Word Vomit | That New New

I know there isn’t a Friday Finds post up today and that’s because a lot has been going on all week and I’ve been… in a really angry mood. I could say I’m not sure why but that would be lying and I won’t lie to you or myself. Esp when it comes to my mental health. My therapist started me on a sort of booster anti anxiety med to take along with the Zoloft. It’s like.. it’s suppose to help calm me and help stop the small hallucinations I get. Oh and help me sleep. And it does, but I take it before bed so through the day I’m trying to figure out how to deal with everything.

Makes me miss the days of Xanax.

Tums has been in that stage where she was too much energy and she’s draining me. I know she has BIG emotions for such a little thing and trying to come up with ways to diffuse her melt downs while still trying to keep my shit together? I feel like this is some kind of level up. Is this how my exes feel? JFC. It’s usually easy to manage, it’s just when her dad comes home she starts acting out… and it makes sense why she does.

Gave in and got this for the Switch, I know the new one is coming out soon but I couldn’t remember if I liked Harvest Moon. I haven’t gotten very far just yet but the opening scenes are.. sad. I just needed a new game to farm and craft on. Currently waiting for the Sanrio Amiibo cards for Animal Crossing to come out. I also tore down some of my waterfalls in my entrance way cause I’m gonna make smaller ones. Or more hills. I don’t know. But it wasn’t enough cottagecore vibes for me.

I absolutely love when I find toddler toys for review that Tums actually loves. One I got her in Dec was a truck with shapes your match around it. She likes to build, so she basically just stacked all the blocks but she would spend hours doing this. Another that I just got her about a week ago is this set of 100 blocks (I know, RIP me) that she can build different things with. It’s helped give her something to do in the morning while I make her breakfast and she’s not crying cause I’m “away”. I also got her like a new age Etch a Sketch that’s actually really cool. And she’s been drawing on it. I taught her how to draw hearts. I’m working on butterflies next!

I amazes me how she’s not even 2 and we have our routines. There’s little things she makes sure to do for me, even if I don’t ask. She’ll put the morning juice on the table if I hand it to her. She starts the dish washer after I ask her to shut it. She shuts the laundry room door every single time she see’s it open. She also covers up all the plugs in the office with those plug cover things. I got colorful animals. But she doesn’t put random things in her mouth and she doesn’t play with the actual outlet. She knows it goes there. She also hands me my phone or my Kindle as soon as I get in bed. And she puts her toys away, oh she also picks up after herself! And if she catches me crying she usually punches me in the face. We’re working on that one lmao.

I gave in and upgraded this blog to a business plan; I honestly hate how limited the paid tier is despite how much it costs. And sure, it would be A LOT cheaper if I had just re-created the whole blog on my actual hosting service but I feel like I spent years building THIS blog up and idk, I’m weird about things sometimes. I’m still trying to figure out how set up extra things with the business plans like my usual plug ins and all that other “extra” stuff.

Guess who got to it first 😂😭

I finally got my iPad back yesterday, it had stopped completely charging a month ago and after a week of no results I decided to bring it to Geek Squad to repair while it was still covered. They said it would take 3-5 business days but it took about 2 weeks before I heard anything back. But she’s home now and she’s set up. Kinda. I just gotta organize everything all over again.

I also caved and upgraded my iPhone8 to the iPhone12 (and not the mini for once). I was super against the idea of it because my dad’s last text message to me is on my 8. Thankfully since the phone is paid for I didn’t have to trade it in, so I still have it. But I got the iPhone12 in blue. I hated all the other color options. And I don’t believe in phone cases, and no I never drop/break my iPhone either. OCD is good for something sometimes. I’m in love with it so far! The camera is SO much more than my 8 was! And I actually like the bigger screen. The only downside for me is that it uses the USB-C cable and well, everything I have is the lightning cable.

Tomorrow I start on organizing the closet and the office. Oh and also attempting to make wax melts! I’m pretty excited about that! And Sunday I’ll be sharing a ton of small businesses I bought Disney shifts from for our upcoming trip!

I know word vomit posts aren’t suppose to have pictures but eh, whatever.

I hope you all are having a great Friday and have a fun weekend planned!

Monday Mindful Manifestation

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Okay ya’ll, I know by now you probably see a theme in the affirmations I’m picking. I’m struggling through some stuff but I’m working on it. Or well, trying to. Writing has always been my therapy but I don’t feel safe or comfortable writing what I’m trying to get through. Besides, healing is a journey not a destination.

A few good things that happened this week (I have pictures this time)!

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Monday Mindful Manifestation

Kamusta ka?

I know I missed 2 other blog posts last week and I’m hoping I’ll have time to make up for it this week; that’s just life. I got caught up in rebuilding hazearella which I’m proud of the results at the end of the week!

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Monday Mindful Manifestation

This was actually a quote provided by Word Swag which is an app I use for tagging my photos or if I want to put text in an image. I love the font options and they also provide quotes.

This is one saying/quote I remember hearing in high school and it really struck me. I get that moving around isn’t everyone’s cup of coffee but it’s mine. I get that traveling isn’t everyone’s desire, but it’s mine and it always has been.

I never believed in staying in one place forever. Even as a child I dreamed of all the states I could move to and all the countries and cultures I could see and experience.

A lot of things didn’t happen. Some things took years to happen. And with this pandemic my soul just aches in a way I can’t explain; I miss getting on a plane. I miss experiencing new places and new things. And now it seems like all of that is lost.

So this week I want to remind myself that it isn’t lost, it’s just going to take some time. In the meantime, focus on here and now. On rebuilding your passions and teaching Tums to find hers. I’m also going to remind myself that traveling will be much more fun once she can walk on her own (and less tiring on me)!

