I get headaches and migraines a lot when I stress out or just PMS and other things. When it rains/snows. I’ve been getting them since I was about 17 but never really thought too much of it — it was back before Google and everything was Ask Jeeves. I remember taking Motrin every 2 hours, no joke. And some days it would just linger for a week. These days it’s just the PMS ones that tend to last all week and that shit is annoying. Then I discovered Excedrin.
Just a little background, I’ve also had Ulcers a lot as a kid. For some reason mostly in the summer and I wouldn’t be able to drink Lemonade. I remember one other time I had one when I went to work; I worked at KFC at 17 and I remember whining to everyone I was closing with. It felt like this mass that just ached constantly. No matter how much I’d eat didn’t matter. It’s the most annoying thing ever. But I somehow survived. Guess I really wanted that $5.75 lol.
I later then learned that Excedrin can cause Ulcers if used too often. Which sucks because it’s like the fail safe way for me to get rid of my migraines. But some days I have to choose which pain would be better or worse. Tbh, they’re both freakin awful. It’s just switching places on my body that hurts.
Last week-ish I somehow got away with taking Excedrin with no side effects and my stupid ass got a little too hyped and fucked up. Now I feel like I have this never ending baby Ulcer or something. I’m not sure. I just know that I keep having this dull pain and when I’m hungry, I’m HUNGRY. Like tummy talking hungry. Which hardly ever happens.
I’m still working on a title for this, suffer with me.
Also I never know what word is and isn’t capitalized in titles sometimes, so yes, also suffer that with me lol.
This week has been draining; I don’t know how SAHM’s do it. For years. Cause I’m ready to go back to work — happily!! I love my kid and the only reason why I’m so hesitant to go back to work is because I don’t have anyone here that I trust to watch her if I do work. My brother has been asking me what do I want in life lately and I wish it was that easy to say this or that and do it like I use to. I hate the idea of marriage because I don’t feel free. I don’t feel like I can be myself whole and unapologetic. And I hate it.
This week has also been a trip. A reality slap into well, reality. Things I can’t really talk about cause I feel like nowhere is even safe anymore. But it absolutely shook my foundation and I wasn’t expecting that to happen, at all. But it also went without explanation and a lot of reflecting. But hey, that’s life, right?
I’ve also been enjoying these homemade Peppermint Mocha’s, still have yet to get my red cup from Starbucks for this year. But at the same time… I’m not at all in the holiday spirit. I was, but now I’m not and it sucks. You’d think that having a kid and 3 tree’s in the house would idk, make it feel less empty I guess? But I’m right back to where I started. Granted I shouldn’t let other people change my mood or my intention for the holiday and yet I always do. Next year will be happier, I hope.
I’ve been missing my friends so fiercely lately. It makes my heart hurt even more when they say they miss me. I’m counting down the days until I see them all again and get my millions of hugs I requested from them. I did end up swapping gifts with a few of them — who have all said they weren’t going to open their’s until I got mine/on Christmas.
Found my favorite Sour Cherry candy from 8th grade!! I use to smack on these so hard and it would piss my cousin off lol. This is one of those childhood Dollar Tree finds. It’s been years since I saw these!
I got my clothing haul from Shein, and I’m trying to figure out how to do a haul video? Post? Idk. Clothing and me are so weird. Tums is wearing her Easter raincoat I got her from last Spring, it surprisingly still fits her. She also got to take her rainboots out of the house for the first time! Really wish I could find those baby shoes that light up that aren’t rainboots. Toddlers are impossible to take photos of. Goodness.
Speaking of; she got 3 new plushies yesterday at Game Stop. She also has been stacking things like crazy all over the apartment. I randomly find things stacked on things so nice and neatly. And she stole my eggroll while I was on the phone with my friend. Which is weird cause the box was right in front of me and I was looking in that direction the whole time?? Toddlers are sneaky.
