I’m failing so hard on Blogmas this year but it’s cool. It’s fine. This is fine.
I’ve never done a WP Daily Prompt but this one caught my attention.
A year ago my life was a little different. I was mostly angry and resentful. I hated where I was, I hated my marriage, I hated everything. It didn’t help that 2021 sucked. I lost my Sophie the same week we got COVID. Oh, and I got COVID. After trying so hard to not. But this is Texas, everyone here is going to get it at some point.
My life today is not how I pictured it a year ago and it’s crazy to see how much can happen and change in just one year. I didn’t think I’d be pregnant again; I had planned on never getting pregnant again. This is my 4th pregnancy, but I only gave birth once, so yah, do the math lol. I didn’t think I’d ever know what it would be like to be with my literal childhood crush/best friend. So that alone was… interesting. It was a relationship full of fancy restaurants, where money wasn’t a limitation, and I could have anything I wanted. It was kind of unreal.
I learned a lot in that experience alone… and was reminded of how dark things can change a person. He was always there to help pull me out of my dark growing up but I couldn’t pull him out of his or what was happening. I learned that I don’t have the time or tolerance to teach someone how to love me — despite knowing someone your whole life they can still not know you or not know how to love you. And that’s totally okay. Not everyone is meant for everyone.
I learned a bit about family and how disappointing that can all be. How much I wish my dad were still around. That sometimes parents know they SHOULD do better but that doesn’t mean they WILL do better. I learned my daughter loves me as I am, that everything else doesn’t matter. As long as she still gets mommy cuddles and kisses. Seeing things through a toddler’s eyes is amazing to witness.
I’m both curious and worried to see what the next year will bring.