Hello May

Hello May

How is it we’re almost half way through 2021? How did that happen so fast? I know I missed one of these for April, there was just so much going on that I didn’t want to make myself a list of things I wanted to get done in case it didn’t happen. And I’m glad cause after our trip to Disney I was pretty much what felt like — but I’m sure couldn’t be — jetlagged for weeks. I felt like my head was stuffed with cotton and the only other time I felt like that was when I first flew to Florida from California in 2011.

I feel much better now and I’m ready to get back to work with writing ALL THE THINGS… or all the things Tums will let me. She’s moved on to waking up in her sleep when I’m trying to blog at night so, we’ll see how writing all the things goes.

I can’t think of anything major on our calendar for May besides you know… medical follow ups. Not sure if Tums is due for shots again or not, they haven’t notified us. But I find that her new PCP usually doesn’t.

With that said, I’m hoping to get back into writing again and reading some more. My NetGalley TBR needs help. And so does my actual physical TBR; I’m finding in 2021 my favorite genre’s are switching from fantasy to historical fiction. From YA to middle grade. I just haven’t been in the mood for a romance heavy series/read lately. But I’m finding as much as I love fantasy everything I haven’t really been reaching for fantasy titles. I’m even struggling with retellings which is insane. Is this a thing that just happens? Man, the more and more I feel like I don’t even know myself anymore.

Here’s a few things I want to get to in May;

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6 things I learned in 36 years

6 things I learned in 36 years

JFC I’m inching closer and closer to 40 and I’m not about it.

I got to finally spend my birthday at Disney World after 4 years of being away. It’s also my ten year anniversary since my first Disney College Program in 2011. So it was super important I was there this year, even though I was missing a few people. But man, to be 26 again would be kind of amazing. I miss all my friends from my first DCP but I don’t miss the marriage drama I was dealing with at the time. Or the strings of bad news that was waiting for me when I got home after.

It’s also the 10 year anniversary that my dad was diagnosed with Cancer (which took his life almost 2 years ago). The 10 year anniversary that my cat Meez was shot by a jackass kid in our neighborhood and passed away before I got home. The 10 year anniversary of my brother getting into an accident that resulted in him getting a blood clot in his brain — extremely thankful he recovered just fine.

And also the 10 year anniversary that a mama cat dropped off her entire liter in our backyard randomly; those kittens changed our family’s life. No joke.

I wrote about turning 35 last year and I honestly feel like I just wrote that blog post. It’s seriously crazy and scary how fast time flies. Even in quarantine I guess. Also super proud I finally got to link my own post, what the heck is that called? Inner linking? Ok no, that’s so far off but something like that.

I’m not going to write 36 things I learned in 36 years because this past year there wasn’t much to reflect on or consider. So that would just be torturing myself for no reason. Instead I’ll do 6 and see where that goes.

6 Things I learned in 36 years;

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It’s Monday, what are you reading?

I have a trip to pack and prep for so I thought I’d pop a reading post up today instead. I’m super excited for various reasons but one of the biggest reasons is I finally get to see my BFF! I haven’t seen her since 2008; we both tend to chase too many dreams and despite what state I’m in or what country she’s in, we’ve always tried our best to check in with each other. So when people say “distance” is why “X has happened” I think it’s crap. But maybe it’s just me.

This is also the first time she’s meeting Tums (who’s her goddaughter) and the first time Tums is meeting someone from my life that she might remember (she met my friend Eric when she was like 7mo’s, so). Yes, she’s 2 and hasn’t met anyone from my life. I know, it bothers me too.

Currently Reading;

I just realized I never finished this blog post rfom this morning. Omg.

Yes, I’m still listening to Bridge of Souls but I only have like an hour or so left in the audiobook. Annnd I’m not really sure how I feel about it in comparison to the previous two in the series.

I also started The Archive but it’s super confusing I guess because “Da” is probably her grandfather? I thought it was her dad so I got super confused. The concept of this book has always intrigued me and it’s definitely been on my TBR for way too long. Since I’m nearing the end of the MG series I figured I’d pick this one up.

I read a review of The Stolen Kingdom that really bumped this up on my TBR. I’m not regretting any of it. Plus it’s a NetGalley title and we all know how it is with those lol.

