#onelittleword 2020

Every year for the last 6 years I’ve done #OneLittleWord; unfortunately the graphic program I used to make my previous ones has decided to just… disappear. I knew the day would come lol. So this year I created my own graphic.

I don’t know how I feel about it. But here it is.

My #OneLittleWord for 2021 is Courage.

Courage; to do the things I’ve recently been aware I’m re-afraid to do. Courage; to convince myself the lies my mind, my anxiety and my OCD tell me are false. Courage; to heal properly, even if getting there will hurt like hell. Courage; to see my friends and family again. Courage; to BE better cause Tums deserves the very best side of me.

The courage to finish writing a book. The courage to really go in on blogging and content creating. The courage to go back to school and finish my final year and get my BA in Communications, how much of a game changer that will be. The courage to stand up for myself, knowing I’m standing alone. The courage to remind myself of who I am because how can my oldest friends know and I sit here and act like I don’t?

I spent 2019 in the dark and I spent 2020 in a hazy fog. I’m finally feeling myself reach the less foggy area’s of the things that have recently happened. But even when I’m in the clear, the fight isn’t over. The fight is never over, it just changes. And that’s fine. My life would be boring if I never had to fight something.

My boundaries and my roots are incredibly important to me, and I will make that loud and clear in 2021. And this time no one is going to stand in my damn way.

Friday Finds

I debated on doing one of these this week; Christmas/New Years week always feels like some really weird in between gray area. I lose sense of time, of what day it is. Even with a strict list of what posts are suppose to go up this week all I can think of is but I really just want to sleep. It’s been cold af here in TX and I’m not living for it. I hate the cold. So much.

There aren’t many links I’ve discovered this week but I am having fun reading everyone’s yearly recap posts and 2021 goals posts! So if you have one please link it below in the comments, I’d love to read yours!

Cnet talks about 6 Useful Amazon Echo Tips You Should Be Using; My dad gifted me my Echo Dot the year before he passed away. And he was so excited for me to have it. We use it for almost everything in this household. I even got an Echo Show for my bedroom and planning to get a Kid’s Echo Dot for the office/Tums playroom!

Fast Company is talking about The 26 Best New Apps of 2020; I’m always on the hunt for a good app to fall in love with — though I really need to organize my ISO’s. But we’ll talk about that part later.

I signed up to be a contributor at ThriveGlobal; It’s been a goal of mine for awhile to publish writing. I just… don’t know what to write about. They have a ton of interesting articles covering a bunch of different subjects.

Shealea from Shut Up, Shealea (interesting blog name for sure) talks about 23 Books by Filipino authors; I’ve been trying to add more Filipino authors as well as learn more about my culture in 2021. There’s a lot I don’t know and there’s a lot of differences when you learn about it from a Philippines versus Western stand point. I want to be able to educate and expose T to as much of her Filipino culture as I can and as someone who’s first gen Filipino American, I worry a lot of the things I was exposed to will be lost since I don’t have those certain roots to the Philippines itself. I try to speak Tagalog and Cebuano to her as much as I can but it’s not enough for her to pick up, I don’t think. Which also worries me.

The downside to the holiday being over? Putting the holiday decor away. Ugh lol.

How was your week? Did you find any cool links around the web?

Things I’m Leaving in 2020

Things I’m Leaving in 2020

2020 has showed us a lot of things about ourselves, our surroundings, our company we keep and about society. There are a lot of things I still carry around with me that I shouldn’t. That I don’t need to. Pain is hard to cope with. Loss is even harder. I’m the type to cling on to the darkness because the light just means what goes up must come down. And you can’t go down if you’re already there.

But I also need to remember; I’m not some broken teenager with a notebook full of secrets. I’m not that girl who constantly wished for someone to notice her and love her just as she is. I’m not searching for someone to fill a void in my life anymore.

