Hey, I'm Hazel!
I'm a first time mama to a very active insanely smart toddler. I'm a self taught graphic and design artist. I live, breathe and manifest Disney life. A former Walt Disney World Cast Member who somehow ended up in Texas and is constantly dreaming of warm weather and people who actually know how to drive in the rain.
I'm a bookworm who once had a successful book blog and loves to review and word vomit all things books. A lover of words and a bit of a shutterbug. A lifelong gamer as well as a complete and total foodie. My brain is 60% thoughts of food, 20% my anxiety, 10% content ideas and 10% everything else.
I was diagnosed with mild anxiety, OCD and depression in 2006; I was in therapy for 8 years with a fantastic therapist. In 2014 I had a massive mental breakdown which resulted in me giving in and taking meds. A divorce followed right after that. I ended up back on meds in 2019 cause apparently every mother in law I've had has a problem with me, this one however wants the whole world to know. Zoloft controls my anger for me.
Oh I'm also madd sarcastic. Dry dark humor is my jam. And yes on bad days I go back to 90's rap of Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg. Eminem when I'm really struggling.
Grab a fizzy drink, a snack and an anti anxiety cure of your choice and stay awhile!
This Fall has been… very insightful so far. Very, very… insightful. And life can throw us a ton of curve balls as well as drop us in the darkest of places with no idea on how to get tf out.
But for the first time in a long time, I’m fine this Fall. November can be a hard month for me so I fill it with being nonstop busy. Doing NaNoWriMo, going to school, picking up a ton of reading challenges. Anything that gives me no room to be idle in November. But this year I want nothing more than just that. To be idle. I wish I could talk more about why but it’s not something I want to get into just yet.
This week I’m hoping to get some catching up done. As well as packing for my trip. Setting plans on when I’ll see my friends when I’m in Florida and putting up the holiday stuff on my Etsy and my shop. I wish I could stay in Florida longer than just 3 days. But it’s better than nothing. I’ll be back soon!
This week I want to manifest patience. In trusting the universe and the process. In having the ability to focus and stay in my lane. Amazing things can happen if you give yourself the chance to manifest them.
Welp, just like that 2021 is almost over. It’s actually cold af here in Texas today. It’s raining and 48*. Crazy. I’ll be mad if we get snow soon. Like, can you not. This month is sort of busy, but I always feel like November usually is. If I don’t brick my time right I won’t get anything done this month so I have to be very careful. But I’m sure it’ll get away from me as always lol.
November is when my seasonal depression really kicks in. And this year feels like it’s gonna be intense. I’m already curled up blogging and listening to my old AOL jams, that’s where the feels come from.
I don’t have much on my goals list for this month since I have a few things happening this month.
| Get in the Christmas spirit
I have this love/hate history with Christmas. I love getting ready for Christmas but I’m not a fan of Christmas itself too much. I did skip Halloween this year, I just wasn’t feeling it. I managed to get the little tree’s up in the office and my room before Halloween even came around, just not the bigger tree. But I really want to try and do more Christmasy things this year. Esp since T is a lot more aware of her surroundings.
| Get started on Christmas shopping
I don’t really struggle with this one but I like to stay on top of it and mail my gifts out before December. Thankfully I don’t have many people to buy gifts for, perks of being part of a smaller family. My focus is usually on my kid and my childhood friends. Sometimes my mom cause she doesn’t like much and I’m finding my brother is probably my fav to shop for cause he likes cooking so I spend loads of time at Williams Sonoma… for you know… research…. lol
| Design holiday products for the shop
I’ve been struggling with this since October. You’d think Winter/Christmas themed stuff would be super easy to come up with. But they’re really not. And a lot of my product ideas are Tagalog ones lol. Fml.
| Purge/sell books
I skipped both Owlcrate subscriptions this month and it’s the first year I’ll be missing out on the reading planner — but I really can’t justify a box every single month. Most of the time the book is one I wouldn’t be interested in. I know the whole idea is that it’s a surprise, but sometimes it would be nice to know.
That said; I’ve decided to let go of the books I literally don’t intend to pick up/read. I’m trying to minimize my stuff and this is a really good place to start.
| Do/see as much as I can at Disney
I’m excited to be able to see Disney this holiday season. I didn’t spend too much time at the parks at night during the holidays when I was there.
