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Blogmas ’22 | WordPress Daily Prompt

December 20, 2022December 20, 2022by Hazel Vee1 Comment

Is your life today what you pictured a year ago?

I’m failing so hard on Blogmas this year but it’s cool. It’s fine. This is fine.

I’ve never done a WP Daily Prompt but this one caught my attention.

A year ago my life was a little different. I was mostly angry and resentful. I hated where I was, I hated my marriage, I hated everything. It didn’t help that 2021 sucked. I lost my Sophie the same week we got COVID. Oh, and I got COVID. After trying so hard to not. But this is Texas, everyone here is going to get it at some point.

My life today is not how I pictured it a year ago and it’s crazy to see how much can happen and change in just one year. I didn’t think I’d be pregnant again; I had planned on never getting pregnant again. This is my 4th pregnancy, but I only gave birth once, so yah, do the math lol. I didn’t think I’d ever know what it would be like to be with my literal childhood crush/best friend. So that alone was… interesting. It was a relationship full of fancy restaurants, where money wasn’t a limitation, and I could have anything I wanted. It was kind of unreal.

I learned a lot in that experience alone… and was reminded of how dark things can change a person. He was always there to help pull me out of my dark growing up but I couldn’t pull him out of his or what was happening. I learned that I don’t have the time or tolerance to teach someone how to love me — despite knowing someone your whole life they can still not know you or not know how to love you. And that’s totally okay. Not everyone is meant for everyone.

I learned a bit about family and how disappointing that can all be. How much I wish my dad were still around. That sometimes parents know they SHOULD do better but that doesn’t mean they WILL do better. I learned my daughter loves me as I am, that everything else doesn’t matter. As long as she still gets mommy cuddles and kisses. Seeing things through a toddler’s eyes is amazing to witness.

I’m both curious and worried to see what the next year will bring.

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Blogmas ’22 | The Christmas Questions Tag

December 19, 2022December 19, 2022by Hazel Vee1 Comment

I got this from Deandra over at The Black Princess Diaries! If you haven’t heard of her, I suggest you check out her blog. She has a ton of fun lifestyle posts!

What’s your favorite Christmas movie?

Serendipity is my go-to for the holiday/Winter season. But A Christmas Story is my go-to for Thanksgiving. I don’t typically watch it any other time for some reason… I should probably change that. But it was a tradition for me and my brother to load up our plates and watch it all day on Thanksgiving growing up since we were usually home alone… and high.

Have you ever had a white Christmas?

I actually never touched snow until a year after Tums was born and it snowed here in Texas. It was a random day in January, then it snowed all day again on Valentine’s Day. You’re so close from a white Christmas Texas… yet so so far.

Where do you usually spend your holiday?

At home. Like in my own apartment. Preferably by myself lol. I’m not big on holidays or being around family really. Part of why I moved states away lol. The kiddo and her dad usually go spend the day with his family and we open gifts on Christmas Eve. Butttt that’s about the extent of my Christmas-ness.

What is your favorite Christmas song?

It’s between Mistletoe by Justin Bieber and This Christmas by Chris Brown.

And the music video that made me fall in love with Justin Bieber; All I Want For Christmas is You.

Do you open any presents on Christmas Eve?

Yup! And all the way up to King’s Day.

Can you name all of Santa’s reindeer?

I just went through a mental list and… that’s a no.

What holiday traditions are you looking forward to this year?

I’m currently sick + pregnant so my bloated ass isn’t trying to go outside in this cold lol. I did want to take Tums to see some light events around our area I’ve always wanted to do… we do plan on taking her to Sea World also, so hopefully we’ll all feel better by then to actually go do that.

Is your Christmas tree real or fake?

FAAAAKE! I did a real tree once and hated it! It didn’t even smell as strong as I thought it would and required maintenance. Then when it died.. holy dead needles. Never tf again.

What is your favorite holiday food/snack?

I’m not sure… it used to be Peppermint Bark but honestly I think I’ve only had 1 or 2 Peppermint Mocha’s this year. The Sugar Plum Cheese danish from Starbucks is pretty good oh and the Cranberry Bliss Bar! Non Starbucks snacks though? Other than my Hickory Farms favs I don’t really have one lol.

Be honest, do you like giving or receiving gifts better?

Receiving. I’m not gonna lie. Plus I think I suck at gift giving when aiming with a deadline. I’m better at seeing things in stores randomly and thinking “oh so and so would like this!”

What is the best Christmas present you ever received?

I’m gonna go with my Apple Pencil and my KitchenAid even though I’ve only used it once. I’ve wanted one forever.

What is your dream place to visit for the holiday season?

Disney World, duh. Or Disneyland since they have The Nightmare Before Christmas Haunted Mansion!

Are you a pro present wrapper?

