I’m not going to go into the whole backstory of this one, I thought I would but it’s a bit irrelevant and I’m sure no one actually cares. Just know that I was best friends with this guy since we were 14, he stopped me from committing suicide, he was the first guy I ever asked out and he rejected me. We stayed friends after that cause I’m not some butt hurt ass bitch. We had a close friendship through the years and recently he admitted he liked me all these years despite saying no as kids. Excuse me, but that’s a bit hard to believe since you dated and were drawn to all the popular girls (since he was popular) and really didn’t seem to have any romantic interest in me until now? That we’re adults and you can’t seem to get anyone else to date you? Uh, okay, sure. If my gut is telling me that that’s hard to believe, then guess who I’m going to believe.
During my separation from my husband, I started dating this guy and very quickly, I realized a shit ton of things. But we’ll narrow it down to 4 main things.
| The grass isn’t always greener on the other side
Sometimes the grass is just… dead. I said what I said. People who flaunt their income like it’s a personality trait are kind of a red flag and though it sounds nice, it usually isn’t. And I learned that no amount of money is worth being treated like trash. I honestly think a part of me was drawn to this because I grew up with my mom throwing money at me over actually showing me love and empathy. I’m use to wanting money over feelings but since becoming a mom, I see how toxic and unhealthy that mindset is.
Money doesn’t make you a better person or a reliable parent. Period.
| Just because they’re your “best friend” doesn’t mean they’ll make a good partner
Just because they protect and care for you as friends, does not mean they’ll always care just as much about you as your partner. Sadly, I hate that I learned this was a thing because it makes me think our whole friendship of 25 years was a lie. Or wasn’t real. And it’s even more disappointing because in my head I thought if I ever ended up with this guy it would be everything I thought it would be; but in reality it was kind of Hell. It was NOTHING like I thought it would be and the way he treated me as his partner was the most fucked up thing… esp after I ended up pregnant, his disrespect was more constant.
| Love bombing is a weird ass drug
Love bombing paired with having a history with someone can really fuck you up. You want to believe that person is capable of giving you what you need emotionally because why wouldn’t they but you realize that not everyone is capable of simple things. Like loyalty or honesty or empathy. And to cover/hide that fact, they love bomb cause that’s probably as much as their emotional gauge can handle at one time.
Love bombing in itself is a toxic trait and it’s hard to see when you’re in it, esp if you’re trying to give the person the benefit of the doubt. I can’t blame myself for staying as long as I did, despite wanting to leave way before I even got pregnant. Love bombing is def unfair and it’s shitty that someone can do that to someone they claim to “love” and “care about”.
| If your gut is telling you something is wrong or off, TRUST IT
I don’t know why I don’t do this faster since I should be able to be more aware of this feeling… but I just don’t. However, there was a lot that was going on behind my back that I didn’t realize until he stayed with me. And it wasn’t just picking up a phone call from his ex and basically flirting with her for an hour in the other room either. But that def set things off and made me sense other things.
An apology without changed behavior is just manipulation.
I hope to next time be more aware or have much more solid boundaries. But this was definitely a huge learning lesson and wake up call for me!
God I’m so sorry he treated you this way. I don’t understand how someone could change so much after he got into a relationship with his best friend, but I think it’s probably that you were seeing the “real him”. The part that people only show those closest to them.
I can relate on dating a guy who bragged about his income. He promised me great things while simultaneously treating me like crap … even though it was short-lived, it took me almost a year to get over it. I got so stuck on who he seemed to be rather than who he really is.
The “on who he is verses who he seemed to be” can really mess with someone’s perception for sure. I feel like the whole 25 years of friendship wasn’t even real at this point.
I can only try to imagine. It sounds like he’s not good for anyone in a romantic relationship and maybe when the title is just friend he can act better. I’m sorry this happened. I don’t know why people can’t learn how to treat people.
A lot has to do with their upbringing, no doubt. And I guess no one teaching them that they’re being jerks. I guess common decency just isn’t so common and that’s really a shame… especially in situations like these sadly…