Things I’m Leaving in 2020

Things I’m Leaving in 2020

2020 has showed us a lot of things about ourselves, our surroundings, our company we keep and about society. There are a lot of things I still carry around with me that I shouldn’t. That I don’t need to. Pain is hard to cope with. Loss is even harder. I’m the type to cling on to the darkness because the light just means what goes up must come down. And you can’t go down if you’re already there.

But I also need to remember; I’m not some broken teenager with a notebook full of secrets. I’m not that girl who constantly wished for someone to notice her and love her just as she is. I’m not searching for someone to fill a void in my life anymore.

Cause I love myself more than anyone could ever love me. Except maybe my mom and my daughter and my cat. I learned that I don’t need some dude to make me feel my worth because I know my worth. And at times I tend to forget. 2020 made the heavy things even heavier, and I’m tired of carrying it all around with me.

I’m not one to actually fully heal from anything. I kind of just store it away and pull it out from time to time. So I’m not entirely sure I’m capable of healing. But hey, there’s a first time for everything, right?

I have a tendency to ask my friends whenever it seems like they’re stuck at a fork in the road: if this was your life one year from today, would you be happy?

My bro has a habit of throwing the same question at me sometimes: but what do YOU want?

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My Week Recap; Nov 28th – Dec 5th

I want SOBADLY to bring this feature back to at least one of my blogs but it’s so time consuming and my Sunday’s (when I’d usually write them) is so packed with cleaning and prepping for the week. Today however, I’m going to attempt to do this even if it has to be the short version.

I managed to wrap, pack and ship 3 out of 5 holiday packages, before Dec 10th. THANK GOODNESS. My bank account may hate me, but whatever. I’d totally rather get it done early than scramble around like I usually do. There were so many new things at Bath & Body Works and I write all that kind of stuff on hazearella but I did grab hand soaps and body washes, my stores were completely sold out of candles for candle day/weekend which is nuts. I ended up exchanging my candles for store credit instead which is fine, do I really need more candles?!

This week has been a blur, but I feel like I spent a good amount of time just relaxing. I’ve been stressed out of my mind but you know, what can you really do?

Ironically one of my grocery stores has Peonies?! So of course I grabbed one. I also saw that Trader Joe’s has Calla’s but I forgot to grab one. Maybe next weekend. Tums found a new favorite show that has to do with a monkey get his ass whooped by other animals. It’s pretty funny but I don’t see how this is a show for kids. Tums seems to like it and I don’t know if I should be impressed or worried lol.

I also attempted to take more “Christmasy” pics of her for the Christmas card but I’m honestly at a loss at what I want the card to be. I wish we could do a family holiday photoshoot but Bubba doesn’t really like being in pictures. I will never understand what is it with guys and NOT wanting to be in photos, esp with their kids. It’s getting a little harder to take photos with Tums since all she wants to do is play, maybe this is why when people do family photos with a toddler it usually looks candid.

Our Hello Fresh* (here’s a code for $70 off) meal we made this week was Stuffed Bell Peppers and I really liked it. I ate everything, including the Bell Pepper which I usually don’t gravitate towards. Bubba also made me a homemade Peppermint Mocha with crushed up Candy Canes. He really went above and beyond with this one lol. It was so good. Like ridic how good it was, I had it two nights in a row! He also made Tums her own “Hot Chocolate” since she wanted my whipped cream lol.

Hit up my friend JR who I misssss! I love the friends that you can go months or YEARS not speaking to and falling back into conversation with them is just as easy as it’s always been. These are my types of people. Even if they all got jokes about me lol, can’t blame them, they’re 100% right lol. JR and I use to work at Six Flags together in Cash Control, so us and a bunch of other people spent 12-18 hours a day in a small room together counting money. Weird things happen when everyone is tired and hungry and just want to go home. But these people became friends and family to me and I’m so so glad I still talk to some of them even if it’s years apart. It reminded me of how much I miss being home in Cali and how much I miss being near friends and family. I miss knowing there were people there I could hang out with or just grab lunch with if I was in a bad mood. People who know how to read me and know how to handle my moods without judgement.

I never really feel lonely, ever. I’ve always been one to stay to myself and even though I have a lot of friends, I’m also good just being alone. But the longer I’m in Texas with absolutely no one who knows me that I’m able to hang around is really really starting to irritate my soul. I feel so isolated here. And my friends really do try super hard to make sure I don’t feel alone even if they’re in CA or FL but I also miss the vibes of those states. Texas feels like an angry mom who you have to walk around eggshells on and shit talks your every attempt to be creative. This is my least favorite state to live in. I don’t even feel like I can be 100% myself here without feeling like someone will have something to say.

Probably the root core of most of my anxiety and depression lately. Covid doesn’t fuckin help, at all.

