2020 has showed us a lot of things about ourselves, our surroundings, our company we keep and about society. There are a lot of things I still carry around with me that I shouldn’t. That I don’t need to. Pain is hard to cope with. Loss is even harder. I’m the type to cling on to the darkness because the light just means what goes up must come down. And you can’t go down if you’re already there.
But I also need to remember; I’m not some broken teenager with a notebook full of secrets. I’m not that girl who constantly wished for someone to notice her and love her just as she is. I’m not searching for someone to fill a void in my life anymore.
Cause I love myself more than anyone could ever love me. Except maybe my mom and my daughter and my cat. I learned that I don’t need some dude to make me feel my worth because I know my worth. And at times I tend to forget. 2020 made the heavy things even heavier, and I’m tired of carrying it all around with me.
I’m not one to actually fully heal from anything. I kind of just store it away and pull it out from time to time. So I’m not entirely sure I’m capable of healing. But hey, there’s a first time for everything, right?
I have a tendency to ask my friends whenever it seems like they’re stuck at a fork in the road: if this was your life one year from today, would you be happy?
My bro has a habit of throwing the same question at me sometimes: but what do YOU want?
My cousin has been bugging me to Sage Cleanse for maybe a year or two now. Ever since he started doing it. In March my BFF sent me Sage along with my Disney snack “because we both need good vibes after 2019,” I finally gave it a try about a month (or less) ago. And I’ve been obsessed since. Honestly, the first time I did a whole apartment Sage Cleanse I got really sleepy and hungry. My cousin was like “yeah girl, that’s all those bad vibes getting the hell out.”
Since then I picked up this one with Lavender from Etsy, and honestly, I’m almost done. It’s been so fun watching the fire ignite even more when you blow on it because of the dried Lavender. Wouldn’t recommend if you have a problem seeing holes; I don’t remember what it was called. I’ve noticed that when I do Sage I don’t get these mini anxiety attacks I usually get in my nightly bath. I’m usually more relaxed then I’ve been in a very long while. And I sleep better. I also like the smell of Sage… it’s kind of comforting.
I don’t know why I took so long to try Sage Cleansing, but I really wish I had started sooner.
It’s 355am, clearly sleeping isn’t one of them. At least without a sleeping aid. I’ll get that checked, some day (that’s another story for another post).
Welcome to the summer edition of this sort of feature I suppose. As seasons change so do our routines and surroundings. Self care is more of a journey than a destination and my ways of caring for myself change every now and then. It’s always interesting to see what I’ll add and what I’ll take away. And even more interesting when I don’t even noticed I’ve added something until I look back at my camera roll (please say I’m not the only one).
That pandemic is still in full force; possibly in even more fuller force? At least here in Texas it seems to be getting worse. But we all knew that was going to happen, right? Still, it’s starting to test the limits of my anxiety and intrusive thoughts. I’m honestly surprised it took 3 months for it to start itching but I still need to get it under control. FAST. Of course when there’s a life threatening virus no one can see and can be easily transported ANYWHERE it’s kind of hard to not be paranoid (my husband’s uncle tested positive very recently but thankfully his mom and himself tested negative, though I’ve heard of false results and my ocd is RUNNING TO THE MOON with that info let me tell you).
Bubba got the flu last Saturday and he passed it to Tums who then passed it to me. Bubba seemed to get over it the quickest at like 2 days. Tums took about maybe 3 days and I’m still sick a week later. I’m starting to feel a little more like myself every day; minus the dizziness and not being very hungry.
But at least the fevers for me only lasted about 2 days. Every time I ate I felt like throwing up and the dizziness came around day 4 and still hasn’t left. It’s not like super extreme or anything but enough to be annoying. I’ve been trying to get as much rest and sleep as I can (something that’s hard to do with a baby who can’t self soothe yet) and forcing myself to eat. I’m awful when it comes to liquids mainly because I HATE water but I’ve been trying to drink juice and eat more soup, at least.
Getting the flu always feels like you don’t remember what feeling well feels like lmao, it’s so weird. And it definitely puts you in the I’ll-be-better-with-my-health plea to the universe.
So, here’s how I plan to be better at being healthy;