Hoping to Read;

Down Comes The Night: Magic? Darkness? I’m there.

I read a sampler of Lost in The Never Woods before it came out. And while I’m not exactly sure where it was going, it is a Peter Pan retelling… I’m starting to think that just because I LOVEEE PETER PAN doesn’t mean I love Peter Pan retellings? Like, idk. I just haven’t found one that I really vibed with.

Ya’ll House of Salt and Sorrow has been “currently reading” since freakin last Sept. I AM GOING TO FINISH THIS TITLE. It’s not even that I don’t like the book, I do. But goodness it’s so dark and creeps.

I started Go The Distance awhile ago, but I put it down for some reason. I really want to get this read and reviewed before it’s released as it was one of the titles in this series I was MOST excited about!

Happy Easter

I typically celebrate Easter as my “self holiday” since I love stocking up on Easter snacks. But I feel like there really werent that much this year to choose from! I def had a struggle putting a basket together for Tums.

I also put together a basket for B.

B had given us our Easter baskets early; mine is on the left and Tums is on the right. The Cotton Candy in mine is “Blueberry Waffle” and omg it’s amazing. It legit tastes like waffles!

Luckily Tums is too little to understand and all she knows is she just got more candy just for her. We didn’t get big baskets this year because if you can see the sort of hint in the back — we have a big trip coming up! And I’m super duper excited. Still struggling with depression over here but trust me, inside I’m screaming from excitement. I just… need to pack. Which I’m always bad with.

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Friday Finds

Happy Friday!

I never start a post like that jfc lol.

I told ya’ll I was gonna change the graphic to this weekly feature. Okay anyway.

It’s Good Friday! I’m not in that religion anymore but ironically, I’m not eating meat today. Was it meat? Chicken? I don’t remember. Or was that Lent? Or the whole week? Either way, I get weirdly proud of myself when I accidently don’t eat meat on Good Friday or Easter. You can leave the religion but the religion won’t leave you, and that’s real lol.

I had a super fun Easter-ish weekend planned, including going to a Tulip farm but I realized that 1) I don’t have an outfit I want to wear for it 2) what if it’s cold and 3) I didn’t wanna hear B bitching about how far it is or about gas cost oh wait and 4) my depression doesn’t wanna do jack this weekend.

My mom wrote me a super long letter about basically: I know it’s hard and I know you’re struggling but you need to get your shit straight. But in 3 pages. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE that my mom has started writing me letters. They’re usually full of her saying she’s proud of me and I’m doing great. Without verbally saying it cause you know… Asian parents and feelings. Just a word of random advice — clicky keyboards aren’t a good idea if you eat at your desk.

I lost my train of thought…

Easter is one of my favorite self holidays but this year I’m barely celebrating. Didn’t grab any of my traditions or anything. I had that planned for tomorrow but eh, I’m not in the mood.

It’s time to boss up

Fix ya credit, girl get at it

Get ya bag up

Hit that gym and get back fine

Go get that degree, go girl

Unlock potential that you didn’t know you had in youget ya bag up

Yeah ok.

On to the links;

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Recap 2021 | March

Is it just me or does it feel like March just passed right on by? I remember planning my Middle Grade March TBR and suddenly I have 1 1/2 days until March is over?! How the hell?! I made zero progress with the TBR btw. I mean, I have 2 hours left on the book I’m currently listening to but I have no idea when I’ll be able to go finish it. So. Yeah, the reading was kind of non existent this month.

And it was taken over by… depression! Me and depression have a long and twisted relationship. Before anxiety decided to crash the party, I had figured out a way to take my depression and turn it into art. Writing, singing, graphic design, and even poetry. But since anxiety, that doesn’t happen too often anymore. Now most of the time when depression steps in, I pretty much don’t do anything. And I really hate that type. Where anxiety is crippling and manipulating my thoughts and even sense of sight, here comes useless ass depression. Like bro, at least inspire me to make something? Seeing skips of content just pisses me off when you decide to up and leave for the weekend or some shit. Mothafucker.