Cause I love myself more than anyone could ever love me. Except maybe my mom and my daughter and my cat. I learned that I don’t need some dude to make me feel my worth because I know my worth. And at times I tend to forget. 2020 made the heavy things even heavier, and I’m tired of carrying it all around with me.

I’m not one to actually fully heal from anything. I kind of just store it away and pull it out from time to time. So I’m not entirely sure I’m capable of healing. But hey, there’s a first time for everything, right?

I have a tendency to ask my friends whenever it seems like they’re stuck at a fork in the road: if this was your life one year from today, would you be happy?

My bro has a habit of throwing the same question at me sometimes: but what do YOU want?

Continue reading “Things I’m Leaving in 2020”

My Week Recap; Nov 28th – Dec 5th

I want SOBADLY to bring this feature back to at least one of my blogs but it’s so time consuming and my Sunday’s (when I’d usually write them) is so packed with cleaning and prepping for the week. Today however, I’m going to attempt to do this even if it has to be the short version.

I managed to wrap, pack and ship 3 out of 5 holiday packages, before Dec 10th. THANK GOODNESS. My bank account may hate me, but whatever. I’d totally rather get it done early than scramble around like I usually do. There were so many new things at Bath & Body Works and I write all that kind of stuff on hazearella but I did grab hand soaps and body washes, my stores were completely sold out of candles for candle day/weekend which is nuts. I ended up exchanging my candles for store credit instead which is fine, do I really need more candles?!

This week has been a blur, but I feel like I spent a good amount of time just relaxing. I’ve been stressed out of my mind but you know, what can you really do?

Ironically one of my grocery stores has Peonies?! So of course I grabbed one. I also saw that Trader Joe’s has Calla’s but I forgot to grab one. Maybe next weekend. Tums found a new favorite show that has to do with a monkey get his ass whooped by other animals. It’s pretty funny but I don’t see how this is a show for kids. Tums seems to like it and I don’t know if I should be impressed or worried lol.

I also attempted to take more “Christmasy” pics of her for the Christmas card but I’m honestly at a loss at what I want the card to be. I wish we could do a family holiday photoshoot but Bubba doesn’t really like being in pictures. I will never understand what is it with guys and NOT wanting to be in photos, esp with their kids. It’s getting a little harder to take photos with Tums since all she wants to do is play, maybe this is why when people do family photos with a toddler it usually looks candid.

Our Hello Fresh* (here’s a code for $70 off) meal we made this week was Stuffed Bell Peppers and I really liked it. I ate everything, including the Bell Pepper which I usually don’t gravitate towards. Bubba also made me a homemade Peppermint Mocha with crushed up Candy Canes. He really went above and beyond with this one lol. It was so good. Like ridic how good it was, I had it two nights in a row! He also made Tums her own “Hot Chocolate” since she wanted my whipped cream lol.

Hit up my friend JR who I misssss! I love the friends that you can go months or YEARS not speaking to and falling back into conversation with them is just as easy as it’s always been. These are my types of people. Even if they all got jokes about me lol, can’t blame them, they’re 100% right lol. JR and I use to work at Six Flags together in Cash Control, so us and a bunch of other people spent 12-18 hours a day in a small room together counting money. Weird things happen when everyone is tired and hungry and just want to go home. But these people became friends and family to me and I’m so so glad I still talk to some of them even if it’s years apart. It reminded me of how much I miss being home in Cali and how much I miss being near friends and family. I miss knowing there were people there I could hang out with or just grab lunch with if I was in a bad mood. People who know how to read me and know how to handle my moods without judgement.

I never really feel lonely, ever. I’ve always been one to stay to myself and even though I have a lot of friends, I’m also good just being alone. But the longer I’m in Texas with absolutely no one who knows me that I’m able to hang around is really really starting to irritate my soul. I feel so isolated here. And my friends really do try super hard to make sure I don’t feel alone even if they’re in CA or FL but I also miss the vibes of those states. Texas feels like an angry mom who you have to walk around eggshells on and shit talks your every attempt to be creative. This is my least favorite state to live in. I don’t even feel like I can be 100% myself here without feeling like someone will have something to say.

