Brain Dump | The Steady Struggle

I’ll be honest, nothing too new has been happening. I’ve settled into a sort of comfortable routine. One that makes it so I get my daughter for a week then her dad gets her for a week and on and on and on. It is strange on the weeks she’s not with me. And the week that she is, I feel like they go by way too fast. But she’s settled into our normal routine from before all of this happened.

I’ve jumped back on FFXIV as I’ve mentioned before. I got my Weaver to 90 and I’m still nowhere near Endwalker. My Fisher is about to hit 90 as well. I just really don’t enjoy doing MSQ. I know I should get it done though if I want to experience the new area’s. I heard Cozy Grove got a DLC update and I don’t even know when was the last time I turned my Switch Lite on. I did get CG for the PS5 too so I could stream. But we’ll see. I also picked up a few cute indie games. Still want Kingdom Hearts though and since my PS5 is digital only, I’ll have to re-buy it (I don’t mind digital only honestly — most of my games on my PSN are digital because I move so much. It wouldn’t make sense to have a ton of physical games).

My BFF is house hunting in my area but he hasn’t decided if he likes or dislikes Texas. He wants to invest in buying a house here because compared to California it’s ridiculously cheap and if he’s able to pay it off quickly he can turn it into an Air B&B or rent it out. And with as many people trying to move to TX as there is, it’s a pretty smart move. If you have the money to do it.

Along with that though, I’ve been reminded of things within the Filipino culture I never really paid much attention to. But the more time I witness my BFF and his own parents interaction, the more I’m being reminded of things I lonnnnng forgot about. And it makes me question why Filipino parents — mom’s mostly — are like this? Of course asking my own mom isn’t helpful since she too was guilty of the same thing (and honestly probably still is) so she like to be “unaware” as she’s tried to reason with me about his parents actions. But I don’t know, maybe it’s just that I left home a long time ago and my mom know’s there really isn’t much she can say to make me do what she wants.

That’s the thing about me: at the end of the day I will always do what I want.

It’s my toxic trait. Or not toxic. I don’t think it’s toxic. But the people who don’t like that you have boundaries will say it’s toxic. Well sip sip mf, drink that poison.

I filed for the divorce and holyyyy crap does it suck. Just sending in the papers to the courthouse was close to $500! Like wtf? When I got divorced without kids the last time I didn’t even have to pay anything until AFTER my court hearing. But I had to pay this upfront and there was no way around it?! And this is just the first part! Like wth Texas?! Why is getting divorced with a child 1) so freakin complicated and 2) so expensive?! Like bro, is it not bad enough that I have to battle for custody? WHY DO PEOPLE GET MARRIED?! This is freakin ridiculous! Next time I say I’m getting married, someone just slap me in the back of the head with a 2×4. K? Thanks. There’s also a 61 day waiting period before we can get a court date. So I feel like the next 2 months are going to be some weird Twilight Zone limbo state.

In the mean time I will be re-enrolling into school to finish my BS in Comm and I’ll be applying to remote Comm jobs mostly in my area. I really need to fix my credit and find financial health. Is there somewhere most adults buy it from? Cause some adult things are way beyond me.

Meanwhile my BFF is dropping $200+ on brunch every time he takes me out to eat in Napa.

To be fair, I’m really really proud of him. When we were kids trying to drop out (or you know, I was trying to kill myself) we made a promise. He would come back to Bethel High senior year and he would be sitting right next to me when we graduated high school. That kept me going to finish high school; because we promised. Senior year however, I got kicked out of Bethel and sent to a Continuation High School and Dru managed to go back to Bethel. I went to see him on campus on days I either got out of school early or didn’t go to school. He ended up dropping out before graduation though because honestly Bethel was crap. He ended up getting his GED, I ended up repeating senior year and didn’t graduate high school until 2004 instead of 2003. And we lost touch for awhile. We’ve done and accomplished a lot since high school. He now works as an oil refinery operator and firefighter making six figures, has a crazy high credit score, owns a timeshare in Cancun and an Rx7. Wasn’t the car we talked about as kids that we would get, but at least one of us got their race car.