At the end of Feb somehow my stuff started to break: first my keyboard (which was my fault, I’ll admit) then my laptop (which was Tums’ fault but honestly, it was bound to happen and of course I tried to avoid it from happening but if you have/had toddlers.. you’d know they just auto break everything they touch. I remember when I was toddler and me and my brother did a LOT OF HIDING my moms shit when we’d do something we KNEW we weren’t suppose to be doing in the house; 99% of the time it involved playing catch). And my iPad randomly decided to stop charging.

My kuya was nice enough to get me a new keyboard (a cool aesthetically pleasing clicky one btw) as an early bday gift and tbh, I’m SO obsessed with it. Like, I just want to type FOREVER. It’s so satisfying! Also, we’ve been friends for 21 years and this is the first time he’s gotten me a gift lmao, just saying. But seriously, this keyboard is the thing of good feelings lol.

My mom replaced my laptop as an early bday gift. It’s cool cause the finger pad doubles as a num pad. It gets confusing when you accidently turn it on (yes you can turn it off and on) but it’s a really cool concept. This one STAYS OUT OF TUMS REACH at all times. Idc if she cries. Throws her shit all off the bed. Whatever. She’s not touching this one lol.

I finally gave in and took my iPad to Geek Squad where they told me that Apple doesn’t usually “repair” your stuff, they just send you a new one. And they don’t really care to even tell you what was wrong with your broken device either. So, yay for getting a replacement but booo for not knowing what was wrong. While I waited for that to come in (they told me 3-5 days but it ended up taking like 3 weeks) I ended up getting the Samsung Galaxy Tab S6 Lite. There are pros and cons to this tablet, imo. But I’m a hardcore Apple fan when it comes to devices and a Windows fan when it comes to computers. The one thing I will say is that the pen for the SGT is a lot lighter than the Apple pen and it kind of throws me off?

I also finally upgraded my iPhone to the iPhone 12, from the iPhone 8. I was super hesitant since the last text message and phone call log from my dad was on my 8. But the dude said I didn’t have to trade in my phone since it was paid off, so whew. I opted OUT of the mini this time for my phone. I didn’t get the one I dub spider eyes, I just got the 12 in the normal size. And the best thing about new iPhones? THAT NEW BATTERY LIFE. So nice. I can actually not keep it on the charger all night! I can play games! I can FaceTime and not deplete my battery! So fun! So amazing! Man I hate this new tech shit.

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Shop Small Sunday

Today’s shop small is inspired by:

All the Etsy Disney shops I bought products from for my upcoming trip.

I’ve always wanted indie Disney shirts. I don’t know why, I just love how creative people get with their designs esp the text only ones. I’ve also thought of making my own, but I don’t know where people get theirs printed at. Something I’ll have to look into for sure!

On to my purchases;

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Book Review | Tunnel of Bones by Victoria Schwab

Tunnel of Bones by Victoria Schawb
Cassidy Blake #2
Release Date: September 3rd 2019 by Scholastic
Genre: Middle Grade > Historical Fiction > Ghosts
Source: Scribd
Format: Audiobook
Summary:

Trouble is haunting Cassidy Blake . . . even more than usual.

She (plus her ghost best friend, Jacob, of course) are in Paris, where Cass’s parents are filming their TV show about the world’s most haunted cities. Sure, it’s fun eating croissants and seeing the Eiffel Tower, but there’s true ghostly danger lurking beneath Paris, in the creepy underground Catacombs.

When Cass accidentally awakens a frighteningly strong spirit, she must rely on her still-growing skills as a ghosthunter — and turn to friends both old and new to help her unravel a mystery. But time is running out, and the spirit is only growing stronger.

And if Cass fails, the force she’s unleashed could haunt the city forever.

Amazon* | Goodreads

If I thought City of Ghosts was amazing, Tunnel of Bones is even more epic. The story behind this one was much more creepy (anything dealing with a kid ghost is always just a little bit more creepy). Tunnel of Bones takes place in Paris and I’m really curious to know if this place is real, but I’m too scared to look it up. The idea of a huge graveyard of bones under a beautiful city is just a mind blowing idea. The stories of the people who were buried and who were lost under there just adds to the curious factor of it all.

