Just a brief back story;
About a year ago my mother in law attacked me on Facebook saying I was a bad mom cause I had dreams and mother’s shouldn’t have dreams; she should either give up her dreams or give up her child. This COMPLETELY came as a surprise to me considering she had been so supportive prior to this. I was dealing with trying to cope with postpartum depression and the loss of my dad. My husband spent years stressing that his family will always accept you but once again my gut was screaming “told you so,” for trusting any of that mess. She went on to attack my 2 close friends who were defending me, respectfully by cussing them out. Yes, this grown ass adult woman was opening saying “fuck you” to 20 year old’s who didn’t even dare to cuss at her back. And tbh, that said a lot about my mother in law’s character. I realized A LOT that day.
My depression spiraled beyond me trying to even both controlling it anymore that day. I was just so tired of fighting it. No one cared anyway. Everyone apparently had something shitty to say about “my behavior”. I’m so lucky that the real support system I have, and have had for the last 20+ years are always there when I need them, no matter how near or far. It was the first time I ever let my PPD get away with thoughts of hurting my child. It was the first time I thought if I got rid of her, everyone could just leave me the hell alone.
And that was unfair to her. My child was there for me when I lost my dad. When I didn’t want to do anything but lay in bed all day and cry. She would squeeze my hand and make me laugh. I’m just so freakin sick of people who refuse to get to know me and have the audacity to drag who I am. And this is why I didn’t want to get married again. I didn’t want to deal with shitty in laws again. I already went through a whole freakin decade of that shit, I refuse to waste any more time with it.
My spiral got really bad and I felt like the little progress I made to heal was just undone in that one day. So I called an OBGYN and requested to be evaluated for Postpartum Depression.
Continue reading “Word Vomit | Finding a Therapist…. again”