know how to ease it or make it stop. So I’m trying to shift my perspective as much as I can before I lose my shit.

Watching videos like the ones Muchelle posts really helps me to remember the art of slow living (which has never been a thing for me). That taking care of ME is more important than anything else besides you know, paying bills and making sure my girls are fed. I’m working on it ok?

Amy Landino

I just recently stumbled on this channel, as in today. But we’re sticking with the self love, slow living, motivational videos.

Lavendaire

I love Aileen’s videos because as an Asian American it’s so easy to relate to. It provides some insight and that someone understands the struggles we go through with our parents and our upbringing — but also to say it out loud. I’ve always wanted to start a Filipino American blog, if anything to just get the trauma of it all out and hopefully find closure at the same time. Watching her videos have been truly therapeutic.

Koze / Kalyn Nicholson

Of course this all started years ago when I stumbled on Kalyn’s channel and when she created her brand/podcast Koze. The idea of slow living was beyond what I could understand at the time, but I loved watching her simple videos of doing things the cozy way.

Feb Reading Wrap Up;

Sadly I only read one book in Feb, but at least it was a book I really really liked, right?

I read and finished the second book in this series; the audiobooks are fantastic. I’m on Bridge of Souls now and I’m enjoying it just as much as I did the last 2. However Bridge of Souls is actually creepy. Like the concept is. But it takes place in New Orleans, I guess it has to be much more creepy than the rest. I’m scared to find out if this series is a trilogy, I’m not ready for it to end!

Tunnel of Bones is probably my favorite of the 3, and not because she was in Paris. Or because a ton of yum French foods were featured. Or because I’m obsessed with France. The story of the demon boy was so interesting. I get it was suppose to be creepy and I guess it could be but I could not stop listening. I didn’t dare to Google it and find out if it’s a true story or not. But I have been wanting to with a few of these!

Yes it’s a middle grade series, but it’s one of those MG reads that I would SO prefer over every genre. The friendship between Cass and Jacob is so wholesome. I ship their friendship; I won’t mess it up by saying I ship them. You don’t need to date your best friend, sometimes just being bff’s is enough.

February had a lot of ups and downs; things I’m still trying to deal with and make sense of, even if they’re tucked in the back of my mind. For now. But I’m confident I can figure this out, that I can make sense of these things.

So here’s to March; a month of starting the healing process. It’s gonna get wild ya’ll.

Monday Mindfulness Manifestation

So it’s March and well… things get sort of irritating around this time of the year. Just personally. With the people around me. And while no one should have to deal with anything that distrupts their peace, well, this is still real life and some people just can’t seem to comprehend boundaries. And I can keep talking about boundaries and how people make me uncomfortable all of March if I want to, but it won’t change the fact that I “pick my fights” as a truama response. And that, deep down is truly unfortunate. It’s unfortunate that those around me don’t respect me enough to respect my boundaries cause tbh, I don’t have many.

Credit: Relationship Rules Pinterest

People don’t seem to understand that this is your life. Not theirs, not anyone else’s. But they seem to think that when you put down boundaries they’re not comfortable with then you’re the bad guy. You’re crazy. You’re overreacting. What they fail to realize is that you shouldn’t/don’t/won’t give a shit. They don’t pay your bills. They don’t feed you or clothe you. If someone ain’t bringing shit to the table but stress and drama? They don’t need to be in your space. They have no right to it.

And ironically, I get shit about this from every person I’ve dated after I got divorced. It’s not my fault you guys prefer to keep toxic energy around you, but I’m not obligated to. I can hire, kick and promote anyone I want in my life. Cause it’s mine. I’m not a maid. I’m not a servant. I’m not a person who’s rights are stripped away. I’m not a house pet. So it would be really nice if some people would realize this.

This week I’ll be better at reminding myself that my boundaries are mine. And if no one stands with me/up for me then that’s fine. It ain’t shit I haven’t dealt with before. That’s for sure. But I need to do what I need to do to protect my peace.

What are some things you hope to manifest this week? Have you ever found yourself in a similar position?