Word Vomit | Stress + Ulcers

Covid is starting to get to me. The damn TX state is irritating me esp with this whole removing the requirement to wear masks when we haven’t even gotten vaccines to anyone who isn’t high risk yet. The weather out here is stressing me out. Bills, compulsive shopping, Toddler breaking everything stage, same shit different day shit is giving MY SOUL anxiety. Like I hate staying still. I get grumpy. And anxious and I feel like I’m wasting my life waiting which I’ve done way too much already.

I was suppose to be FREE.

FREE to do what I want. Go where I want. Spend my money how I want without someone breathing all down my neck. Free to tweet what I want?! I’m tempted to start another twitter account which sucks because I worked so hard on this one. I get that nothing is private on the internet and def not if you’re a blogger. You can’t hide from everyone. But man, I literally never felt like hiding from anyone on social media until I fuckin moved to Texas. Seriously, what is with some of the people here? I get this place is boring but I keep coming across ones who are so bored they do nothing but lurk and shit talk. Like damn, go watch your kid bruh.

I moved out here because I was stressed out in Florida; my abusive ex kept trying to find reasons to stop by my apartment and I’d ignore his calls/texts and he’d claim he had to come get his stuff. Or whatever damn reason he tired to come up with. I told him he can get his shit but he can’t come in and he’d start this whole fight and I’d refuse to respond all over again. I wasn’t obligated to care about his damn feelings but the fact he kept trying to stop by and tried to find reasons to come down to Orlando after telling me he hated the drive — well it got stressful.

I thought moving to TX would be better. I don’t fuckin know how or why, thinking back on it. I didn’t have family or anything here. I have a few friends scattered around but no one like super duper close to me. I’m pretty much alone here. It’s just me, Sophie, Tums, and Alexa. I don’t get lonely and I don’t get bored. I work on too many things to ever. But I miss my friends. I miss Disney. I miss the magic bubble I lived in. I miss humidity. I miss knowing that I could call a million people if I truly needed help in Florida. I miss amazing thunderstorms that don’t cause your power to go out over some thunder. I miss how easy it was to make friends in Florida (I’ve added like 3-4 of my Uber drivers on FB, just sayin, it’s not hard for me to make friends, but I can not make friends here).

I’m so much more stressed out and depressed here then I ever could had been in Florida. Sigh.

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