Monday Mindful Manifestation

Talk less, smile more. Don’t let them know what you’re against or what you’re for.

Possibly the worst advice I’ve ever heard. I watched Hamilton not too long ago and I’m completely utterly obsessed. It’s been the only thing I’ve been thinking about for DAYS now. I mean I started listening to the soundtrack months before I decided to watch it. I just figured it wasn’t my type of musical. Despite 2021 seems to be my year of historical fiction.

That moment when you realize you’re probably Alexander Hamilton in this musical. Minus the advice he gave his kid. I refuse to watch that entire scene ever again. Mf I was sobbing and I never cry at movies.

It’s a pet peeve of mine to come across people who don’t stand for anything. Not just that, but have the audacity to stop someone else from standing what they believe in. I don’t need anyone to fight my battles, never have and never will. But also, don’t stand in my way. If you don’t agree with me, cool. Sit ya ass down. My ex husband (when he was still my bf) hated that I was pro-gay up until we divorced. He literally thought that children who are AROUND gays would turn gay themselves. I remember buying a shirt when I was 19 that said “I you don’t believe in gay marriage, don’t marry one” and he thought it was “stupid”. He hated that I was passionate about animal rights. He hated that I wasn’t a fan of eating meat either. And don’t even get me started on how “stupid” he thought being vocal about mental health was. Or how he was convinced I was “making up” OCD and anxiety because “that shit isn’t real” DESPITE that I went to therapy for 8 years. That he would come with me to. WEEKLY. But you know, yeah, I’m def making this shit up. Mf, what.

It was his theory that if you stayed quiet, no one would have anything against you. Spoiler alert: if a mf wants to hate on you, they will.

I think I’ll talk more and smile less. I think I’ll let them know what I’m for and against so there isn’t a chance for miscommunication. Is it possible to manifest staying true to yourself?

Btw, Aaron Burr annoys me lol.

Monday Mindful Manifestation

Hey all you wonderful people!

So glad to be here for another MMM and I know it’s been a minute since I’ve posted one.

Designing Fall & Halloween tees and stickers have been my biggest projects this month and I’m super excited about them!

I managed to make a handful of sales last week, and I’m so thankful for that and the support! I redid my Ko-fi page to now include memberships where I send out monthly stickers and keychains depending on which one you pick! I’m having a lot of fun designing stickers and tees and I’m both excited and extremely overwhelmed with getting the Fall/Halloween stuff up!

There still moments, lots of moments, where I don’t know if what I’m doing is worth it. But as long as I’m having fun and as long as it’s helping my mental health, it is def worth it. At least that’s what I remind myself.

Dreams won’t work unless you do.

Manifestation is crazy; and it’s something I believed in for a really long time but didn’t know there was a word for it. But I truly believe if I stay focused, and if I keep my mind positive and clear then I can achieve anything. Even something as crazy as seeing this tiny business of mine take off. And I know the universe is there to see me and hear me.

This week I’m manifesting just that: to keep my mind positive and clear and work as hard as I can. And to remind myself that the universe got’s me.

What’s something you want to manifest this week? Beyond that, how have ya’ll been?

Monday Mindful Manifestation

Bit of a late MMM post this week; accidently on purpose fell asleep with Tums during her nap. But I did wake up to boba and Chipotle so that was super nice.

This song has been on repeat for awhile now. And yes, I yet have still to watch the movie.

Feeling safe enough to be yourself unfiltered: a love language.

As I get older I’m shocked to see what are things I thought were my love language are really just shallow preferences. And it makes me wonder; if me and my ex husband didn’t split when we did, would our relationship had only got worse? By the time we split he wasn’t my ride or die anymore. He discouraged more than encouraged and it hurt every time he did. Or would make some backhand comment the second my personality shifted, knowing that it tends to shift a lot. He use to learn things on Photoshop just so he could teach me.

He never censored me though, ever. If his mom or friends had something to say about me and “my attitude” he’d defend it. It wasn’t until the end I felt filtered. But even then he told members to fuck off and leave me alone.

My life since then has just been a big blob of: people who don’t know me so they try to silence me because they don’t like that I talk about uncomfortable topics. Like mental health. Loss. Or they just think my dark humor “isn’t funny”. Well no bitch, it’s really not suppose to be. But it IS funny to those of us who suffer every damn day so back off. Pop a Xanax and mind ya business.