Proof you don’t have to be ~perfect~ at high school to make it in life. You just have to be determined and driven to be more. High School isn’t for everyone — it def wasn’t it for us — but we’re far from being nothing just because of it. Except you know, we’re still the black sheep of our families. But it’s cool. Who wants to fit in anyway lol.

I wish I had a story to tell that makes me six figures, but I don’t. Not yet. I just started to crawl out of a deep dark depression and I finally feel like I can breathe again. I guess that’s a success story on its own, right? I’m still adjusting to motherhood because every new phase is a new challenge in itself.

I’ll be alright. I always am. I just gotta focus on my goals. And on coming back here to write so Thiswae can stop saying she’s a blogger, kinda, not really, but she is but she not lol. Eff you bro. I know you say it to piss me off and get me to write. And it’s kinda working.

Watch this though.

Gaming; PlayStation 5 & Jumping on FFXIV

After a crap long time of searching, I finally got my hands on a PS5 and I’m so excited!

I called a bunch of Best Buy’s in my city searching for one and my BFF bought me one for my birthday. Well he offered to since he’s trying to get me to get back on FFXIV for some odd reason; so I went searching for one and he literally didn’t even hesitate to get it for me. Along with a purple controller. I’m freaking in love with this console! Everything is so much faster, clearer and runs smoother.

I teleported to Limsa just to see what the lag would be like, there wasn’t any. For the first time ever people weren’t loading in, they were just.. there. It was insane.

There are so many new features to the PS5 that are dope as hell. One being how easy it is to start streaming. Granted, there isn’t a webcam and you’ll need one specific to the PlayStation, but the ease of hitting broadcast and filling out your streaming info is so much easier than it was on the PS4, not just that but it doesn’t lag or get in the way of your game. Taking screenshots is a bit different and there are so many more options including being able to record your game play. But sharing to a profile after taking a screenshot is so much easier and faster! I love it!

Continue reading “Gaming; PlayStation 5 & Jumping on FFXIV”

Cozy Gaming: 5 Games I’m Excited to Try

I’m so glad cozy gaming is a term these days because that’s what I’ve always been drawn to. The perfect games to just wind down with in bed after work. Animal Crossing: Wild World was that for me in 2006 and I even made a blog to keep track of everything I caught and did. I wish I could remember what that blog was called now.

But that’s what got me into cozy gaming! Before then I was a puzzle, MMORPG, fighting games kind of gamer. I’ve always loved Nintendo but it wasn’t until I got the Nintendo DS that I started playing calming games and I noticed they had a way of relaxing me to the point where I could drift to sleep. Zenses was one of these games and I miss that game so much! Donkey Kong vs Mario: March Of The Mini’s was also a game I loved!

The Nintendo Switch and ironically mobile gaming are now filled with soothing relaxing cozy games and it truly makes me wish I had the free time I use to have to jump into these new games I want to try!

So here are 5 that are at the top of my to try list;

| Cozy Grove

I actually saw a friend of mine on my Switch playing this game and thought it sounded cute so I went to check it out. It’s been sitting on my Switch for awhile but I finally gave it a try when Stardew was pissing me off and I was hooked. It’s such a cute game with such a dark story. Literally everything I loved bundled into one. The graphics are so cute and the quests they take you on are interesting enough to keep you engaged. You pretty much have to help these souls remember who they are by doing quests.

Honestly, it’s the skulls on the stakes and the temperamental bonfire for me.

| Stardew Valley

I honestly don’t know how you guys think this game is cozy or relaxing. The only thing relaxed in this game is my lazy ass cat who just plops down randomly. I thought she died at first. This game stresses me out lolol. I don’t know how to make a good amount of money and I don’t know how to explore without passing out. Like why is the map so big if you’re just gonna pass out?! I have so many questions.