I’m also going to be staying at Universal, which a few of my good friends work there now — but it also is already giving me flashbacks of what was the most fun date I’ve ever had in my life with a guy who turned out to be a huge jerk. But the memory was still really good. We’d spend late nights at City Walk and running around all the resorts doing the dumbest shit.
I’m also hoping this trip will bring back my inspo cause TX ain’t the place for it. Super excited to be home for awhile ❤️.
What are some things you’re hoping to achieve this month?
This Fall/Winter fuckery in TX is really throwing me off and making me feel drained and cold. Two things I do not like! I tried going to the gym yesterday in my complex and there were kids fucking around in there being hella loud and taking up all the machines to just play on them. Then they went outside to smoke Black & Milds. Literally thought I moved AWAY from this type of shit. So I ended up just walking around the complex and to 711 for snacks. Granted the complex is huge, so it’s fine. Plus it was super nice outside. It made me miss chillen with my friends back home.
Go get that degree, focus on me.
There’s something comforting about a friend, or whatever telling you to focus on them when you’re trying to change a situation in your life. And even though I’m not friends with said dude that this reminds me of, still glad he was there when he was. Random memory.
I’m hoping to get caught up with blogging and a bit of reading this week. I should aim to put new products up on the shop but honestly… I haven’t opened Procreate in like 2 weeks. I’m stumped when it comes to holiday ideas. It should be WAY EASY to come up with something but my mind is just blank. I also have to get ready for our trip to Orlando — I’m hoping I pick up some inspo while I’m here. I miss Orlando so much.
This week I’m manifesting;
More energy by hopefully setting a regular sleeping schedule (as much as I can). The energy to catch up on Nov blog posts and work on my core/ab work outs. I’m not trying to pull my back on the trip!
I really wish I had kept up with this features more this month! I really try to find a balance between my shop, blogging and motherhood. And trying to sleep, that part usually suffers.
I found some really cool posts around the web this week I want to share before Halloween!
| Sarah guest posted on Laurenyloves 5 ways to celebrate Halloween that isn’t trick or treating; this is a fun list if you’re out of idea’s on what to do on Halloween or prefer to just stay home.
| To follow that up cupcakesandcouscous posted 6 easy Halloween cookie idea’s along with a recipe for a basic vanilla cookie dough!; I really need to start using my KitchenAid. It’s like I want to but it’s so intimidating! I’d love to give this a try!
| Kate at yourtitakate posted a Undas book tag challenge; October is also Filipino American History Month and I wish I had known that, I haven’t put up very many Filipino American posts. For some reason they’re hard to write about esp when you’re far from your family. So I tend to stalk Kate’s social’s to remedy that. It is what it is lol.
| I came across a post on ThePlainSimpleLife on 10 tips how to declutter before a move; I always intend to do this and run out of time. I really want to make this a completed project before the new year!
I can’t believe October is already over! If you found any cool or useful links feel free to share them below!
I was scrolling through NetGalley last night and it occurred to me that the books I’m interested in now are things I have always wanted to read but just never picked up. Meanwhile the things I use to inhale are things I don’t even reach for or think about anymore.
I started getting into YA in 2006 after I read Twilight. I had just left my job (for my mental health) and I was waiting to board my plane for a birthday trip to Vegas with my then boyfriend (who is now my ex husband). I remember reading it on the plane (I usually sleep) and I didn’t pick it up again until we flew home. Then that week I pretty much finished the series. I didn’t pick up another YA book until 2009 when he left for the Airforce. I needed something to take up my time and distract me from the fact he was gone (we were literally together every day for years so this was really hard for both of us; and honestly after that relationship I was never really able to stand being with some daily, but that’s another thought for another post lol).
I started with the Sweep series and that’s when I started a book blog with my sister (in law) Marissa. We both read YA and we would sit in B&N and pick a pile of books to skim through, swapping with each other. My ex would usually read like.. computer or fitness books or something. And at the time I was actually a beauty blogger/youtuber. I noticed books were kind of taking over my channel so I kind of decided to just make a whole different channel then I made my own blog to follow. And that’s when everything changed. I miss those days of no IG or worrying about stats or followers.