Cassidy’s extreme actions to find answers is what I like about her the most; this time it lands her a new friend and an interesting lesson in history. The way Schawb weaves stories of past and present is done so flawlessly. The banter between Jacob and well, anyone, was the best part of this book. Then again it’s the best part of every book in this series.

We do get to know a little more about Jacob in this one; not enough to really have a full story but we get a look into a few things. I think it helped to make his friendship with Cass even stronger. I don’t ship them but I do enjoy their pure friendship!

I’m currently listening to the 3rd book and I’m really hoping this isn’t the end!

Monday Mindful Manifestation

I don’t have a quote or any idea what I want to manifest this week. But as I write this, Tums is behind me with her blocks learning how to count on her own. The things this girl does when you just sit and watch her amazes me. She’s so dang smart.

I lied, I just came across this quote in friend Logan’s blog post. Fun fact I started following him on LiveJournal in like 2004? 2005? And I’ve been reading his blog ever since.

This is something I truly believe in; my ex use to be one of those people who felt like because of his upbringing the world owed him something. He spent years angry and waiting for things to fall in his lap. And when I’d suggest doing something about it all he did was point out how hindered he was. But if there’s anything I learned from him it’s that people will go after what they want, period. He always felt like I had a bigger advantage because I had a car. Because I came from money even though I worked just as much if not more than him. I had my own bills to pay. I was THISCLOSE to enlisting into the Army because my mom refused to pay for my college.

My biggest dream was to work at Disney. I held on to this dream for years. I had no idea how or when, I just knew someday I’d get there. And I did. And it wasn’t because I had a car or came from money, none of that played any part in how I got a job at Disney.

I’ve believed in manifestation my whole life — if I just stayed on track. If I just kept working towards whatever goal it was — big or small — I could make it happen.

Working at Disney was one of the best things to ever happen to me.

I went in as this shy, insecure, quiet girl who had big dreams but a small voice. I struggled to make female friends in CA because bitches are haters. And I left that job being a girl with big dreams and a big voice. I’m 0% shy. I got comfortable with speaking in front of 80 people every 12 minutes willing an animatronic ant to start a show. I made friends all around the world I still talk to that loved me for who I am, no matter what kind of day I was having.

I lost my bestest friend and my husband in the process, but tbh I feel like the truth of if we belonged together or not was hanging in the balance way before we left for Disney.

People will always be who they are.

It’s up to you to listen and what you’re gonna with that.

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Happy 6th Adoptaversary Sophie!

The story of how I met Sophie is sort of my favorite one to tell; mostly because I have no idea how or why it happened. I had always heard that pets choose their owners but I never really believed in that until now. I had spent years just browsing the cats for adoption at PetSmart I figured this was any other day like that.

It was a Tampa day when I lived in Florida and one of my main stops was PetSmart since it was right next to Whole Foods. I was talking to my friend Adonis and walked over to the adoption center. I saw Sophie, through the window and immediately felt drawn to her. She wasn’t doing anything special, she was just there. She wasn’t super active and she wasn’t a kitten as her info card said she was 10. But she was tiny. Too small to believe that she was 10. I don’t exactly remember what her info card had said (and I wish I did). I went to find an associate because I wanted to meet Sophie.

She was really skittish. And yes, small. The associate told me that a woman runs the adoption agency they work with and that Sophie was found. She also told me Sophie had been at that PetSmart for 3 years. It was harder to get her adopted since she wasn’t young.

I should probably explain where I was in this point of my life: a year earlier I had a mental breakdown to the point where I almost called 5150 on myself and it triggered hallucinations. It wasn’t anything big or serious at the time — I just kept seeing a cat follow me around my apartment or stare at me. And I didn’t have a cat. I was frequently home alone. Because of the mental breakdown I was also going through a separation/divorce though my ex at the time didn’t want to acknowledge it… or the divorce papers he hid somewhere in his closet. This wasn’t some short marriage either; we had been together since we were 17. He was the bestest friend I had even known and he was literally my partner in crime. Until one day he just wasn’t anymore. Until one day he said my anxiety and OCD make him feel trapped and he turned to other girls to help him feel normal. Our relationship was broken and there wasn’t a way to fix it, we both knew that. We had been together for 12 years and literally grew up together. Learned how to be adults together.

One month after I adopted Sophie, we filed for divorce.

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