Not really. Some things are way easier to wrap than others. And if I give up, in a gift bag you alllllllllllllllllllllll go.

Most memorable Christmas memory?

That one time in 2013 I completely cancelled Christmas because my husband at the time was a fuckin asshole. Okay maybe going to Disneyland for Christmas for the first (and only) time when I was 21. And maybe the Christmas before Tums was born. That was probably the best tree and best Christmas theme/aesthetic we had.

What made you realize the truth about Santa?

This one time I wanted marbles for Christmas. Like literally the only thing I wanted. I was probably 6 or 7? My mom kept saying she “talked to Santa and he said he didn’t have any”. I think she was scared I’d choke on them or something stupid. But my overthinking ass figured out Santa wasn’t real after that lol.

What makes the holidays special for you?

The fact I get to celebrate Christmas Day alllllooonneee doing nothinnnnnggg if I want to and eat ice cream and watch movies I grew up with all day.

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Hello December + Blogmas!

December 1, 2022December 3, 2022by Hazel VeeLeave a Comment

And just like that, it’s already December.

Happy Blogmas to those of you who plan on doing it this year. I’m still undecided if I am or not. I’m just really hoping this post goes up on the first tbh lol. Not sure if I’ll have the time to invest in keeping up with Blogmas since it somehow slipped my mind that December was even coming up; pregnancy brain. It’s real and it sucks.

I don’t want to over goal myself (there’s a word for this, I just can’t think of it at the moment) this month. Especially since I’m late on putting up my Christmas tree and the rest of the apartment decor. I don’t know how time just moved so fast past me.

| Put up the Christmas Tree

I usually have this up by October. This year that didn’t happen. October was a pretty emotionally draining month for me and a bit of November as well. Christmas was the last thing on my mind honestly. Despite knowing it would cheer me up a bit… I still didn’t feel too invested in it. Now it’s December and I feel like I’m late to my own important date. I’m hoping to get the tree up at least before the weekend is over! Unfortunately it’s not as well thought out or going to be as decorated as the previous tree’s we’ve had but this year itself has just been… weird.

| Christmasfy the apartment

Same thing along the lines with the tree thing; I need to update the fairy lights in my room as well as put down the fairy lights and garland by the TV (and someday upgrade that TV cause having a non smart TV is not the move).

| Bake something

I’ve had my kitchen aid for a year now and I’ve only baked one thing. Like?? Not cool. Plus I’ve always wanted to get in the holiday spirit by baking.

| Watch Christmas movies

I use to make it a point to watch a certain amount of Christmas movies… and I have a few that I watch every year. I think I skipped this tradition last year so I wanna make up for it this year.

| Go to 1 Christmas event

I hate the cold. And it doesn’t help that it’s started snowing here in TX in the winter. I’ve always wanted to do Enchantment or the Gaylord stuff but always decided against it since it’s just too cold for my liking.

Tums is old enough to remember/retain things now so maybe I should suck it up and go to something this year.

| Tidy for the New Year

I say this every December. And I always have high hopes I’ll really do it this time. Truthfully I get overwhelmed with how much stuff I do have.

I really want to minimize the stuff I do have… or have homes for them instead of just piling stuff up on a bookshelf or something…

Plus after all the fuckery of 2022, I want to go into 2023 at least with a tidy home.

| Read 3 books

My TBR has been suffering this year with all things considered… I’m def not going to hit my goal of 25 books read but I at least want to get through some of these books. I’ll try to do better next year… maybe lower my goal.

I’m sure I’m missing something important but I’ll get mad at myself when I remember lol.

What are your goals for December?

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Brain Dump | Back On This BS

June 29, 2022June 29, 2022by Hazel VeeLeave a Comment

I had every intention to write an actual blog post the next time I updated but for some reason I just couldn’t finish any of the blog posts I’d start. I kept censoring myself because ironically in 2022 I learned the luxury of privacy and I’m actual kind of… enjoying it.

I’ve always been a transparent open book; you can’t start rumors or shit talk me because everything you could possibly say is already written in a blog somewhere publicly for anyone to read. It doesn’t stop people from trying though. But those who know me, at all, know that if it were really worth something listening to *I* would had already said something before anyone else and anything outside of that is a rumor and a lie.

My first ex husband and I had a rule: don’t ask, don’t tell.

We were entitled to our privacy and our choice if there was something we really didn’t feel like talking about right then and there. And for a good decade, it worked out really well for us. It taught me however to avoid the truth. I don’t like to lie, ever. And I don’t lie about anything significant. I use to lie a lot growing up and do you know how draining it is to remember lies? I can’t be bothered now as an adult to remember shit like that so I just don’t lie. Plus, again, I’m an open book. What do you want to know? I’ll be happy to tell you. Own who you are. Own your mistakes. Your demons. Your trauma. Cause if you do, that’s a power no one can take from you.