I started getting tons and tons of books for review. I was lucky enough to work with Scholastic, Penguin Teen, Harper Teen… I got to do a campaign for Every Day by David Levithan and Splintered by AG Howard. And for a long time my preferences were YA paranormal, contemporary, Fairytale Retellings, Middle Grade, Erotica and Chick Lit. Along the way I discovered Dystopia and books with gothic elements were fun. I wasn’t really a mood reader though, I could pick up any one of these genres and finish the book perfectly fine.
I feel like now that I’m older and maybe because I have such limited time to myself, if I’m dreading picking the book back up or if I just seem to forget about it then it’s a DNF. I mention this a few times but 2021 has been the year of finally getting into Historical Fiction for me. And I’m pretty excited about it. I always wanted to get into it but my mind would always travel to “well there’s that new hot release I should review…” and I think now that I can ENJOY books without feeling like I have this stack that are waiting to be reviewed, I can take as long as I want reading anything I want.
These days I’m likely to pick up Historical Fiction, YA paranormal (bonus if it’s with gothic elements), Middle Grade, Fairytale retellings re still my weakness. I try to pick up a Chick Lit book esp if it’s from an auto buy author for me but I don’t find myself reaching for them as much as I use to. I don’t find myself picking up witch fiction much either even though I’m still drawn to them.
This was just something I randomly thought of as I was scrolling through NetGalley and realizing I was skipping over books I would had normally reach for!
Have you noticed your reading habits have changed over the years? Or have they mostly stayed the same?
I tend to forget I control my life. No one else does and no one else has the right to.
That just because I’m not happy with where I am, doesn’t mean it’ll be like this forever and to work for the life I want. I told myself that I wouldn’t let someone else stop me from doing the things I want anymore and I really need to remind myself of that this week.
I’m capable of anything and I need to stop selling myself short!
Sorry ya’ll, I’m not a horror junkie. I hate scary shit. I hate being scared, I get ridiculously pissed off when I’m scared.
I do however love gothic fantasy. Paranormal elements. Things like that, as long as it’s like… you know… not creepy. There’s such a fine line when it comes to that. So here’s my safe seasonal movies lol! I really thought I had more but I don’t. I’m not a huge Hocus Pocus fan so that’s why that’s not on my list.
| The Nightmare Before Christmas
This is a must. But it’s also a must year round. I usually start playing the intro song around the time I start prepping for Halloween. Which is usually in July. I love that this movie can apply to both Halloween AND Christmas. My favorite scene has to be the intro when he’s The Pumpkin King. I wish that got a bit more screen time!
| Return to Oz
Okay I guess this one is seriously up for debate on if it’s spoopy or fuckin creepy af. Lucky for me, I grew up watching this movie and I still watch it — it’s my “bad day” movie. I have a lot of very sentimental memories with this movie and my Lolo (grandpa). Doesn’t help that maybe Mombi and The Wheelers are my fav. Next to TikTok.
I do hear that this movie CAN be terrifying and I guess I can see why. It’s like a darker Wizard of Oz. The Gnome King really freakin annoys me though. Like, the audacity of this guy. I have so many favorite parts of this movie I don’t even know where to begin! As a kid I always thought the Lunchbox Tree was cool. Like if that was a real thing. Wish they had went a bit more into who Mombi and Ozma were.
I grew up watching this one. Ironically it wasn’t the witches that scared me. Or his weird sketch grandma. It was the girl who grows old in the painting. Even as an adult that part still sends goosebumps up my arm. But like I said, I grew up watching this so I have some fond memories of catching this one live on TV! Lowkey miss when there was a certain time certain things came on.
To be fair the acting in this one isn’t top notch and there’s a lot of things that don’t make sense. Like weren’t they children once? But whatever, I guess.
So that’s my very short list of my top 3 spoopy movies!
Ooh look what’s back this week! Idk if it’s Mercury Retrograde but this weekend has been flooded with a few hard hitting realizations.
Sunday was World Mental Health Day and USUALLY I have some well thought out post on social media and my blogs but this weekend I was just… I had the worst creative block. And a sneezing fit. But that’s different.
And if I could grant you peace of mind, would it be enough?
Something about this segment that seems to repeat itself through out Hamilton lives rent free in the front of my mind lately, not just that but it strikes a cord with me.