Taking photos of a toddler is SO hard these days, like child just STOP moving for like 5 seconds. Tums got her rainboots I got her, they light up. She LOVES them. She’s been wearing them around the house like crazy every day since she got them.

Bubba got his advent calendar but he’s been giving them to Tums. Sigh. She’s ready to be potty trained as well and ironically I got a training potty for review. That I just had to stop mid blog post to put together since it came in. Looking at it now, it’s a kind of weird concept. So instead of changing diapers… I have to change this bowl thing?!

Yah this will be fun for my OCD, I can see it now.

How was your week?

Hello December

This post was suppose to go up yesterday, but it didn’t. And now today it’s going up late. I’m really kicking off December huh? To be fair though I did get this post up on hazearella at least. Though that was late as well.

It’s the LAST month of 2020. Thank. Freaking. Goodness! And I realized there are a lot of things I didn’t end up posting about. I’m not too into the idea of blogmas this year because I feel like I’m going to fail, again. But I will attempt to post more this month, including the book reviews I need to do!

If you want to see my detailed overly ambitious goals list for this month head over to hazearella. If not, keep reading!

| Blogging & Social Media

I’m thinking of giving up trying to perfect the ways of Instagram because holy shit is it just hard and not making sense anymore! But also I’m starting to feel like networking there is becoming impersonal. And that’s cool, whatever. Social media changes all the time, but it’s just not my cup of Coke. I do want to spend more time on Pinterest, Tailwind and Twitter. I wish I knew how Facebook pages worked cause that would be great too.

As far as blogging; I want to post everything that in the draft queue. Focus a bit more on talking about mental health and post a bit more about food on here. I know I have a whole different blog for that, but for some reason I just can’t seem to get it started. I really wish I had planned some Winter/Holiday content but a toddler and living somewhere with no friends or help and not an ounce of creativity in the air? Is rough. I usually surround myself with like-minded people. But I really dropped that ball several feet by moving to Texas.

| Reading

I have a NetGalley TBR I want to get at least half way through. There’s also 2 Dec titles in there. One I’m currently working on and I’m REALLY hoping I can make it through this TBR. There’s also a few fun titles on my TBR I want to get into this month to somehow get me in the holiday spirit? I’m never actually in the “holiday spirit”. Christmas is my least favorite holiday and Winter is my least favorite season plus I’ve had some pretty shitty Christmases. December use to actually be my “dystopia” month, it started when I read The Hunger Games and Shatter Me in 2010/2009. But I figured this year I’d save the Winter/Xmas themed ones for December and see how it goes.

Man my bad mood is really just leaking all over this blog post, I’m sorry ya’ll. I’m just not having a good day lol.

| Health

I really want to set aside time to meditate again and start doing light yoga (idk how I’m going to meditate when it’s literally never quiet in this damn house). I also really want to go back to my previous diet of mostly veggies and greens. Lots of Tofu and Salmon. Just things that will make me feel better. I’m tired of always being tired and sluggish. I don’t know if it’s my diet or my medication. But either way, I just want to be healthier.

So there’s the short version of my December goals list!

What are some things you want to start or accomplish this month?

Hello November

Hello November

Show of hands of how many people are glad this dang year is almost over.

I have a few basic goals for this month… that mostly have to do with money, budgeting and flipping my shit because this is the time of year where I just want to go shopping, constantly. Though I’m wondering if the fact I choose to still stay away from malls will help ease that. Nah, probably not. Not when there’s stuff like Afterpay around online.

It’s almost the end of the month so there’s also prepping for holidays and yearly recaps. And hoping 2021 will be a shit ton better!

Continue reading “Hello November”

Friday Finds

The weeks are just zipping by, but I say that every Friday, don’t I?

This week was filled with making tons of phone calls, sorting moving stuff and trying to sort my stuff before we have to start packing. I’m so awful at getting rid of things and I really need to start slimming down on the stuff I have and the stuff I buy in the future. I’m a stress shopper and I really need to start being a stress SAVER. I invested a bit in some Pinterest/Instagram templates and now that I have I’m like what can I post next… while I have a TON of content pending, I tend to feel like ehh, maybe now isn’t the best time then I miss the seasonal window.

I got back on FFXIV, kinda. There’s so much to catch up on and honestly all I did was change my gear cause even then, the upgrade from the last time I was on in insane in terms of the ilvl (the item level; the higher the item level the less squishy you are). I’m told in order to keep leveling my crafters (I’m a total crafter in any game I’m on) I’m going to have to do Main Story Quests and more dungeons. Sigh. Weird ass Shadowbringers requirements. I also hopping back on Animal Crossing and HOLYYY WEEDS.

On to the links;

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