I couldn’t think of another title and that scene has been living rent free in my head for weeks. A lot has been going on here, mostly stuff I don’t talk about cause I don’t know how while still being “a blogger”. As much as I love how blogging has evolved over the years… I also hate it. I’m sure I’ve talked about this before.
I’m a clutter bug. I think it’s part of my OCD — to hoard things sometimes. I get it from my mama. No, foreal. But I try really hard to be as bad as she is. But I remember having stock piles when I still lived at home because I didn’t want to run out of something, esp if it was my favorite something. I let that habit go when I did the DCP because it was hard to get to the store and it was hard to keep up a stock pile and the apartments were so small. And this did tug at my soul a bit because of just how hard things were. But, I survived. I didn’t start trying to stock pile things again until the pandemic happened and everyone was buying out the disinfectant wipes — I literally can’t go a day without them. My OCD won’t let me.
Having a toddler also makes things look more… cluttered. And she cycles through toys so often that it gets overwhelming so this past weekend I finally went and got bookshelves so I can unpack my boxes of books. As well as tidy the shelves in the office and the closet. I’m still working on things but the space feels so much lighter already. I unhauled a ton of books that I need to go sell. I’m still a loss on what to do with her toys. She has this big bin for all the small stuff, and you’d think clean up would be easy. Just throw everything in. But some things she doesn’t want in there. she gets super particular which is fine, I can relate. I switched her play tent to face the other way and she about flipped tf out. She was crying and refused to come in her room. And that’s when I learned my daughter is a creature of habit, like I am.
I also ordered a bunch of candles I don’t need but wanted. I’m usually mostly drawn to Bath & Body Works candles but lately it seems like their prices have gone up while their quality has gone down. I’m finding that not even half way through the burn they’re already losing their scent/throw. So I bought some candles from DW Home since they released this years summer scents as well as some from Goose Creek. I also got Zeep Bath wax melts like I do every summer. Their stuff is some of my fav! I usually post about candle stuff on hazearella. If you’re into that stuff. I have the DW Home Salted Caramel Latte candle (that looks like an actual coffee cup) on my desk right now and it’s so strong lol. But I’m excited about the progress of purging things and sorting things.
I feel like ever since I took on this opening an Etsy shop thing everything else has taken a back seat. Which, is fine. I’ve been blogging almost my whole life, it’s kind of nice to be invested into something else for a change! I’ve been feeling a little discouraged lately, but it’s amazing how surrounding yourself with other creative people and people who really care about you can encourage you to do anything. Beyond MMM I’m a little lost at what else I want to post here. I do want to revamp my subjects.
I do know I need to do my May recap before June is over.
I’ve been back in my anxiety depressed funk. The fact I’m unhappy in TX is getting harder to ignore. I was suppose to go back to Disney for Halloween/Christmas but it doesn’t look like that’s happening — I hate the idea that I need someone elses approval to fuckin go somewhere. And even then I can’t take my kid with me? Like wtf. Suicidal thoughts are creeping into my head again and they’re annoying af. I don’t know who reads this blog so I can’t really… ugh. This is why I stopped posting on social media as much as I use to. Because people go looking for shit then get mad about what they find. And there’s nothing I hate more then being in a place where I feel like I have to censor myself and my feelings. Get out my bidness.
Tums has been jacking my lunch daily, like she is now while she drums on my desk. But she’s also been learning how to count to 3 and backwards from 3. She’s also starting to retain A-C. I’m pretty excited about that. A lot of it is just constant repetition which doesn’t bother me. I actually enjoy teaching her things. She’s so fun cause she gets excited about almost everything.
Literally motherhood has been my saving grace in Texas. Not to mention I feel like the fatigue part of getting COVID last month is still sticking around. Still mad I ended up getting COVID.
Maybe I’ll go take a nap.