This week has been a bit of a blur; I did manage to finish some books which is always good but now I’ve dove into the never ending hole of ooh let’s add this to the wishlist crap. I still have high hopes I’ll finish a few more of my Fall TBR so I can move on to a few retellings in September.
I’m going to save the small weekly recap part of this post for the end because the photos came out a bit larger than I expected.
I have a tendency to do this; I dream big and I plan big and tbh some people find that uncomfortable or outside of THEIR comfort zone and project that on to ME making me feel like my plans, goals or ideas are too big and honestly who gets to say that about someone else’s life? Ironically I’ve found that the people who’ve never chased a dream, had a BIG idea or moved away/refuse to move away from their comfort zone are the exact people who will make you feel like you’re wrong.
It’s hard to know who these people are because they can be anyone in your life without you even knowing it. And if it’s someone whos opinion you value, it’ll influence you to rethink your goals. And honestly that’s not going to help anyone. I’ve learned that suppressing your dreams to make someone else comfortable kills a part of yourself.
I need to realize that it doesn’t matter WHO someone IS in my life, if they have the audacity to make me feel small knowing that I DREAM BIG (always have, always will) then they’re not the people I need to be speaking to.
I try to surround myself with like-minded people and people who are either on their way to where I want to be or who have been there. It helps to surround yourself around people who have the same goals as you, to bounce idea’s off of or just to talk to and vent to on the day it seems like a lot.
This is my intention for the week; to remember that not everyone wants to see you win. And that’s fine, just make sure to not let those people get you down.
Okay ya’ll, I know by now you probably see a theme in the affirmations I’m picking. I’m struggling through some stuff but I’m working on it. Or well, trying to. Writing has always been my therapy but I don’t feel safe or comfortable writing what I’m trying to get through. Besides, healing is a journey not a destination.
A few good things that happened this week (I have pictures this time)!
I noticed I don’t really have many helpful posts on this blog which are things most people search for or are drawn to; me included! I love writing about my personal experiences and expressing myself but also I want to be able to help people. One of my goals this year was to build a space for myself where I could open and freely talk about Postpartum Depression and I created a blog specifically for that. Maybe some day I’ll feel comfortable enough to share it across all my other media’s but for now, I’m still paranoid my in laws are stalking my stuff so… there’s that.
I’ve been blogging since 1999. I started on Opendiary then TeenOpenDiary (which is still one of my favorite platforms looking back) then moving on to LiveJournal, Xanga and DeadJournal. I also dabbled in the random LiveJournal-like blog platforms like Blurty (which I’m so sad shut down before I could download my entries) and the like. Then settled into BlogSpot for awhile. I also blogged on Vox which was a great platform and of course both WordPress.com and WordPress.org.
Originally I started a blog because I was tired of my mom reading my diary.
When I was around 6 my dad bought me one of those kid diaries where it came with a literal lock. My mom hated that. She was a bit controlling and extremely nosey when I was a kid and felt like she was entitled to read my diary since I lived in her house. And that’s something I constantly struggled with growing up. There were times the things I’d write in my diary got me in trouble. One particular one was where my brother had done something and I took the blame when it wasn’t my fault and how he gets away with everything. I was maybe 8 or 9 when I wrote that. And as I got older it got worse but in that specific time frame I got in so much trouble for just saying he gets away with everything.
I know I missed 2 other blog posts last week and I’m hoping I’ll have time to make up for it this week; that’s just life. I got caught up in rebuilding hazearella which I’m proud of the results at the end of the week!
This was actually a quote provided by Word Swag which is an app I use for tagging my photos or if I want to put text in an image. I love the font options and they also provide quotes.
This is one saying/quote I remember hearing in high school and it really struck me. I get that moving around isn’t everyone’s cup of coffee but it’s mine. I get that traveling isn’t everyone’s desire, but it’s mine and it always has been.
I never believed in staying in one place forever. Even as a child I dreamed of all the states I could move to and all the countries and cultures I could see and experience.
A lot of things didn’t happen. Some things took years to happen. And with this pandemic my soul just aches in a way I can’t explain; I miss getting on a plane. I miss experiencing new places and new things. And now it seems like all of that is lost.