My BFF however has a sick ass farm. He downloaded it on Xbox for funsies and hated it. Then the next thing I know he’s fighting slimes and has a whole ass like… farm. It was so organized! I’m like how? when? I’m super jel. But I still can’t figure out how to play this game lol.

| Kingdom Hearts

I already know this game is going to piss me off. But to be fair, I haven’t played this since like… 2004 in its entirety. So here we are, hella years later, about to give this another go/refresher. Only now my ex husband isn’t here to beat Ursula or Sephiroth when I rage quit. To be fair, at the time I hadn’t played FFXI yet so I’d like to think playing FF MMO’s has taught me to rage quit less and enjoy the game more. I love that this version includes both 1.5 and 2.5!

The interweaving storylines of the Kingdom Hearts series is tew much sometimes so I’m excited to start over and relive the magic! And of course, run into my favorite video game character ever: Axel.

| Story of Seasons: Pioneers of Olive Town

I’ve always tried to get into Harvest Moon but I think because my first farming sim Nintendo game was Animal Crossing, I didn’t give it a fair chance because it wasn’t like AC. I saw they redid the series into Story of Seasons and the promo was so cute. I didn’t get the whole box edition but I did get the game. I haven’t tried it yet but I’m excited to see what this is like.

… as I search up the hashtag on Instagram. Anyone else do this? It’s so satisfying.

| Greak: Memories of Azur

This is a random cute game I came across on the Nintendo shop. You play as 3 siblings. It’s a side scroller and the art looks so cute! I don’t know much else about it besides that.

I’m such a sucker for spending a ton of time just scrolling through the Nintendo shop or the Apple Arcade menus. I also love watching cozy gamer TikTok! If I could only get my streaming stuff to work. I just wiped my desktop so I’m going to try again to get it to work. I love finding chill downtime cozy games to play. If it’s a side scroller, even better!

What are some of your favorite cozy games?

Gaming | Animal Crossing; Fall Edition

I completely missed out n the summer events. I’m not entirely sure why. I just didn’t feel like getting on for some reason. I think I was burned out from trying to make the perfect island and was frustrated with all my results.

I stumbled on a AC Twitter post on my feed a few weeks ago talking about the Fall update and how you can deck your island out with all this cute spooky pumpkin shit. And if there’s anything I’m obsessed with other than Fall it’s pumpkins and scarecrows. So I jumped back on and started planting pumpkins.

Now I want to keep my island in October FOREVER!

And yes, that rotten turnip has been there for months. The ants are my friends! Speaking of, I finally caught a dang house fly. You’d think that one would had been easy but no it took FOREVER to get them and only one showed up!

The Nooklings sell the Spooky Arch as well as the Lanterns with the hay but you can also craft them! So far it’s been a hit or miss with my villagers who are crafting if they’re crafting a Spooky item or another dang Cardboard Bed or some shit. I’m sure you can get them through balloons as well but I keep getting clothing and bells. Go figure.

Made a few changes to my house. Finally found a pathway I’m happy with for one. And I got the Spooky Scarecrow! If there’s one thing I love about Halloween besides the pumpkins and lights it’s definitely scarecrows! Enough that I love dressing up as one! I want to put more stuff that lights up without making the yard look cluttered but I don’t know what else to add!

I’m still waiting for the witchy dress to show up in my shop but I did get the hat! And of course my impatient ass keeps time traveling to find items and DIY’s.

I managed to catch a new Shrimp but I have yet to catch the Lobster and the Mermaid’s Purse. Diving was one of my favorite things about Animal Crossing New Leaf! I just hate how you can’t empty your pockets/let sea creatures go while in the ocean.

If you play ACNH how many pumpkin patches do you have on your island right now?

Animal Crossing Update (2)

I totally started this as to be a weekly thing and it just didn’t work out that way.

I’ve beat the game and I’ve honestly been time traveling like crazy. I just get so bored staying still. But also I want to design my island a certain way so I keep hopping to Nov in search of the mushroom diy’s. I know this is gonna kill my fun when Nov actually comes, but I’m impatient.

