Monday Mindful Manifestation
I tend to forget I control my life. No one else does and no one else has the right to.
That just because I’m not happy with where I am, doesn’t mean it’ll be like this forever and to work for the life I want. I told myself that I wouldn’t let someone else stop me from doing the things I want anymore and I really need to remind myself of that this week.
I’m capable of anything and I need to stop selling myself short!
My 3 Must Watch Spoopy Movies
Sorry ya’ll, I’m not a horror junkie. I hate scary shit. I hate being scared, I get ridiculously pissed off when I’m scared.
I do however love gothic fantasy. Paranormal elements. Things like that, as long as it’s like… you know… not creepy. There’s such a fine line when it comes to that. So here’s my safe seasonal movies lol! I really thought I had more but I don’t. I’m not a huge Hocus Pocus fan so that’s why that’s not on my list.
| The Nightmare Before Christmas
This is a must. But it’s also a must year round. I usually start playing the intro song around the time I start prepping for Halloween. Which is usually in July. I love that this movie can apply to both Halloween AND Christmas. My favorite scene has to be the intro when he’s The Pumpkin King. I wish that got a bit more screen time!
| Return to Oz
Okay I guess this one is seriously up for debate on if it’s spoopy or fuckin creepy af. Lucky for me, I grew up watching this movie and I still watch it — it’s my “bad day” movie. I have a lot of very sentimental memories with this movie and my Lolo (grandpa). Doesn’t help that maybe Mombi and The Wheelers are my fav. Next to TikTok.
I do hear that this movie CAN be terrifying and I guess I can see why. It’s like a darker Wizard of Oz. The Gnome King really freakin annoys me though. Like, the audacity of this guy. I have so many favorite parts of this movie I don’t even know where to begin! As a kid I always thought the Lunchbox Tree was cool. Like if that was a real thing. Wish they had went a bit more into who Mombi and Ozma were.
I grew up watching this one. Ironically it wasn’t the witches that scared me. Or his weird sketch grandma. It was the girl who grows old in the painting. Even as an adult that part still sends goosebumps up my arm. But like I said, I grew up watching this so I have some fond memories of catching this one live on TV! Lowkey miss when there was a certain time certain things came on.
To be fair the acting in this one isn’t top notch and there’s a lot of things that don’t make sense. Like weren’t they children once? But whatever, I guess.
So that’s my very short list of my top 3 spoopy movies!
What are some of your non scary Halloween movies?
Fall Bucket List
I’m gonna go ahead and say that this is gonna cover half of November as well. With my seasonal late ass.
| Visit a Pumpkin Patch
This has been on my Fall Bucket List forever. Some day I’ll actually go to one. You’d think there were a ton in Texas, but for some reason there really aren’t that many in my area.
| Eat Disney Fall Snacks
I’m celebrating Halloween at Disney this year and I’m SO EXCITED. It’s been years since I last have and I CAN NOT WAIT. I already have a food wish list lol. Disney snacks are obvi my fav but Fall snacks even more. I’m so glad most of them aren’t exclusive to the Halloween party anymore!
| Do a Fall Photo Shoot
This sort of ties in with visit a Pumpkin Patch. There aren’t many places around me to take Fall photos; I may just have to do one while I’m at Disney instead! But I’ve always wanted to do one of those cliché Fall photo shoot’s people do! I’m still salty I didn’t get to take maternity photos like I wanted to! I’ve resolved that if I want to do something, I’m gonna have to do it and I’m responsible for making sure it happens.
| Bake Something Fall Themed
This is one that’s been on my list for a while now! I finally have a Kitchen Aid so I don’t see why this can’t be done this year. And I’m not talking cupcakes or cake or anything. I want to do something like Fall themed bread or a pie… something warm, cozy and comforting spices!
| Paint a Halloween Light
They have these at Michael’s where you pick a blank object to paint and it’s actually a table light! I don’t think Tums is old enough to do this one just yet, but I really want to start doing this myself. I don’t have many Fall/Halloween traditions, so I think this would be fun.