So this week I want to remind myself that it isn’t lost, it’s just going to take some time. In the meantime, focus on here and now. On rebuilding your passions and teaching Tums to find hers. I’m also going to remind myself that traveling will be much more fun once she can walk on her own (and less tiring on me)!
I also want to remind myself that just because here isn’t where you want to be doesn’t mean you can’t look for new adventures. Wasn’t I the one who said adventure can be found anywhere?
I need to remind myself that it’s ok if things feel hard; but it’s not ok to stay there. At some point you gotta get up and find something to look forward to.
What is a thought or saying you’d like to remind yourself this week?
It’s 355am, clearly sleeping isn’t one of them. At least without a sleeping aid. I’ll get that checked, some day (that’s another story for another post).
Welcome to the summer edition of this sort of feature I suppose. As seasons change so do our routines and surroundings. Self care is more of a journey than a destination and my ways of caring for myself change every now and then. It’s always interesting to see what I’ll add and what I’ll take away. And even more interesting when I don’t even noticed I’ve added something until I look back at my camera roll (please say I’m not the only one).
That pandemic is still in full force; possibly in even more fuller force? At least here in Texas it seems to be getting worse. But we all knew that was going to happen, right? Still, it’s starting to test the limits of my anxiety and intrusive thoughts. I’m honestly surprised it took 3 months for it to start itching but I still need to get it under control. FAST. Of course when there’s a life threatening virus no one can see and can be easily transported ANYWHERE it’s kind of hard to not be paranoid (my husband’s uncle tested positive very recently but thankfully his mom and himself tested negative, though I’ve heard of false results and my ocd is RUNNING TO THE MOON with that info let me tell you).
I stumbled on a blog post from writing from nowhere where she created a series of inspiring quotes in wallpaper format.
This one is currently my lock screen wallpaper. I use to change mine out every week with a new quote; it definitely helped me keep myself accountable and focused on my goals. I should start that up again!
So how did I do with last week’s MMM? I think I did pretty well; I obviously haven’t worked through all of it but I’ve at least tried to actively make moves to be better at controlling my thoughts and feelings towards it.
This weeks Monday Mindful Manifestation is something that I’ve always truly believed and something that I stick to as much as I can. I get to choose my tribe and my circle. I get to have control over what type of energy I want to surround myself with and knowing I’m a creative type, I like to keep other likeminded and creative people around me. I love bouncing ideas off of friends, they definitely help me stay on my goals and help hold me accountable. And if I have a problem, they help me brainstorm a solution.
I’ve always believed that people who sit around talking about other people have small minds, and project their own insecurities super loudly by doing so. Maybe it’s just me, I’d rather spend my energy creating than hating.
The energy you keep is the energy you’re feeding yourself, make sure it’s good.
You can’t live a positive life with a negative mind set and environment, trust me. I’ve tried. And no matter how hard you push, no matter how hard you work on yourself, your environment plays a HUGE part in your outcome and your mental health. So stay healthy, and that includes keeping positive people around you.
This is my manifestation for this week — a reminder to reach out to my loved ones when I feel like I’m struggling.
This morning I thought of something I wanted to manifest and wanted to share it on my blog; maybe every week I’ll make it a point to think of what I want to manifest for that week or even just that day.
I admit that I absolutely tend to care what people say or think about me. Sometimes a little too much. There was a time I legitimately didn’t care cause I was either so self confident in myself or too full of myself to even believe them; I often miss those days and wonder where they went — but tbh they were the last days before anxiety crept into my life and changed everything.
It’s been over 10 years since then and my name has been dragged through the mud so much since. Between ex boyfriends and ex husbands who tell reverse tales of what really happened, to ex and current in laws who shame me for speaking about mental health and sharing my stories (which to them makes me “full of shit” and a bad mom).
I know you can’t please everyone and the ones who know you best will always know who you truly are despite what anyone says about you; but it does bother me. And it does take a lot of my thought process and healing space.
So this week, I’m manifesting the quote above; people will always have something to say about you, but what they say and what they think is none of your business in the first place.
I previously wrote about the 5 Daily Things I Do As Self Care; self care is SUCH a big deal to me and it’s something I’m constantly working on. It’s something I try to make sure I make time for in my every day life.
Keeping calm isn’t something I’m very good at. I stress out super easy. The more I stress out the worst my anxiety gets and it’s a never ending cycle. So there are certain things I keep around to help me/remind me to chill out.