I’ve also cycled through a few villagers recently. I’m trying to get different personality types to get their diy’s before I actually go for my dreamies. But it is nice to stumble on one that ends up being a dreamie; like Chrissy and Peck were mystery island finds and I love them both so much. Filbert was one of my starters and he’s absolutely not going anywhere.

Continue reading “Animal Crossing Update (2)”

3 New Animal Crossing New Horizons Features I’m Excited About

I wish I had jumped on the Animal Crossing New Horizons train when I had planned to on its launch day but my husband was so set on getting me a Switch I skipped getting one myself, turns out that didn’t happen so I missed launch day. Turns out I missed the Easter and the Cherry Blossom events. A friend of mine time travel’s and let’s me relive those events though lol.

There are a lot of new and exciting features in Animal Crossing New Horizons that haven’t been included in the previous games. And a ton I’m super excited about!

Crafting

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Give me a game where I can fish, gather and craft and I’ll be hooked. And good graphics cause I can’t with Harvest Moon as hard as I try and Stardew Valley.

But the fact that they included crafting in Animal Crossing is like, a dream come true! I’ve been farming DIY cards like crazy! I know you can get two a day from your neighbors, there’s usually one a day on the beach and I even go to mystery island’s hoping to find bottled messages there as well! I haven’t gotten any from balloons lately which sucks. I’m currently looking for the iron stuff to finish my kitchen but I’m missing 2 of the other DIY cards needed to make it, freakin lame.

The cool thing is you can make things like fences, tools, stuff for your house and pretty stuff with the flowers. Not to mention all the pretty seasonal stuff you can craft as well with things like Cherry Blossoms, Acorns and Bamboo!

The only downside is things that are craftable can’t be placed in your purchase catalog for later.

Custom Clothing

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I feel like fashion is the true end game here (and in FFXIV, lets be real). Once you unlock The Able Sisters there’s a kiosk in the back of the shop where you can access thousands of customs people created. From clothes to bedsheets to phone cases and even different types of paths! The possibilities for customization is now endless in this game and a lot of us are here for it!

This Cheshire Cat dress + hat was a custom I had found on Instagram; if you’re curious about my sources I have an Outfit Of The Day stories highlight on my Animal Crossing Instagram! I’m having so much fun dressing my character up!

But besides that, The Able Sisters also now have a dressing room where you can view even MORE clothing they offer! There’s some pretty nice pieces. I found a bunch of outfits that closely resemble Disney characters.

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For example, every piece for these two outfits were bought from The Able Sisters shop. I honestly can’t wait to see what others seasonal outfits they’ll come out with!

Terraforming

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We now have the option to create as well as get rid of any cliffs or ponds or lakes we want to! That is seriously ground breaking!

This gives you the ability to COMPLETELY transform your island HOWEVER you want, WHENEVER you want! You can create more waterfalls or take away waterfalls. I’ve seen some pretty awesome terraforming with other peoples islands and though I’m not artsy like that, I’m definitely trying!

You’re also given a handful of different types of grounding and paths. Allowing you to create pathways or even streets if you wanted to! There’s also the option of custom flooring, like the one above.

Honorable Mention

AUTO SAVE.

Anyone else get paranoid about not saving a game because of that damn funky beaver who use to pop up next to your house AND YELL AT YOU FOR NOT SAVING YOUR GAME? Cause yah, same.

But in this game there’s a lot of times it autosaves and not just that but if you’re doing anything regarding going online it saves the game for you. Oh the little luxuries in life!

I’m having so much fun playing Animal Crossing and I’m borderline obsessed (as I always end up getting like over any Animal Crossing game)! My 22 year old heart is bursting with the fact that this installment has a legit community! I started a blog for my Animal Crossing WILD WORLD game back in 2006 to keep track of my progress with catching bugs and fish but there wasn’t a platform for it or for gaming blogs really in general back then! It’s crazy to see how technology changes things in a matter of years!

