I don’t feel not enough as much as I use to, I still feel like I don’t do enough but I myself feel enough for me, anyway. I need to remind myself that everything on my to do list doesn’t have to all be crossed off. That’s what tomorrow is for. Or later. As long as I get as much done today, that is enough.
The kiddo’s toys is taking up lots of space, granted this is her room. Well half and half my office but it’s hard to literally split things like this in half. She does try her best to keep her side tidy when I ask her to, and really what more can you ask of a 2 year old lo. But this room does need some organizing, for sure.
I honestly can’t believe how fast January is already, we’re mid month at this point and I’m super excited for the changes ahead!
If you haven’t noticed I changed the blog name; I’ve been wanting to for about a year now ever since my husband’s sisters stalked my Twitter. I’ve changed the name a few times but I honestly couldn’t think of something to settle into.
I know I wanted to convert this space to the two things that mean the world to me: Disney and words.
I somehow fell back into book blogging and I forgot how much I truly missed it. It always feels like being part of something bigger than yourself. Having all these worlds to fall into and live in for 300 pages at your fingertips. And ironically I’m finding that a subject I’ve always wanted to get into but never did is now something I look for: Historical Fiction. Time travel and paraell universe reads have always been a weakness but I’ve never read an entirely just Historically Fiction book until this year. And I feel like I’ve been missing out!
I know Disneyland still has no plans to re-open any time soon and that my love and my home Disney World IS open. I’m hoping to be able to get there some time this year so I can start posting Disney content; until then I guess it’s just other types of Disney content!
I hope this new name gives me a new start that I’m hoping for and encourages me to stop censoring myself.
Welcome to 2021’s first Monday Mindful Manifestation!
I’m actually writing this on Sunday morning and it’s snowing and still really sleepy, but I’ll get to that later this week.
I decided to switch it up a bit. Sometimes I’ll do things I want to manifest for that week and other times I want to try out affirmations. I know they can sort of be the same thing, but just a little more different. More direct, I feel like. It’s only the 11th day of 2021 and although a lot has happened in the world, I feel like I’m failing myself. Weird flex, I know.
This week I want to remind myself that I do have time to do the things I love.
I’m so bad with managing my time and with doing chores before anything and everything else. Which you know, isn’t that bad esp when you have a toddler and a husband. I feel like this place never stays clean somehow. I’m also convinced that straight men don’t care too much about having clean environments. And as someone with OCD, this drives me bat shit crazy.
I’ve been trying to block out time during my day to read and to do other things I want to do; and some days I’m able to and other days I’m not. I really need to be better at that.
Every year for the last 6 years I’ve done #OneLittleWord; unfortunately the graphic program I used to make my previous ones has decided to just… disappear. I knew the day would come lol. So this year I created my own graphic.
I don’t know how I feel about it. But here it is.
My #OneLittleWord for 2021 is Courage.
Courage; to do the things I’ve recently been aware I’m re-afraid to do. Courage; to convince myself the lies my mind, my anxiety and my OCD tell me are false. Courage; to heal properly, even if getting there will hurt like hell. Courage; to see my friends and family again. Courage; to BE better cause Tums deserves the very best side of me.
The courage to finish writing a book. The courage to really go in on blogging and content creating. The courage to go back to school and finish my final year and get my BA in Communications, how much of a game changer that will be. The courage to stand up for myself, knowing I’m standing alone. The courage to remind myself of who I am because how can my oldest friends know and I sit here and act like I don’t?
I spent 2019 in the dark and I spent 2020 in a hazy fog. I’m finally feeling myself reach the less foggy area’s of the things that have recently happened. But even when I’m in the clear, the fight isn’t over. The fight is never over, it just changes. And that’s fine. My life would be boring if I never had to fight something.
My boundaries and my roots are incredibly important to me, and I will make that loud and clear in 2021. And this time no one is going to stand in my damn way.
I debated on doing one of these this week; Christmas/New Years week always feels like some really weird in between gray area. I lose sense of time, of what day it is. Even with a strict list of what posts are suppose to go up this week all I can think of is but I really just want to sleep. It’s been cold af here in TX and I’m not living for it. I hate the cold. So much.
There aren’t many links I’ve discovered this week but I am having fun reading everyone’s yearly recap posts and 2021 goals posts! So if you have one please link it below in the comments, I’d love to read yours!