My friend and I have always came up with like… secret club names. I don’t know why. We’ve always been this way. We started with MOD (which we should had taken more seriously), then with oG_3 and now like 18 years later (shit we’re old) we have MAS. It’s just what we do. But it’s nice having bits of the week feel like we’re just two teenagers on the phone feeling like high school all over again — until one of our children cries. Then that whole thing is just SHATTERED lol.
And some smaller things to note this week; I got my clammie of Department Store Santa from Honey Soda Co which I LOVE. I really need to post my hauls/reviews of her stuff cause they’re some of my favs from this year. But this scent literally makes my room smell like Starbucks in December. No joke. Not even “slightly” like SPOT FREAKN ON. It’s amazing.
I spotted some super fancy chocolate bars at Central Market. These always interest me but they’re also so expensive. I think this bar was like $9. That’s a dang investment lol. Some day I’ll do a taste test video. Maybe whenever JR gets to Texas! That’ll be fun!
I also finally, after like 4 months, got sushi. And you wouldn’t believe how hard it is to find Udon around here?! Like we have Ramen places for days but Udon? Not so much.
I’m in a such a depressed mood today, ah. I’m really hoping I can cheer up before bed and do something productive that my future self can thank me for lol.
I’m feeling slightly better from being sick over the week and weekend! I’m ready to get back to work — after I take a nap.
I’ve been listening to a lot rap lately; but then again I usually do. But more so recently, being sick last week sucked. I hate feeling sick during the holidays or pre-holidays because I always feel like I have so much to do. It honestly doesn’t help that whenever you’re feeling at your lowest it seems like the universe wants to remind you all these things are coming up that you have never heard of before!
So this week is going to be a week mostly of catch up. With making calls I need to make, cleaning, wrapping gifts for my family and friends, and getting ready to ship things. Also to look into things I’d like to bake for the holidays. And set up my streaming/Switch stuff. Oh… and my end of the year TBR. I really really need to work on that TBR plus I’m so close to finishing my GoodReads reading challenge!
So this week I want to try to remind myself to chill out, grab some coffee, think these things through and plan realistically and handle it. It’s almost 2021 and I need to get my mind, my soul, and my money right.
My current playlist;
My Shit Bang by E-40
Zipper by Jason Derulo
Gangsta Nation by Westside Connection
Hood Stomped Out by Clyde Carson
Walk it Out by Unk
Is That Your Chick by Memphis Bleek
What Means The World To You by Cam’ron
Get Your Walk On by Xzibit
I Think They Like Me by Dem Franchize Boyz
Grillz by Nelly
F Em All by ThisWae
A lottttttt of these songs bring me back to high school and college and of course ThisWae is my brother. This is legit one of my favorite tracks by him. And the video is dope af.
I don’t talk much about my before life but I grew up in a hood ass area. Graduated from a hood ass high school after being kicked out of my own high school. Can “childhood trouble makers” grow up to be decent adults and successful? ABSO-FUCKIN-LUTLY. Who you are in high school does NOT define you. I’ve seen a handful of the worst people I graduated with grow into business men, I’ve watched them find success, and be amazing fathers and husbands. And we ALL cheer each other on. It’s been years since we graduated but I’m still just as close to all of them, they all support me, lift me up and cheer me on when I need it.
It might also help to explain my ex husband was just as hood. I loved watching him c-walk. We were those annoying ass people who sat in a mall parking lot bumping rap with their car doors open just chillen. I met Wae through my ex husband, they rolled in the same circle. Wae himself has put him and his friends in fights and all kinds of crazy shit when we were kids. But ever since the first day I met Wae he had my back. When people at work were harassing and shit talking me, he stood up and told them to back off. It’s rare to find people like that, so when you do, you hold on to them tight. The love I have for him is absolutely endless.
So rap and hip hop have been a huge part of my life. And I hate that the more I’m away from home, or people like me, the more I feel that part of myself fade away. It only comes back when people push me to my limit and I stop caring about what people think or say about me. Esp since I’m a really nice person and I really try to stay out of peoples way.
So this week, I’ll remember who I am. Where I came from. What I’ve accomplished and what I know I’m capable of.