With that said I have an Animal Crossing Instagram as well as a Twitter. They’re also good places to find a lot of inspo and custom designs!

Are you playing Animal Crossing? What has been your favorite thing so far?

Weekly Animal Crossing Update (1)

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Okay call me obsessed, but! Back when I played Animal Crossing Wild World on the Nintendo DS back in 2006 I had an Animal Crossing blog — I don’t remember what it was called or what the URL is but I really wish I did!

I was so obsessed with the fact that you coulda catch and collect bugs, fossils and fish. Not only that but this owl who runs the museum you donate these things to tells you these really small cute facts about all of them! I played for years, almost daily, okay pretty much daily. And I maxed out my town. I even went out and bought a GameCube to play the first Animal Crossing game. When I say I was obsessed, I was o b s e s s e d.

When Animal Crossing New Leaf came out around 2013, I did the same thing. I  think I have ACWW with me here but I’m not sure. I do know FOR SURE that ACNL is in my DS.

I played Animal Crossing City Folk and that feels like it was  forever ago. I skipped Animal Crossing Happy Home Designer but I did get Animal Crossing Amiibo Festival which was really just a huge ass board game.

Then I told myself I wasn’t going to get a Nintendo Switch until they announced a new Animal Crossing game and when they did, I gave in and bought one.

Gaming is so different when you’re older and have a kid. I can’t just drop $60 in hopes to like a game like I use to. Now I take SO LONG wondering if I’ll like a game and if I’ll realistically commit the time it takes to play it and a million other things before actually BUYING a game. It sucks. I miss the more carefree days lol.

Continue reading “Weekly Animal Crossing Update (1)”

Now fall

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Final Fantasy XIV just announced Blue Mage.

I started playing Final Fantasy XI back in 2004; I knew what “Final Fantasy” was I just didn’t care much for it. I’ve played video games since Nintendo and Duck Hunt and I’ve always been attracted to the shorter Mario games or DDR or fighting games.

But RPG’s? Things that required me to invest time?

Nah.

I was dating a guy at the time who was heavy into all kinds of games. And I was one of those girlfriend’s who didn’t exactly complain when they’d spend 16hrs on a game but I just didn’t understand why either. So one day he shows this emote TaruTaru’s had on FFXI that was /panic and I fell in love! I thought it was the cutest thing ever!

My first character on a Final Fantasy MMO was a girl Taru named Ihiphop. I ended up so much more invested in the game I ended up signing up for my own account. I recreated her as Ihiiphop and a boy since my bf at the time only played female characters and you’re able to get married in game but it had to be a boy and a girl (FFXI didn’t support same sex marriage at the time). Over the span of about 8 years Ihiiphop did his White Mage thing until I decided I wanted to be a cat girl and so Cheshiire was created as a Monk.

I ended up quitting FFXI because life got busy and all my friends started quitting. Eight years is a pretty good run anyway.

I won’t lie, there are a lot of times I miss FFXI so much and my friends — I still keep in contact with some but I’ve lost touch with lots of others.

Continue reading “Now fall”

Happy 2 years~!

Two years ago I married my best friend in a different world.

I can’t believe it’s been two whole years since then! Time truly does fly when you’re having fun, I guess. Because it definitely doesn’t feel like two years. It feels like we just got married. But thinking of the span of time from this day to today and everything that has happened between is crazy.

I’m thankful for this moment. For this day. For the friends that were once family and though they’re not anymore I still keep these memories close to me. I’m thankful for the man by my side who did everything in his power to be there for me — a random girl he met on a video game states away and how he never left my side.

I definitely didn’t know what I was getting into when I decided to say yes to Sir Penny’puss.

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This boy with his smooth lines, sexy catboi and his sexy glamours who for the last two years since we became friends had made sure that I go to sleep every single night with a smile on my face. Who’s never taken his eyes or his attention off of me.