Cnet talks about 6 Useful Amazon Echo Tips You Should Be Using; My dad gifted me my Echo Dot the year before he passed away. And he was so excited for me to have it. We use it for almost everything in this household. I even got an Echo Show for my bedroom and planning to get a Kid’s Echo Dot for the office/Tums playroom!
Fast Company is talking about The 26 Best New Apps of 2020; I’m always on the hunt for a good app to fall in love with — though I really need to organize my ISO’s. But we’ll talk about that part later.
I signed up to be a contributor at ThriveGlobal; It’s been a goal of mine for awhile to publish writing. I just… don’t know what to write about. They have a ton of interesting articles covering a bunch of different subjects.
Shealea from Shut Up, Shealea (interesting blog name for sure) talks about 23 Books by Filipino authors; I’ve been trying to add more Filipino authors as well as learn more about my culture in 2021. There’s a lot I don’t know and there’s a lot of differences when you learn about it from a Philippines versus Western stand point. I want to be able to educate and expose T to as much of her Filipino culture as I can and as someone who’s first gen Filipino American, I worry a lot of the things I was exposed to will be lost since I don’t have those certain roots to the Philippines itself. I try to speak Tagalog and Cebuano to her as much as I can but it’s not enough for her to pick up, I don’t think. Which also worries me.
The downside to the holiday being over? Putting the holiday decor away. Ugh lol.
How was your week? Did you find any cool links around the web?
2020 has showed us a lot of things about ourselves, our surroundings, our company we keep and about society. There are a lot of things I still carry around with me that I shouldn’t. That I don’t need to. Pain is hard to cope with. Loss is even harder. I’m the type to cling on to the darkness because the light just means what goes up must come down. And you can’t go down if you’re already there.
But I also need to remember; I’m not some broken teenager with a notebook full of secrets. I’m not that girl who constantly wished for someone to notice her and love her just as she is. I’m not searching for someone to fill a void in my life anymore.
Cause I love myself more than anyone could ever love me. Except maybe my mom and my daughter and my cat. I learned that I don’t need some dude to make me feel my worth because I know my worth. And at times I tend to forget. 2020 made the heavy things even heavier, and I’m tired of carrying it all around with me.
I’m not one to actually fully heal from anything. I kind of just store it away and pull it out from time to time. So I’m not entirely sure I’m capable of healing. But hey, there’s a first time for everything, right?
I have a tendency to ask my friends whenever it seems like they’re stuck at a fork in the road: if this was your life one year from today, would you be happy?
My bro has a habit of throwing the same question at me sometimes: but what do YOU want?
What day is it? Cause I swear all week I’ve been behind 2 days at a time. How that’s possible? I have no freakin idea but as the parent of a toddler? Yeah, it definitely happens.
I was struggling with my mental health and with expressing myself. I just love how the closer we get to Christmas the more anxiety, dread and just I really don’t wanna be here/do this right now feeling comes back. I had the weirdest dream last night that my husband had some “small work party” yet it was like people were all over our 3 story mansion. I couldn’t even sneak away before someone else notices. I was going somewhere with this but I literally just dozed off writing that last sentence.
Hai guys, it’s now 1pm and I’m awake. I don’t remember writing any of that shit last night. But here we are lol.
I can’t believe Christmas is in a few days. I always feel like Christmas comes too fast. I still want to bask in the peppermint everything and the lights!
I tried to do OOTD photos for hazearella + having photos to post reviews about a clothing haul I did. That’s a Peppermint Marshmallow shake from Shake Shack. It was ok. This hoodie is from Shein and it’s cozy af. I love it. I just wish it had pockets. T is wearing a bunny raincoat I got her last Spring for Easter, it’s still super big on her. Thank goodness.
I’m still working on a title for this, suffer with me.
Also I never know what word is and isn’t capitalized in titles sometimes, so yes, also suffer that with me lol.
This week has been draining; I don’t know how SAHM’s do it. For years. Cause I’m ready to go back to work — happily!! I love my kid and the only reason why I’m so hesitant to go back to work is because I don’t have anyone here that I trust to watch her if I do work. My brother has been asking me what do I want in life lately and I wish it was that easy to say this or that and do it like I use to. I hate the idea of marriage because I don’t feel free. I don’t feel like I can be myself whole and unapologetic. And I hate it.