There are a lot of things happening in my life right now that I can not wait to talk about when I finally can/want to. I’ve been reminded just how solid and how loyal my support system is. I have been reminded how much my family cares about me despite “not being close”. They are loyal. They are hands down ride or die’s and they would, no matter how long time has passed, always have my back with whatever I need. No questions, no judgment and no record keeping.

I’m reminded of how much my bff loves me. He’s always been really compassionate and protective over me. And it’s crazy that twenty two years later he’s still just as protective. Just as willing to do whatever he can to make sure I’m okay and taken care of. I don’t know what I did to deserve a friendship like this, but I am beyond thankful for it. I’m mid key thankful he saved my life as kids lol; sometimes I wonder why I even listened to his pleas to make me put the pills down. To get me to go to church. To convince me to keep holding on. I’m truly lucky to have so many people care so much about me. That distance doesn’t matter, I’m never alone. To have people blow up my phone just to make sure I took my meds, I ate today, I filled orders.

My whole gaming set up has been upgraded. The whole thing. The downside is I’m realizing my PC doesn’t have USB 3.0 so I can’t get my capture card to register. So no Nintendo streams until I fix that. But I have been streaming again and I actually streamed a new demo game that I’m pretty excited about. I do need to figure something out about the lighting in my office cause with the webcam it’s not the best. It kind of annoys me. And I need to find speakers because despite having a gaming monitor, it does not have speakers. Make it make sense. I’m planning a relaunch for my shop in August by my one year anniversary. I can’t believe it’s almost been a year!

I need to start getting to work! Hope you are all doing well!

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Life Update | Oh hi, I miss you

August 4, 2021August 9, 2021by Hazel Vee4 Comments

Since prepping and launching my Etsy store, my blogs and most of my social media have kind of.. been pushed to the side. Not on purpose, it just sort of happened.

I did finally launch my Etsy shop, which I’m very excited about. What started off as a Disney creative outlet turned into a Filipino inspired one instead. I do have a bunch of Fall ideas that are Disney/non Filipino themed, but it’s just crazy how that sort of happened. I’ve been playing with a bunch of sticker paper and I even gave in and bought a full sized Cricut because the Joy was pissing me off. So now I’m on the search for my favorite type of paper and finding the right lament… and holographic paper. It’s a lot lol. Ironically the tee’s are way easier to design/produce. There isn’t much there to search for lol.

I got to see Wicked for the 15th time last night as an anniversary gift from Bub. In all the 14 times I’ve seen Wicked no one else has bought my (or the person coming with me) tickets. So it was kind of nice to have him buy my tickets but I also felt super bad. We did have floor seats and I’m glad he enjoyed the musical. The Glinda on tour is my favorite. She’s so extra and bubbly and cute. I loved her performance! Tums didn’t come with us, but we bought her a Wicked plushie lol. We had to. We’re those parents. She loves him though, so that’s all that matters.

Literally all of July in my camera roll is shirts and stickers I’ve been designing, inspo shots and like the random Target trip lol.

I am however SO ready for Fall!

How have all of you been? I miss being here!

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Word Vomit | “You just fold in the cheese”

June 10, 2021June 11, 2021by Hazel VeeLeave a Comment

I couldn’t think of another title and that scene has been living rent free in my head for weeks. A lot has been going on here, mostly stuff I don’t talk about cause I don’t know how while still being “a blogger”. As much as I love how blogging has evolved over the years… I also hate it. I’m sure I’ve talked about this before.

Home Stuff

I’m a clutter bug. I think it’s part of my OCD — to hoard things sometimes. I get it from my mama. No, foreal. But I try really hard to be as bad as she is. But I remember having stock piles when I still lived at home because I didn’t want to run out of something, esp if it was my favorite something. I let that habit go when I did the DCP because it was hard to get to the store and it was hard to keep up a stock pile and the apartments were so small. And this did tug at my soul a bit because of just how hard things were. But, I survived. I didn’t start trying to stock pile things again until the pandemic happened and everyone was buying out the disinfectant wipes — I literally can’t go a day without them. My OCD won’t let me.

Having a toddler also makes things look more… cluttered. And she cycles through toys so often that it gets overwhelming so this past weekend I finally went and got bookshelves so I can unpack my boxes of books. As well as tidy the shelves in the office and the closet. I’m still working on things but the space feels so much lighter already. I unhauled a ton of books that I need to go sell. I’m still a loss on what to do with her toys. She has this big bin for all the small stuff, and you’d think clean up would be easy. Just throw everything in. But some things she doesn’t want in there. she gets super particular which is fine, I can relate. I switched her play tent to face the other way and she about flipped tf out. She was crying and refused to come in her room. And that’s when I learned my daughter is a creature of habit, like I am.