I struggled a lot growing up. I was shy because I was insecure. I was insecure because I was never encouraged; I was encouraged by my Lolo but he passed away when I was 9 and I had nothing after that. I was told a lot of hurtful things growing up that undermined my intelligence, my perception of myself being a good person, my beauty, my anything. Anything you could think of. I spent a lot of my childhood depressed and feeling worthless. I TRULY DEEPLY felt like I was a waste of space. That everyone in my life would be so much better off and happier without me bringing them down or getting in their way.
I still carry these insecurities with me. I’m MUCH more aware of them and it only took me 30-something years to realize most of them were far from true. Here’s the thing though — you could be 110% aware that something isn’t true about you. But because it was drilled into your head that it “is true” you start to doubt yourself. DESPITE KNOWNING that it’s not true.
I had refused to wear shorts and skirts and dresses until I was 31. And I fuckin lived in Florida. I refused to be outside of my house in anything less than a tee shirt. I hated my legs, I hated my shoulders, I hated my collarbone. I hated that I was flat chested. I couldn’t understand why anyone would truly be attracted to me. At 13 I started thinking about suicide. At 14 I met my really sweet friend Dru. He was adorable and popular and he was really sweet and kind. And I was like, in love with him for awhile, I asked him out like 5 times and he said no every single time. It’s cool, I never held it against him. And honestly we’ve been really close friends for the last 21 years, so.
I have so many memories of him convincing me that I’m worth something. That my life is mine to make. And even now 21 years later he still reminds me he needs me here. This year I’ve been reminded that people really fuckin love me. People really fuckin support me. I have the MOST amazing friends a girl could ask for.
This is getting way longer than I thought it would.
My friends have played a huge part in helping me build myself back up.
Just stay alive, that would be enough
I caught COVID in May and the amount of friends who would check up on me, who sent me get well gifts… was touching. I know my friends love and care about me, but I guess I just didn’t really think about how much I meant to them. This year has been reminders of exactly that and it’s something I’ve needed.
This week I want to manifest that everything I think I am, I am. I want to stop selling myself short.
I’m gonna go ahead and say that this is gonna cover half of November as well. With my seasonal late ass.
| Visit a Pumpkin Patch
This has been on my Fall Bucket List forever. Some day I’ll actually go to one. You’d think there were a ton in Texas, but for some reason there really aren’t that many in my area.
| Eat Disney Fall Snacks
I’m celebrating Halloween at Disney this year and I’m SO EXCITED. It’s been years since I last have and I CAN NOT WAIT. I already have a food wish list lol. Disney snacks are obvi my fav but Fall snacks even more. I’m so glad most of them aren’t exclusive to the Halloween party anymore!
| Do a Fall Photo Shoot
This sort of ties in with visit a Pumpkin Patch. There aren’t many places around me to take Fall photos; I may just have to do one while I’m at Disney instead! But I’ve always wanted to do one of those cliché Fall photo shoot’s people do! I’m still salty I didn’t get to take maternity photos like I wanted to! I’ve resolved that if I want to do something, I’m gonna have to do it and I’m responsible for making sure it happens.
| Bake Something Fall Themed
This is one that’s been on my list for a while now! I finally have a Kitchen Aid so I don’t see why this can’t be done this year. And I’m not talking cupcakes or cake or anything. I want to do something like Fall themed bread or a pie… something warm, cozy and comforting spices!
| Paint a Halloween Light
They have these at Michael’s where you pick a blank object to paint and it’s actually a table light! I don’t think Tums is old enough to do this one just yet, but I really want to start doing this myself. I don’t have many Fall/Halloween traditions, so I think this would be fun.
| Make Caramel Apples
I keep buying things to MAKE caramel apples but I end up eating all the supplies. I LOVE caramel apples, especially the ones from Disney. I use to work at Candy Cauldron so I know HOW to make Disney caramel apples lol. I just need to stop eating everything before getting there. And I need to find the right kind of caramel!
| Read Spooky Books
My Halloween Reading Challenge falls into this one! But I tend to set aside most spooky books for October!
| Decorate for Fall
I usually start this one in July, I live in places where it doesn’t get cold until December so it doesn’t really matter how early I start. However this year I haven’t even started yet. I just haven’t been in the Fall mood for some reason this year. Granted most Fall seasons in TX haven’t really been that great and have sort of been taken away from me. But I plan to decorate for Fall/Thanksgiving pretty soon.
| Light all the Fall scented candles
This one’s a given but still deserved to be on this list. Thankfully I haven’t gone crazy on the Fall scented candles or wax melts this year!