Probably the root core of most of my anxiety and depression lately. Covid doesn’t fuckin help, at all.

Taking photos of a toddler is SO hard these days, like child just STOP moving for like 5 seconds. Tums got her rainboots I got her, they light up. She LOVES them. She’s been wearing them around the house like crazy every day since she got them.

Bubba got his advent calendar but he’s been giving them to Tums. Sigh. She’s ready to be potty trained as well and ironically I got a training potty for review. That I just had to stop mid blog post to put together since it came in. Looking at it now, it’s a kind of weird concept. So instead of changing diapers… I have to change this bowl thing?!

Yah this will be fun for my OCD, I can see it now.

How was your week?

Monday Mindfulness Manifestation

This week has been crazy.

We fully moved into the new place (which I swear I feel like a broken record at this point, my bad yall) and now it’s just a matter of organizing things, sorting through things I want to keep and get rid of, cleaning, and cleaning some more. I had plans to decorate but due to money issues (isn’t adulting fun) that’s gonna have to wait. I also need to buckle up and be way more mindful of what I’m buying. I really want to replace my desk and my night stand but I haven’t found one of either that I actually like, so.

This week I want to focus on staying calm and trying to control my OCD as I go through and clean the new place. I want to focus on not letting the feeling of being overwhelmed distract or discourage me; and I know that’s a lot to be asking but I really really want to try to manage these emotions this week because I KNOW they’ll come up.

I want to focus on making this place the zen, clutter free home I’ve always dreamed of. I also want to make Tums’ play area the way I envisioned it. Which will probably take a lot longer than I’d like to admit. But it’s a process, right?!

I’m trying to keep up with blogtober as best as I can despite missing Saturday and Sunday; maybe I’ll keep the weekends free since Saturday is usually errands day and Sunday is usually my full home cleaning day. If only people got paid to be mothers lmao (as I hold the baby on my lap while typing this)!

I hope you’re all having a wonderful day and I’m wishing you a wonderful and productive week!

“Time won’t wait for you,”

Something my dad constantly, as in every single morning, told me as he was waking me up for school and as I struggled to want to even be alive. And despite how frustrated I made him, he never yelled or got overly mad.

But this is something that has stuck with me my whole life.

It might had contributed to what I call my White Rabbit Syndrome where I feel like I’m constantly racing against time. WHO KNOWS.

The last time I saw my dad; Dec 2013

Today marks one year since my dad passed away after a 8 year battle with Cancer. Whew, counting that blew my mind. While death from Cancer is never a positive outcome, obviously, he was lucky to had lived that long. My dad had his own anxieties that showed up when I was really young. He was obsessed with the fact that he was dying long before he was even diagnosed with Cancer and that was hard to deal with since he’d use it as a reason against an argument or that “I don’t feel good, I might be dying, I don’t know,” I almost feel like being diagnosed brought him some sort of weird anxiety relief.

And at first, it didn’t see so bad. He had radiation therapy and he was constantly sick but it wasn’t anything that seemed like it would disrupt how our lives were normally lived. So I’ll admit that for the first few years it was hard to imagine there was Cancer because nothing really changed. He wasn’t losing hair or weight or anything. A year after he was diagnosed I got my job back at Disney World so in 2013 I moved back to Florida. We came back to visit that December. In October it was my dad who called and told me that my dog passed away. So to be there without him that year was really hard for me.

I never went back after that. I never saw my dad after that.

And that will always be the hardest thing to swallow.

Continue reading ““Time won’t wait for you,””

Friday Finds (5)

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This week has been pretty slow; I’ve been invested in working on my food blog and on me and my BFF’s travel blog (which still needs A LOTTT or work). So I haven’t really been bookmarking a ton of things or on Twitter as much as I should  or I guess feel like I should be! I hate the new WP editor btw, it definitely lags my laptop and it’s just so frustrating!