There is such a huge stigma against mental health. And instead of trying to hear people out, you try to silence them. Only encouraging that stigma. And do you know how hard it is for people to find help for their mental health as it is? How expensive and how many different routes you have to take JUST to find help?? Why would you want to make it harder on someone than it already is?

I honestly feel uncomfortable when people talk about God and Jesus this and that. But I have never told someone not to. Or commented on their posts. I literally just keep scrolling. It takes 2 seconds, to just keep. scrolling.

Thank goodness for the internet and the mental health community. Seriously.

This week I want to manifest a reminder to speak my truth. A reminder of my why: so that other people don’t have to feel unheard or unseen.

Monday Mindful Manifestation

Monday Mindful Manifestation

My Cricut came in last weekend and I’ve been nonstop messing with the Cricut program, doing test prints and watching endless amounts of YouTube videos and TikToks (I even made a TikTok account for my crafting stuff @ siinfulart).

I’m finding that I expect myself to know how to use a product I have zero experience with. And I know where this mind set stems from — it’s the same reason why I get frustrated with myself when it comes to Photoshop CC.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong confidence. There’s nothing wrong with having high expectations of yourself. But not allowing yourself to fail and learn because “this should be easy to understand” is not helping you, it’s hindering you and any progress you could be making.

I pride myself on pushing myself out of every comfort zone I can find; physically. I didn’t realize I had some inner ones to work on.

I don’t think most people realize when you give birth, even your mind changes and re-adapting to it really fuckin sucks sometimes. I feel like I don’t even know who I am most days.

So this week I will allow myself to fail. I will allow myself to make mistakes. To learn through those processes.

No, this isn’t suppose to be easy. And that is totally okay. 2021 was suppose to be about learning, growth and trying to find yourself again. Allowing myself to fail and fail hard is part of the process 💕.

What is something you want to manifest this week? Let me know in the comments below 👇🏻.

Monday Mindful Manifestation

I love these; really wish I knew what to search for when it comes to the cute illustrations on Canva!

I’m feeling a bit neither here or there today. The weekend was a bit of a blur. I am feeling a little discouraged but this is how I work sadly. I get super obsessed and excited about a project idea… then I kind of… debate quitting. The only thing that’s never happened with is blogging. But blogging/journaling has always been my personal therapy so it probably isn’t seen as a project in my head? I’m not sure.

This week I’m manifesting a little bit of self care.

I find that if I tend to stray away from talking on the phone or verbally talking to my bff’s I get like this more often lol. Doesn’t help that they both have super time consuming jobs (a firefighter and a mental health wing nurse), the time zones don’t help either but this is adulthood.

I have also stopped Saging and it’s been a bit since I’ve done aromatherapy. I don’t even remember the last time I took a bubble bath — I’m not sure why all of these things I loved have slipped away from me suddenly.

If you’re struggling like I am lately; here’s your reminder to take some time for you this week. No one’s got you like you got you. So it has to be some sort of priority that you take care of yourself, for your sake and sanity.

I hope to remember to Sage more this week, to read a new book, take a walk on the treadmill at the gym (I find it soothing) and squeeze in a bath this week (I got myself a Sleepy bath gift set for myself this weekend from LUSH).

What are some ways you’re hoping to indulge in a bit of self care?

Monday Mindful Manifestion

Into The Unknown from Frozen II has been living rent free in my head all week. Unpopular opinion: Frozen II was way better and WAY more empowering than Frozen I. I think I’m one of the few who don’t care too dive too much into Elsa and Anna’s past/parents. I’d much rather know who the fuck raised Hans. But there was something magical about this addition to the franchise, and I surprise myself by saying that since I worked at Disney when Frozen came out and when I say you could not escape Let it Go on stage I mean it. Living in Orlando didn’t help either because it played everywhere. Even at Target and Publix. Like pls Elsa, can I just grocery shop without you following me?!?

But a part of me feels like this song is speaking to my soul.