This week has also been a trip. A reality slap into well, reality. Things I can’t really talk about cause I feel like nowhere is even safe anymore. But it absolutely shook my foundation and I wasn’t expecting that to happen, at all. But it also went without explanation and a lot of reflecting. But hey, that’s life, right?
I’ve also been enjoying these homemade Peppermint Mocha’s, still have yet to get my red cup from Starbucks for this year. But at the same time… I’m not at all in the holiday spirit. I was, but now I’m not and it sucks. You’d think that having a kid and 3 tree’s in the house would idk, make it feel less empty I guess? But I’m right back to where I started. Granted I shouldn’t let other people change my mood or my intention for the holiday and yet I always do. Next year will be happier, I hope.
I’ve been missing my friends so fiercely lately. It makes my heart hurt even more when they say they miss me. I’m counting down the days until I see them all again and get my millions of hugs I requested from them. I did end up swapping gifts with a few of them — who have all said they weren’t going to open their’s until I got mine/on Christmas.
Found my favorite Sour Cherry candy from 8th grade!! I use to smack on these so hard and it would piss my cousin off lol. This is one of those childhood Dollar Tree finds. It’s been years since I saw these!
I got my clothing haul from Shein, and I’m trying to figure out how to do a haul video? Post? Idk. Clothing and me are so weird. Tums is wearing her Easter raincoat I got her from last Spring, it surprisingly still fits her. She also got to take her rainboots out of the house for the first time! Really wish I could find those baby shoes that light up that aren’t rainboots. Toddlers are impossible to take photos of. Goodness.
Speaking of; she got 3 new plushies yesterday at Game Stop. She also has been stacking things like crazy all over the apartment. I randomly find things stacked on things so nice and neatly. And she stole my eggroll while I was on the phone with my friend. Which is weird cause the box was right in front of me and I was looking in that direction the whole time?? Toddlers are sneaky.
My friend and I have always came up with like… secret club names. I don’t know why. We’ve always been this way. We started with MOD (which we should had taken more seriously), then with oG_3 and now like 18 years later (shit we’re old) we have MAS. It’s just what we do. But it’s nice having bits of the week feel like we’re just two teenagers on the phone feeling like high school all over again — until one of our children cries. Then that whole thing is just SHATTERED lol.
And some smaller things to note this week; I got my clammie of Department Store Santa from Honey Soda Co which I LOVE. I really need to post my hauls/reviews of her stuff cause they’re some of my favs from this year. But this scent literally makes my room smell like Starbucks in December. No joke. Not even “slightly” like SPOT FREAKN ON. It’s amazing.
I spotted some super fancy chocolate bars at Central Market. These always interest me but they’re also so expensive. I think this bar was like $9. That’s a dang investment lol. Some day I’ll do a taste test video. Maybe whenever JR gets to Texas! That’ll be fun!
I also finally, after like 4 months, got sushi. And you wouldn’t believe how hard it is to find Udon around here?! Like we have Ramen places for days but Udon? Not so much.
I’m in a such a depressed mood today, ah. I’m really hoping I can cheer up before bed and do something productive that my future self can thank me for lol.
If there’s anything I look forward to every month it’s finding new favorites. And Amazon’s list for First Reads. It’s been awhile since I wrote a Favs list, and these were one of my favs to write!
November felt like it flew by, but then again most months do despite 2020 feeling like five years long. How that’s possible is beyond me but it’s 2020, things aren’t making sense that much around here.
I don’t have a quote or anything for this week’s MMM, it’s just something that I was talking about with a friend. But it’s also something that’s been reoccurring here on my blog since I started MMM.
I want to manifest the ability to not be upset about comments about me that I know aren’t true.
I don’t know if it’s just the weather, the season, the depression… but my emotions have been heavy and harder to manage even with medication. I wish there was some magic way to gracefully ignore the things people say to and about you if you KNOW it’s not at all true. But I tend to feel and get in my feelings way too much. So things hurt longer and harder than they probably should.
I know I won’t achieve this in a week or even in a month. I’ve never really been too good at ignoring or letting go of certain things (my mom and bro-ko love to remind me I need to) but it is something I want to learn or control better.
I KNOW who I am, and things like this just make me feel like I don’t. It’s such a conflicting thing, for sure. But hopefully I can make moves, no matter how small, to get closer to this goal.