〉 I’m sharing Joy the Baker’s Let it Be Sunday post; she shares a bunch of great podcasts I’d like to give a try!

〉 I’m a sucker for Coconut Agua Fresca so when I stumbled on Pinch of Yum’s post about Cucumber Agua Fresca I immediately saved it hopes I could replace the Cucumber with Coconut!

〉 ICYMI I shared my story about my history with The Haunted Mansion attraction in honor of their 51st Anniversary of Happy Haunts.

I also shared my Fall TBR for 2020 on hazearella this week. I’ll be posting the reviews here though!

I definitely have a thing about reading other people’s lists of things that made them happy! Check out May’s list

Definitely had planned on linking most posts but this editor is really working my nerves lol sorry guys, I’m gonna figure out how to fix it or at least get my laptop to stop lagging.

Is anyone else having this problem with the new WP editor?

Happy 51st Anniversary Haunted Mansion

The Haunted Mansion celebrated its 51st anniversary this week and I figured maybe I should write down my lifelong experience and struggle with this attraction; that I absolutely hated then grew to love.

When I was little, like maybe 7 I went to Disneyland with my cousin’s family. And my cousin made me promise to keep my eyes open the entire ride and if I didn’t I’d go to Hell (legit, that’s what she said). I looked around not knowing WHAT this ride was but saw that there was “creepy” music, a freakin graveyard that my little 7 year old mind thought was  real and workers that looked like if I sceamed for help they sure as hell wouldn’t help me.

So I get on the ride, sharing a buggy with my mom and she’s like “look!” and I had my eyes covered SOBBING cause I was so scared. I knew at some point a ghost pops up behind you and the freakin narrator and his “and a ghost will follow you home” shit wasn’t helping. We met up with my brother who I think was with my dad or my other cousin and he was like, crying.

And I never spoke about that ride or EVER got back on it.

Continue reading “Happy 51st Anniversary Haunted Mansion”

Monday Mindful Manifestation

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Okay ya’ll, I know by now you probably see a theme in the affirmations I’m picking. I’m struggling through some stuff but I’m working on it. Or well, trying to. Writing has always been my therapy but I don’t feel safe or comfortable writing what I’m trying to get through. Besides, healing is a journey not a destination.

A few good things that happened this week (I have pictures this time)!

Continue reading “Monday Mindful Manifestation”

Friday Finds (4)

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Am I the only one who absolutely loves reading posts like this? I got this idea from Lark & Linen’s Monday Musings and Joy The Baker’s Let It Be Sunday; two blogs I’ve been reading for what feels like FOREVER. I have to admit I look forward to both of these blog posts of theirs every week!

Then again I’m pretty much a sucker for all things round up post like. I know I love lists but dang, do I love them  that  much? The answer is yes, yes I do.

And because this is a  mental health blog (technically), I think I’ll add something I’m thankful for every week (I use to do weekly recap posts on my old old personal blog and I honestly miss doing them but I don’t think there’s an audience here for that). I need to sprinkle MORE positivity into my life (cause you can’t have too much, I hope)!

I usually only run errands on Sat (tbh it’s the ONLY DAY I get to get out of the house, no joke) but last Saturday I got to run them in one of my current favorite cities. It also turned into a foodie day of yummy Macarons, cupcakes, a new chicken place find and donuts that my husband and baby ate before I could even have one. So there’s that lol. But also this week I spent some time texting my childhood bff turned DOCTOR and of course it’s always a good week when my bff AJ can squeeze some time to call or you know, we align our days so that we’re both awake at the same time lol. Adulthood is hard, but the fact that my friends who are states away make me feel like I’m never alone really speaks volumes and I love them all to The Death Star and back!

ON TO THE LINKS;

Continue reading “Friday Finds (4)”