I also ordered a bunch of candles I don’t need but wanted. I’m usually mostly drawn to Bath & Body Works candles but lately it seems like their prices have gone up while their quality has gone down. I’m finding that not even half way through the burn they’re already losing their scent/throw. So I bought some candles from DW Home since they released this years summer scents as well as some from Goose Creek. I also got Zeep Bath wax melts like I do every summer. Their stuff is some of my fav! I usually post about candle stuff on hazearella. If you’re into that stuff. I have the DW Home Salted Caramel Latte candle (that looks like an actual coffee cup) on my desk right now and it’s so strong lol. But I’m excited about the progress of purging things and sorting things.

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Hello May

May 1, 2021April 29, 2021by Hazel Vee4 Comments

How is it we’re almost half way through 2021? How did that happen so fast? I know I missed one of these for April, there was just so much going on that I didn’t want to make myself a list of things I wanted to get done in case it didn’t happen. And I’m glad cause after our trip to Disney I was pretty much what felt like — but I’m sure couldn’t be — jetlagged for weeks. I felt like my head was stuffed with cotton and the only other time I felt like that was when I first flew to Florida from California in 2011.

I feel much better now and I’m ready to get back to work with writing ALL THE THINGS… or all the things Tums will let me. She’s moved on to waking up in her sleep when I’m trying to blog at night so, we’ll see how writing all the things goes.

I can’t think of anything major on our calendar for May besides you know… medical follow ups. Not sure if Tums is due for shots again or not, they haven’t notified us. But I find that her new PCP usually doesn’t.

With that said, I’m hoping to get back into writing again and reading some more. My NetGalley TBR needs help. And so does my actual physical TBR; I’m finding in 2021 my favorite genre’s are switching from fantasy to historical fiction. From YA to middle grade. I just haven’t been in the mood for a romance heavy series/read lately. But I’m finding as much as I love fantasy everything I haven’t really been reaching for fantasy titles. I’m even struggling with retellings which is insane. Is this a thing that just happens? Man, the more and more I feel like I don’t even know myself anymore.

Here’s a few things I want to get to in May;

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Rebrand for 2021

January 13, 2021January 13, 2021by Hazel Vee4 Comments

If you haven’t noticed I changed the blog name; I’ve been wanting to for about a year now ever since my husband’s sisters stalked my Twitter. I’ve changed the name a few times but I honestly couldn’t think of something to settle into.

I know I wanted to convert this space to the two things that mean the world to me: Disney and words.

I somehow fell back into book blogging and I forgot how much I truly missed it. It always feels like being part of something bigger than yourself. Having all these worlds to fall into and live in for 300 pages at your fingertips. And ironically I’m finding that a subject I’ve always wanted to get into but never did is now something I look for: Historical Fiction. Time travel and paraell universe reads have always been a weakness but I’ve never read an entirely just Historically Fiction book until this year. And I feel like I’ve been missing out!

I know Disneyland still has no plans to re-open any time soon and that my love and my home Disney World IS open. I’m hoping to be able to get there some time this year so I can start posting Disney content; until then I guess it’s just other types of Disney content!

I hope this new name gives me a new start that I’m hoping for and encourages me to stop censoring myself.

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Word Vomit | Mental Health Update

November 11, 2020by Hazel Vee2 Comments

Why does it have to be so hard to find a mental health resource?! Since the last update I finally managed to find a psychiatrist (cause those are the ones who give you meds) but not from the list provided to me from my insurance company. I actually had to find one via Psychology Today’s website. Yes, like the magazine. So thank goodness for that but at the same time… what in the actual FUCK?! Why would my insurance company send me on this never ending run around?!

As you can see, the last week on this blog has been pretty quiet. Same with Twitter. I’ve just been struggling with my mental health and with being tired and with awful headaches/migraines. November is always pretty stressful and crammed for me but it’s harder to get these things done with a clingy toddler to watch at the same time. I have due dates for things and I have no idea how I’m going to get them done.

Speaking of; the decrease in my meds has been really messing me up, big time. Since my OBGYN said she couldn’t give me refills anymore for my Zoloft I’ve had to decrease from 150mg to 100mg to prevent going without for as long as I can. But because of this my mental clarity is starting to fog back up, I can’t remember words again, my excitement and inspiration is gone. And I’m just so sad. I feel like I’m on the brink of a sloppy sob fest any fuckin minute now.

I’m honestly so sick of being incapable of doing the things that use to be so simple to me pre-pregnancy.

/edit

I had my psych appointment and it went super well. Do I recommend tele-webcam-health? Not really. Connection issues can really mess up the flow of the conversation. I would had much rather had a telephone appt. But I did get the help I needed and I am on the waitlist for an actual therapist as well. So. Progress, yay.

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