| Make Caramel Apples
I keep buying things to MAKE caramel apples but I end up eating all the supplies. I LOVE caramel apples, especially the ones from Disney. I use to work at Candy Cauldron so I know HOW to make Disney caramel apples lol. I just need to stop eating everything before getting there. And I need to find the right kind of caramel!
| Read Spooky Books
My Halloween Reading Challenge falls into this one! But I tend to set aside most spooky books for October!
| Decorate for Fall
I usually start this one in July, I live in places where it doesn’t get cold until December so it doesn’t really matter how early I start. However this year I haven’t even started yet. I just haven’t been in the Fall mood for some reason this year. Granted most Fall seasons in TX haven’t really been that great and have sort of been taken away from me. But I plan to decorate for Fall/Thanksgiving pretty soon.
| Light all the Fall scented candles
This one’s a given but still deserved to be on this list. Thankfully I haven’t gone crazy on the Fall scented candles or wax melts this year!
What are some things on your Fall Bucket List?
Friday Blogtober Finds
This week has been weird. I’ve been without Sage for almost two weeks now. I ordered some from the Etsy store I usually get them from but for some reason they haven’t shipped yet. So that bit of my nightly routine has been missing and I’m super feeling it at this point. A super good friend of mine has been struggling with a nonstop migraine for almost 3 weeks now and I’m worried as hell. I wish there was a way I could help her. Through it all she’s still managed to be warm and sarcastic as always. I’m sending you so many good vibes Kay.
I’ve also been planning Christmas gifts for people in my life since I don’t want to be caught doing alla that last minute like I have been the last few years. Since we assume Tums is going to get a crap ton of toys from her grandparents on her dad’s side I’m trying to think of toys that will spark her imagination or books. But I’m seriously considering getting her a camera; she’s been fussing with my dSLR the last week. Including right now. As I type this.
I’m horrible at unpacking, seriously. Idk if it’s an OCD thing or what but just know, I’m absolutely horrible at unpacking! I still have to set up Tum’s side of the room and finish unpacking clothes and other things. Not much I can do about books right now until I settle on bookshelves. As well as a real computer chair so I can start filming book videos again. At least, I’m hoping to!
I’ve also got a ton of fun projects I’m excited to start on. Whenever I get done unpacking, cleaning and setting this place up. I’m aiming for before Thanksgiving.
I’ve been bookmarking things on MSN and Food52 like crazy without realizing just HOW CLOSE TO HALLOWEEN we already are. Where the heck did October go?! Moving in the beginning of the Fall season really throws my end-of-the-year routines off! I mean should I just put away the Fall decor now and start setting up for Christmas?! That being said I have a few links to share that’ll hopefully help you get in the Halloween mood; if you’re like me and it hasn’t exactly hit you yet.
Fall to me is cold dark rainy days, bowls of hot soup, fuzzy socks, pumpkin scents and movie marathons.
I’m sharing mostly food posts but hey, Halloween is also about food so there’s that;Continue reading “Friday Blogtober Finds”
October Reading Challenge 2020
This post is sooo late, I know.
This post contains affiliate links used to support this blog, my daughters snack problem and coffee for one tired mama.
October is such a weird month for me this year; I’m trying to get back into the swing of the things I usually do since my meds allow me to think more clearly and more for myself. But with that I’m so overwhelmed with how much I’ve missed through out the last few years.
Healing is a journey, not a destination.
Something I try to remind myself whenever I feel myself “disappointed” with my lack of progress. But I’m starting to rebuild things, retry things and reapply for things. One being something that’s always been super important to me, my October Reading Challenge.
And tbh, writing this is a challenge all on it’s own with the baby trying to get on my lap then off my lap then on… CHILD I’M WRITING lol. My ORC has always been important to me because it’s the one month of the year I force myself to read all my “scarier” books. I’m such a wuss and anxiety/intrusive thoughts literally don’t make it any better but I LOVE reading scary/suspenseful books! I always have! I grew up reading Fear Street ONLY. And of alllll the books in that 90’s series, there was only one scary part I remember. It was one of the cheerleader series books; some cheerleaders sister was taking a shower and a ghost or whatever had turned her shower water too hot and killed her. As an adult now I have so many questions at how that was possible. But as a kid, I was freaked out lol.
