It would had been her due date…

It’s hard to believe that nine months have flown by that fast — though I guess if I were still pregnant it would had felt like forever, especially now.

Technically her due date was estimated on the 22nd, the day after Penny & Axelyn’s 2nd wedding anniversary. How cool would that had been?! For their first anniversary I moved down to Texas and for their second we coulda had a baby. Okay, it’s a little sped up but you get what I’m saying.

Also I didn’t want to back log this post because… I just didn’t. Though if I had written this on the 22nd I would had been a blubbery mess of emotions like I had been when I wrote a very brief Facebook post.

Today would had been her due date…

I think the part that sort of sucks the most was that we lost the baby 3 days before her first appt and before her ultrasound; but at the same time I truly believe that it was for the better.

Would I had wanted to know the baby wasn’t going to make it on Christmas Eve? Or would I had been better off not knowing and enjoying Christmas as much as I could before we figured out something was wrong?

I watched a video earlier where someone had said; “there’s no reason to be bitter, these people aren’t taking anything away from you by sharing their news.” there’s something like sadness and a bit of jealousy seeing everyone who announced their pregnancy around the time I should had and are now posting pics of their healthy babies while mine isn’t here anymore. But there’s also a pain in remembering the entire time I was heavily bleeding in the middle of the night and going through painful contractions the only reason I was crying was because I knew my baby was dead.

I don’t have anything positive to really say about this, and I don’t like writing negative posts but I’m sure anyone who’s miscarried probably has felt the same way I feel right now.

It was suppose to be your due date.

My mind just stops there, abruptly.

I’m sad we never got to meet you. Or even see you. Your daddy loved you so much from the moment I told him you were here. And I miss you, all the time.

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