Every time I’ve moved away from Florida, I’ve hated it. I feel my soul start to ache and dull. I’m not inspired. I’m not cheerful. I don’t know how to explain it, but spiritually, I just don’t feel good. I will forever long to be back in Florida; it’s a place I made into a home, for myself. And I suppose people who’ve never done that for themselves couldn’t relate to what that means. But that doesn’t excuse them from preventing others from doing what their soul tells them. I mention this topic a lot, because to me, it’s important. YOU have ONE life. A life that is YOURS and NO ONE ELSES.

I know that’s MUCH easier said than done, but I’ve always went in the direction that I felt the most pull towards. I told myself as a kid I wouldn’t live life with regrets — I grew up with my dad swearing he was dying for at least 25 years before he was actually diagnosed with cancer. I never understood how someone just flat out refused to live freely and constantly decided to live in fear. I told myself I wouldn’t waste my life away in a small town in California. So I didn’t. Yet somehow I’m finding myself stuck in a small town in Texas that’s far worse than American Canyon could ever be. Stuck, and alone. With no friends and no family. Would I trade it for CA? I want to say no, but I do miss the food and my friends and family. I haven’t been home in 10 years. I’ve been too busy living life, but ever since my dad did pass I’ve also felt a pull to go home. To say my goodbye’s. Even if I think he won’t hear me.

Small towns kill dreamers.

That’s for sure. And constantly having this song on repeat has reminded me I’m not some small town girl. I’m not someone who doesn’t dream. I dream BIG and OFTEN and that’s who I have always and who I will always be. Just because now I’m a mom as well means nothing. That shouldn’t stop me from being who I AM. To do anything else just sounds fuckin ridiculous. We should be raising stronger, smarter and much more driven women in the world. And I refuse to ever contain my daughter or her dreams.

This week I want to manifest;

A reminder of who I am. A reminder of what I am. And a reminder of what I’m fully capable of.

Let’s go, and let’s make it successful — Kuya Dru

What do you hope to manifest this week?

Happy Easter

I typically celebrate Easter as my “self holiday” since I love stocking up on Easter snacks. But I feel like there really werent that much this year to choose from! I def had a struggle putting a basket together for Tums.

I also put together a basket for B.

B had given us our Easter baskets early; mine is on the left and Tums is on the right. The Cotton Candy in mine is “Blueberry Waffle” and omg it’s amazing. It legit tastes like waffles!

Luckily Tums is too little to understand and all she knows is she just got more candy just for her. We didn’t get big baskets this year because if you can see the sort of hint in the back — we have a big trip coming up! And I’m super duper excited. Still struggling with depression over here but trust me, inside I’m screaming from excitement. I just… need to pack. Which I’m always bad with.

Continue reading “Happy Easter”

Monday Mindful Manifestation

I don’t have a quote or any idea what I want to manifest this week. But as I write this, Tums is behind me with her blocks learning how to count on her own. The things this girl does when you just sit and watch her amazes me. She’s so dang smart.

I lied, I just came across this quote in friend Logan’s blog post. Fun fact I started following him on LiveJournal in like 2004? 2005? And I’ve been reading his blog ever since.

This is something I truly believe in; my ex use to be one of those people who felt like because of his upbringing the world owed him something. He spent years angry and waiting for things to fall in his lap. And when I’d suggest doing something about it all he did was point out how hindered he was. But if there’s anything I learned from him it’s that people will go after what they want, period. He always felt like I had a bigger advantage because I had a car. Because I came from money even though I worked just as much if not more than him. I had my own bills to pay. I was THISCLOSE to enlisting into the Army because my mom refused to pay for my college.

My biggest dream was to work at Disney. I held on to this dream for years. I had no idea how or when, I just knew someday I’d get there. And I did. And it wasn’t because I had a car or came from money, none of that played any part in how I got a job at Disney.

I’ve believed in manifestation my whole life — if I just stayed on track. If I just kept working towards whatever goal it was — big or small — I could make it happen.

Working at Disney was one of the best things to ever happen to me.

I went in as this shy, insecure, quiet girl who had big dreams but a small voice. I struggled to make female friends in CA because bitches are haters. And I left that job being a girl with big dreams and a big voice. I’m 0% shy. I got comfortable with speaking in front of 80 people every 12 minutes willing an animatronic ant to start a show. I made friends all around the world I still talk to that loved me for who I am, no matter what kind of day I was having.