I’ve found my favorite reads through this challenge over the years including Unspoken by Sarah Rees Brennan, Hex Hall by Rachel Hawkins, and Some Quiet Place by Kelsey Sutton and a ton of books I thought would be scary but I completely enjoyed like Amber House or The Ghost House or Vines.
October Reading Challenge 2020;Continue reading “October Reading Challenge 2020”
OCD & Me
I use to have a blog on Xanga called “OCD & Me” and when I was trying to navigate through this insane world that was my new normal; I’d write in there. A lot of it had to do with how my OCD bumped heads with my dad’s. But I wish that blog was still around.
It started when my ex brother in law stepped on the bed I had just took a nap on with his shoes on, not just that but he stepped all over the pillow with his shoes on. My ex brother in law had zero respect for anything or anyone for that matter so this wasn’t like, some off the way action but to witness it on a pillow you just slept on? Yeah, fuckin gross. That was the first night I went home and took a shower before I got in my own bed. And from there it just snowballed.
In 2004 there wasn’t much info on OCD, at all. There wasn’t much my therapist could tell me when I finally got help 2 years later either. The theory was that it could had been caused by a traumatic event; I had just gotten out of a fuckin crazy abusive relationship without actually facing/healing from it because I just didn’t know how so it made sense in a way. Small things started to bother me. The idea that something was “dirty” was becoming stronger and harder to make sense of.
I honestly thought OCD and people who crazy cleaned and saw things were drug addicts so I was so sure I wasn’t going through that. I was a 90’s kid, ok? All that DARE shit had people doing that shit which is really unfair. I spent hours and days researching as much as I could about what was happening to me because I literally had no idea what was going on. I don’t know why I didn’t just ask my mom who was a psych tech nurse. My ex husband (who was my bf at the time) will tell you that “if she had never looked it up it would had never been as bad as it got.” he would tell me that finding the things I did about it “solidified” that it was “a real thing”.
If there’s one solid thing my OCD has done for me it’s show how people really think and feel about you because of something you have zero control over. Which is crazy; people are so understanding about Cancer which can also go unseen but mental illness? Nah, they think that shit isn’t real or serious. I don’t get it but it’s a never ending fuckin pattern in my life.Continue reading “OCD & Me”
Gaming | Animal Crossing; Fall Edition
I completely missed out n the summer events. I’m not entirely sure why. I just didn’t feel like getting on for some reason. I think I was burned out from trying to make the perfect island and was frustrated with all my results.
I stumbled on a AC Twitter post on my feed a few weeks ago talking about the Fall update and how you can deck your island out with all this cute spooky pumpkin shit. And if there’s anything I’m obsessed with other than Fall it’s pumpkins and scarecrows. So I jumped back on and started planting pumpkins.
Now I want to keep my island in October FOREVER!
And yes, that rotten turnip has been there for months. The ants are my friends! Speaking of, I finally caught a dang house fly. You’d think that one would had been easy but no it took FOREVER to get them and only one showed up!
The Nooklings sell the Spooky Arch as well as the Lanterns with the hay but you can also craft them! So far it’s been a hit or miss with my villagers who are crafting if they’re crafting a Spooky item or another dang Cardboard Bed or some shit. I’m sure you can get them through balloons as well but I keep getting clothing and bells. Go figure.
Made a few changes to my house. Finally found a pathway I’m happy with for one. And I got the Spooky Scarecrow! If there’s one thing I love about Halloween besides the pumpkins and lights it’s definitely scarecrows! Enough that I love dressing up as one! I want to put more stuff that lights up without making the yard look cluttered but I don’t know what else to add!
I’m still waiting for the witchy dress to show up in my shop but I did get the hat! And of course my impatient ass keeps time traveling to find items and DIY’s.
I managed to catch a new Shrimp but I have yet to catch the Lobster and the Mermaid’s Purse. Diving was one of my favorite things about Animal Crossing New Leaf! I just hate how you can’t empty your pockets/let sea creatures go while in the ocean.
If you play ACNH how many pumpkin patches do you have on your island right now?