(Don’t worry, my hotbar doesn’t look like that anymore)

Continue reading “Happy 2 years~!”

June 21st, 2016 ~

Sometimes life throws up something so god awful you think you’ll never recover. And sometimes it’ll also throw you under the bus. And sometimes, just sometimes, it’ll throw you someone you were NOT at all even trying to look for.

A few days ago hit the 2 year anniversary of when I was forced to get an abortion. I admit that I had been over my ex lonnnnnnng before that. And I was in a very weird in between state of: okay how do I escape this awful situation I’m in and I never ever want to date anyone or have sex ever again for the rest of my damn life.

So when I felt well enough to jump back on FFXIV I was a bit annoyed my friend at the time was heavy set on me meeting a guy she thought I would love. I told her I wasn’t interested nor was I in the mood. I actually told my entire Free Company to stay away from me that day.

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I had spent the day fishing because fishing in FF MMO’s was always a way I had relaxed. And Costa del Sol was definitely a beautiful place to just try and get my mind off of things. It’s still one of my favorite places in the game.

I locked myself in my room and I tried to stay away from everyone.

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But apparently my friend manged to catch me in the crafting room while I was looking for fishing bait and brought the boys — including the one she was trying to introduce me to — with her. I only knew Xer (the one in all black) who was “her guy”. I figured the one she was trying to have me meet was Sir Penny’puss (the one who is IRONICALLY matching me). I didn’t know who Naha was at the time and I think there was one other guy there but he had left before I snapped this picture.

I was purposely targeted on Naha because I felt so awkward there. Penny had came up to me and hit me with a macro and I had never seen someone compile a macro just as something fun to do. Most of the time people just do macro’s as an easier way to cast a spell or raise people so to see him put together this really fun macro was interesting.

Right when he was done they all stood around me and hit me with the /joy emote which is one of my favorite boy cat emotes. Then they randomly ported away. My friend told me to chill with them in Limsa but I was still feeling a bit low so I decided to log off instead.

I didn’t have a very big opinion on Penny when I first met him — I was surprised he was wearing a straw hat and that his outfit damn near matched mine. And I thought he had a lot of energy. That last bit is still true to this day, two years later.

I remember not really knowing what to make of him or if I was interested in him since I didn’t know him. But I ended up adding him on Facebook a few days later. And I started a poke war with him. That turned into very early morning conversations that went on all day long for weeks.

On the 23rd he started throwing out smooth lines to me:

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I went afk for a bit to fold laundry and I came back to Penny sitting right in front of me staring at me. In a top hat. He didn’t know it at the time, I’m sure, but top hats are a weakness.

Me: I’d fold my clothes happily if I came back to this all the time.
Penny: If I’m around I’ll always do this.

And eventually on June 24th this happened:

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I asked him if he had a mat I needed for a top I wanted to craft and he did happen to have it, I was particularly new to this game so I didn’t know much about how things worked or how to obtain them. So he met up with me when he got on after work and gave me the mat I needed.

He then decided to keep me company while I fished and between pony farming with his Free Company.

Again, we’re kinda matching.

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I talk about this particular photo a lot.

I don’t really know why but it’s still one of my favorite /gpose catches. I don’t remember what we were doing or why we were even throwing emotes at each other and I still to this day have trouble getting Axelyn to face Penny when I’m doing /gpose. But the one time it actually worked, the photo turned out to be one of my favorites.

It’s hard for me to figure out what day I should write/post this post. Simply because we met on the 21st. Well we “met”. We hung out together for the first time on the 24th and we started dating on the 30th. Or well that’s when we had our “first date”. We don’t really have a legit anniversary date so we just picked that one.

~*~

Sometimes life throws things at us that we’re not looking for. Or things we feel like we’re not ready for. But I’ve never been one to let a chance that may change my life slip by.

I can’t believe it’s been 2 years already, it definitely doesn’t feel like it’s been that long. The time has just zipped on by!