I lost my bestest friend and my husband in the process, but tbh I feel like the truth of if we belonged together or not was hanging in the balance way before we left for Disney.

People will always be who they are.

It’s up to you to listen and what you’re gonna with that.

Continue reading “Monday Mindful Manifestation”

Monday Mindful Manifestation

My doctor put me on a second anti anxiety/sleeping aid and it works a little like Xanax but not as strong. It’s been making me chill tf out the last few days, that’s for sure. The adjustment isn’t horrible like it was with Zoloft but it’s still a bit of a struggle. Having to just deal and still be the best mom is hard some mornings. I had the first Sunday in months where I felt find enough to send Tums and B to his mom’s house like I use to so I could get some sleep and catch up on some work. I’ve been a lot more hungry lately which is a good thing, it’s been awhile since I’ve actually felt hungry.

Self Care is super important, but in the world like this where our new reality is constantly changing, it’s hard to keep up with even sleep let alone self care! But if you’re anything like me, you know the feeling of burn out by putting yourself last. The only quiet time during the day I get is when I’m cleaning the rooms and taking a shower. I don’t even take bubble baths anymore, and they’re my favorite! I should start again but I always feel like I don’t have time anymore.

Things I want to start this week as self care;

➔ Play more relaxing music

I just rediscovered some songs on an old Spotify playlist I made years ago. I forgot how much I loved some of these songs. They definitely take me back to the days I worked at Disney and my busy life back then, which you all know I miss. But listening to relaxing music really has a way of changing your whole vibe.

➔ Cleaning my space

This means going through and getting rid of anything that doesn’t spark joy. I managed to do this a bit in the living room the other day and it felt so good! Now imagine if I did that for a whole room. A whole apartment?! Okay, I’m going to slow it down a bit. Baby steps. But truly, clean your space, clean your mind. At least, I’m really hoping how this is going to work.

This also includes replacing light bulbs. Had to throw that self reminder out there for myself. Cause honestly, I know how stubborn I can get. I irritate myself all the time with it. Like yo, these bulbs need to be changed!

I also want to go back to melting a wax melt before bed/at bed time. I associate a lot of feelings and memories with song and scent. I also got an aromatherapy set for review and I’m wondering if I want it in the bedroom or in the office.

Which I told myself when I moved here that I would have a section in the office of all things zen. A space that can provide me with some calm and clarity. So, I really need to work on bringing that out.

➔ Truly let go of those in my life who also don’t spark joy

I recently discovered someone who was important to me blocked me and that’s fine, if that’s how you feel, that’s how you feel. I can’t tell someone how to feel and vice versa. But it did remind me that I was holding on to a memory, an idea, a someone that I use to know and I think one of the most painful things we will experience in life over and over again is that sometimes the people who are the most close to us can grow into someone we don’t know. That realization feels a lot like abandonment and manipulation; but people are allowed to grow into whoever tf they want, when they want.

In addition to that: when people show you what they think of you, believe them the first time. If it doesn’t align with your values, your vibe, then cut them off too. Those truly close to you won’t badger and tell you what to do with your life or time. People these days lack the ability to just fuckin listen. They also lack empathy and compassion. That’s their problem, not yours.

➔ Take time to show up

I have a ton of friends who will jump up to remind me I’m dope af. I’m funny. I’m pretty. I’m cute. That I’m strong and I take chances and no shit from others (typically). But I have a hard time telling myself these things and believing it. We are our insecurities. As I age and since I was pregnant I’ve grown to hate my face and my skin more and more. I don’t know how to put on foundation that makes me look airbrushed, no matter how hard I try.

I use to be obsessed with this thing I’d do from time to time I’d call Project Pretty and yes, most of the time it did build my confidence doing these challenges. But no matter how many times I tell myself NOW that I’ll do this, I can’t seem to find the time. I barely have time to sleep properly. But I really want to make more of an effort to show up everyday this week. That means if I decide to just do my hair — that’s fine. If I decided to do my makeup just because — that’s fine. I use to have a makeup routine that took me 4 mins to do before work every day. I need to find another quick easy look like I did then.

The goal is to boost my self confidence. And I hate that I’m placing so much of that on physical appearance but hey, we’re transparent here right?