It’s OCD Awareness Week
And ya’ll bout to be SICK of me by the time I’m done writing about OCD. I’ll try to be as transparent as I can be; but some of the things that happened when OCD started to creep into my life are things I haven’t fully faced yet. And from seeing signs of OCD when I was 19 to finally seeking help at 21 to 8 years of therapy just to accept meds at 29 to today is a lonnnng ride.
I guess I should start with the basics.
What is OCD?
OCD or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is what it says it is. It’s an anxiety disorder that makes the person do things compulsively. They either do it because they think “something bad will happen if they don’t” or because they’re just compelled to. Your mind goes into this never ending loop. But OCD is not just “being clean/constantly cleaning” there’s a bunch of different types of OCD and they change and flow constantly.
I suffer from germaphobia and intrusive thoughts as well as hoarding. My dad struggled with certain types of paranoia and hardcore checking. He would often get up from sleeping just to unlock the front door, open it and lock it again. And make sure he locked it. He would do the same with lights. It drove me fuckin madd. But my OCD tendencies would drive him crazy and he refused to believe either of us had OCD. It was so freakin weird. My mom doesn’t have cleaning the way I do, but she does have “cleaning”. And she definitely has hoarding. Like something freakin fierce.
Credit to OCDdoodles on Twitter
According to Google OCD is described as;
Obsessive–compulsive disorder (OCD) is a mental disorder in which a person feels the need to perform certain routines repeatedly (called “compulsions“), or has certain thoughts repeatedly (called “obsessions“), to an extent which generates distress or impairs general functioning.
There are 5 types of OCD:
- Symmetry & Ordering
- Intrusive Thoughts
The worst part is, one person can have one of these types or all five. These types can change and drop and pick up. But usually there’s one steady type that stays the same. The scariest thing to know is that while this illness can be “treated” it can’t be cured. People can work through their OCD with a lot of hard work, anxiety attacks and self control. But this condition can’t be cured by drugs. And even on medication, it’s not completely gone, just easier to manage.
The difference between OCD and “just wanting to be clean or organized” is that those with OCD sometimes do their compulsions without even knowing it. There have been many times where I’ve done or said something OCD before even thinking of saying/doing it. It’s something that is on my mind 24/7. There are times your OCD will tell you you didn’t clean or do something “well enough” or that because of your OCD you’re a burden to everyone around you. And then there are times you get hit with random anxiety attacks and sometimes it just feels like way too much.
I’ll admit that the majority of my suicidal moments in the last 10 years have to do with OCD and the things it tells me.
And that feeds into my anxiety which feeds into my OCD and it’s this never ending fuckin cycle. And if you don’t know how to cope you’re in for a whirlwind of very intense emotions that can last anywhere from minutes to hours. When my anxiety attacks started it usually ended with me crying. Now a days I HAVE to go to sleep because I’m just so spent. So I do whatever I can to stay away from triggers and to prevent anything from “messing up”.
I’m going to try and spend this week talking about my experience, the ways I’ve learned to cope and all the things I’ve lost since being diagnosed with OCD. And I’m hope by the end of the week you’ll have a better understanding of what it all is.
Whew, I can feel the migraines now lol.
It’s Monday, What Are You Reading?
This post includes affiliate links.
I know I said I was going to start book blogging on Readarella again; but I didn’t really have a MMM topic to think about this week. And I’m feeling super behind on my October TBR (which I still haven’t even finished that blog post yet either) so I figured this would push me to read more this week. My October Challenge is what usually introduces me to my next favorite book or series and after the last few years lacking in reading I’m really hoping this year I can try to build it all back up.
My TBR is never ending as it is, so why did I rejoin NetGalley and request books for review? Cause I’m clearly on some bullshit lol. Maybe running from demons I can’t identify at the moment. A sure way to tell is compulsive shopping or taking on another 5 projects.
But I also seem to always push myself the hardest in Fall/October. And without being able to decorate for Fall how I want to because of the move and replacing things I guess I decided to just jump into more projects.
That’s anxiety for you; half the time you don’t know what the hell you’re doing, your soul is just doing its own thing and you’re like “oh ok, I guess this is what we’re doing this week,”