I also want to remind myself that just because here isn’t where you want to be doesn’t mean you can’t look for new adventures. Wasn’t I the one who said adventure can be found anywhere?

I need to remind myself that it’s ok if things feel hard; but it’s not ok to stay there. At some point you gotta get up and find something to look forward to.

What is a thought or saying you’d like to remind yourself this week?

3 Weekly Things I Do As Self Care

3 Weekly Things I Do As Self Care

It’s 355am, clearly sleeping isn’t one of them. At least without a sleeping aid. I’ll get that checked, some day (that’s another story for another post).

Welcome to the summer edition of this sort of feature I suppose. As seasons change so do our routines and surroundings. Self care is more of a journey than a destination and my ways of caring for myself change every now and then. It’s always interesting to see what I’ll add and what I’ll take away. And even more interesting when I don’t even noticed I’ve added something until I look back at my camera roll (please say I’m not the only one).

That pandemic is still in full force; possibly in even more fuller force? At least here in Texas it seems to be getting worse. But we all knew that was going to happen, right? Still, it’s starting to test the limits of my anxiety and intrusive thoughts. I’m honestly surprised it took 3 months for it to start itching but I still need to get it under control. FAST. Of course when there’s a life threatening virus no one can see and can be easily transported ANYWHERE it’s kind of hard to not be paranoid (my husband’s uncle tested positive very recently but thankfully his mom and himself tested negative, though I’ve heard of false results and my ocd is RUNNING TO THE MOON with that info let me tell you).

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Monday Mindful Manifestation

So how did I do with last week’s MMM? I think I did pretty well; I obviously haven’t worked through  all of it but I’ve at least tried to actively make moves to be better at controlling my thoughts and feelings towards it.

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This weeks Monday Mindful Manifestation is something that I’ve always truly believed and something that I stick to as much as I can. I get to choose my tribe and my circle. I get to have control over what type of energy I want to surround myself with and knowing I’m a creative type, I like to keep other likeminded and creative people around me. I love bouncing ideas off of friends, they definitely help me stay on my goals and help hold me accountable. And if I have a problem, they help me brainstorm a solution.

I’ve always believed that people who sit around talking about other people have small minds, and project their own insecurities super loudly by doing so. Maybe it’s just me, I’d rather spend my energy creating than hating.

The energy you keep is the energy you’re feeding yourself, make sure it’s good.

You can’t live a positive life with a negative mind set and environment, trust me. I’ve tried. And no matter how hard you push, no matter how hard you work on yourself, your environment plays a HUGE part in your outcome and your mental health. So stay healthy, and that includes keeping positive people around you.

This is my manifestation for this week — a reminder to reach out to my loved ones when I feel like I’m struggling.

Monday Mindful Manifestation

This morning I thought of something I wanted to manifest and wanted to share it on my blog; maybe every week I’ll make it a point to think of what I want to manifest for that week or even just that day.

I admit that I absolutely tend to care what people say or think about me. Sometimes a little too much. There was a time I legitimately didn’t care cause I was either so self confident in myself or too full of myself to even believe them; I often miss those days and wonder where they went — but tbh they were the last days before anxiety crept into my life and changed everything.

It’s been over 10 years since then and my name has been dragged through the mud so much since. Between ex boyfriends and ex husbands who tell reverse tales of what really happened, to ex and current in laws who shame me for speaking about mental health and sharing my stories (which to them makes me “full of shit” and a bad mom).

I know you can’t please everyone and the ones who know you best will always know who you truly are despite what anyone says about you; but it does bother me. And it does take a lot of my thought process and healing space.

So this week, I’m manifesting the quote above; people will always have something to say about you, but what they say and what they think is none of your business in the first place.

What I think about myself is my business.

What are you hoping to manifest this week?

Recap 2020; March

This year is just zooming by already; I can’t believe we’re in April.

March  wasn’t a good month, and I’m sure a lot of other people can relate to that statement. Besides the whole Coronavirus thing going on which is freaking everyone out, causing panic purchasing and forcing everyone world wide to stay home — we were hit with the flu a week before it all happened. I don’t usually have more than a 48hr flu, if even that. So the fact I was down and out for a whole week is insane. I haven’t been  that sick since I was a kid. And tbh I barely ever got sick — until I got married and had a kid. Now I feel like I’m  always sick and I fuckin hate it.

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Fuck The Flu;

This week has been awful.

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Bubba got the flu last Saturday and he passed it to Tums who then passed it to me. Bubba seemed to get over it the quickest at like 2 days. Tums took about maybe 3 days and I’m  still sick a week later. I’m starting to feel a little more like myself every day; minus the dizziness and not being very hungry.

But at least the fevers for me only lasted about 2 days. Every time I ate I felt like throwing up and the dizziness came around day 4 and still hasn’t left. It’s not like super extreme or anything but enough to be annoying. I’ve been trying to get as much rest and sleep as I can (something that’s hard to do with a baby who can’t self soothe yet) and forcing myself to eat. I’m awful when it comes to liquids mainly because I HATE water but I’ve been trying to drink juice and eat more soup, at least.

Getting the flu always feels like you don’t remember what feeling  well feels like lmao, it’s so weird. And it definitely puts you in the I’ll-be-better-with-my-health plea to the universe.

So, here’s how I plan to be better at being healthy;

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3 Ways I keep Calm

3 Ways I keep Calm

I previously wrote about the 5 Daily Things I Do As Self Care; self care is SUCH a big deal to me and it’s something I’m constantly working on. It’s something I try to make sure I make time for in my every day life.

Keeping calm isn’t something I’m very good at. I stress out super easy. The more I stress out the worst my anxiety gets and it’s a never ending cycle. So there are certain things I keep around to help me/remind me to chill out.

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