What are some things you’d want to start doing as an act of self care this week?

3 Ways To Protect Your Energy

For this weeks Monday Mindful Manifestation I wrote about how people with toxic energy can impact your own energy. Protecting your energy is incredibly important, especially now with how much negativity is floating around. The world is in a weird place and it’s bringing out the worst in some people. Today in Texas isn’t a very good day. We’re still in freezing temps and a lot of us don’t have power or water. I’m doing my best to keep all of the devices charged and put fresh batteries in Tums’ night lights. And of course I have candles to light up the whole dang apt if I needed to. So I’m trying my best to keep things that make me happy close by.

Here’s 3 ways I protect my energy;

| Surround yourself with things that lift your spirits

For me it’s a favorite candle or wax melt lit around me while I read and a cup of iced coffee. It’s music that makes me feel good. It’s sight, sense, smell and hearing of all things that make me happy. It’s walking around Target by myself. It’s taking myself to eat at my favorite place. It’s stepping into a book store. I’m attracted to books, pretty colors and cute pastries. I know that sounds super simple.

But find the “super simple” things that bring you joy and spend time there when you feel like you need to re-balance yourself.

| Do one thing that puts you in a meditative state

I took up adult coloring books a few years ago and didn’t realize it could be used as a form of meditation, but I did have a lot of fun with it and I loved how all my pages ended up. I’m not sure why I stopped.

But I did discover there were adult coloring book apps! And that’s been super fun. I’ve been working on shading and lighting with it. I love that they offer different brush textures without actually physically having them. And watercolor is definitely less messy lol.

Another thing I do is play video games; I loveeee gathering and crafting in any game. I’m so use to knowing where my mats (materials) are on the FFXIV map that I use very little thinking power to get through gathering then back to my house in game and craft. I usually put on music and it’s just a super relaxing process for me. I enjoy it so much and I feel much better after awhile (plus making money on an MMORPG is never a waste of time lol).

Same with Animal Crossing New Horizon; the fact we can now gather and craft is THE BEST THING to me. But also pulling out weeds or fishing. I LOVE fishing on video games as well.

I’ve lost my touch on actually meditating and it’s pretty hard to get back into when you don’t live alone anymore and there’s a toddler running around. So I’ve had to find other ways to meditate that makes it look like mommy’s freakin busy ok?

But this can literally be anything to anyone; cleaning, lifting, running, find the thing that helps you.

| Call up a friend who makes you feel like your soul just hit refresh

My person is my brother ThisWae or Sean, as I know him. There’s just something about being around him and his energy that makes me feel like my energy just hit refresh. And people can say what they want about him/how he appears but this dude seriously has helped me through so much; from encouraging me to learn to meditate, constantly encouraging me to get up and work, for reminding me that he thinks I’m dope af every time I feel like the world doesn’t need me. And he’s suggested books and podcasts and all kinds of things to help me with my mental health. Oh, and he’s always ready to get up in someone’s face the second they say anything bad about me.

I also have my girls, who are always there to make me laugh and let me vent until I’m out of air if I needed to.

But if you don’t have people like that in your life (cause I’ve been there too); if you have a favorite streamer or youtuber whos content puts your in a better mood or a tv show, that also is a helpful boost.

I’ve even gone as far as going through the people I follow on social media and made sure my feed is one that bursts with creativity and positivity. Even making little changes like that make a difference.

| Stick to your boundaries

Bonus, and the most important one.

When it comes to your space and your energy, it’s important to keep your boundaries. I know this can be hard because sometimes eliminating the people who feel toxic and make you feel drained and foggy may be family members. And you may want to stay out of drama; but being around people who feel like they suck the energy out of you isn’t good either. All it does is build irritation and resentment, especially if you’re aware.

Boundaries are especially important now during this pandemic since it’s becoming clear who takes covid seriously and who doesn’t. Who has you and your family’s best interest at heart and who doesn’t. It’s not worth risking the health of you and your family to “keep peace”.

YOU are YOUR first priority; cause at the end of the day, at the end of this life, it’s just going to be you, your thoughts and the choices you made. No one is going to be with you six feet under buried with you.

So make sure that this life, the only life we get, is as clear of negativity as much as possible.