Monthly Favs | Nov 2022

Monthly Favs | Nov 2022

This year has been crazy. And by crazy I mean crazy.

The way the year began and the way it’s ending are totally different. As someone who thought they had learned a lot from past experiences, I still had a lot more to learn. I have learned a lot more.

There’s so much more I want to say… but I really don’t know how just yet. I’m trying to go back to focusing on the things that make me happy and feel gratitude.

| Family Dates

We started going on family dates. Well we would go out to lunch and it was Tums who would call it a family date. Super cute, right? I forgot that date nights usually meant date night gifts. Every time Bubba took me on an actual date night there would always be a gift waiting for me.

He also got me this self help book I wanted by Lin – Manuel Miranda literally ran into B&N 3 minutes before they closed and grabbed me this book because I was talking about it earlier that day. Super thoughtful.

| Comfort Foods

I was able to get L&L which is like an hour away. Not too far but far enough. They serve Tocino which is a Filipino breakfast plate (and one of my favs) so I got an order of that to go. Did I pick at it before sticking it in the fridge for the next day? HELL YEAH. Also got one of my fav L&L plates, the BBQ Chicken. I use to get this every single day after school. Oh the memories…

Upside to being married to someone who’s Mexican? Requesting things like Elote and Caldo when you’re in need of some soul comfort food. I love the way he makes Elote. It’s always so warm and comforting. I also love that requesting Caldo doesn’t get questioned.

Strawberry pancakes with whipped cream and strawberry sauce; “you two are the only people who will make pancakes a dessert and want it for breakfast”. Me and Tums do fight over them though lol.

Continue reading “Monthly Favs | Nov 2022”

Hello November

I gave up on these posts awhile ago because I was getting discouraged about not even feeling like setting goals. But if I want to get back to my old self, I’m going to have to make a change myself. I feel like I spent most of 2022 just worried and upset. I’m not sure how much of the year I can salvage and at least get a few goals checked off. But doesn’t hurt to try!

| Set up the Christmas tree

This should had already been done but it’s not. I did get a tree, I just haven’t cleared space to put it up yet. I plan to before Thanksgiving at least… hopefully it’ll help my mental health.

| Catch up on October Reading Challenge TBR

I’m so sad I spent most of Oct depressed and didn’t even start on any of my October Reading Challenge books. This is my favorite tradition for myself and I get so bummed when I skip a year.

| Bake something festive

Planning on putting my KitchenAid to use this season. Not sure what I’m going to bake just yet… but I really want to bake something this year.

| Disney+ movie night

Disenchanted comes out this month and I still need to watch the live action Aladdin as well as Mulan. I know, I’m super behind.

| Enjoy family days

Family days are a lot more fun now that Tums is a full on child. I mean it’s not fun when she wants half the store but it is fun to have days out with her. We have some family days I’m looking forward to this month that I’m pretty excited about. And some Christmas stuff we have planned for Tums (and let’s be real, me as well).

| Catch up on gaining needed weight

Because I spent most of this pregnancy depressed, I’m wayyyy behind on the weight gain part of it all. I barely ate in October and as my tummy grows and stretches, it’s starting to become incredibly uncomfortable. I’m trying to do what I can to spend the rest of this pregnancy calm and not stressed out so that the baby won’t be stressed out and the labor will *hopefully* be as easy as it was with Tums. Though I guess that would be asking for a lot at this point.

I really need to find a way to stop feeling horrible about myself and my situation. It’s obviously not the best and it’s not ideal and I sure as hell hate spending the holidays pregnant but it is what it is, the most I can do is learn from it and be more aware of other people and their intentions. No matter who they are or how long I’ve known them.

| Get a prenatal massage

I don’t know if it’s just because I’m older this time around but my back has been killing me more than usual… but mostly in the mid back and not the lower back that usually bothers me. I’m sure getting a nice prenatal massage would be really relaxing and I love the spa I would go to to get massages. They have this aromatherapy thing going on as well and it was always so relaxing. I really want to get back into doing monthly massages like I use to.

I’m hoping November will be a better month for me than October was.

What are some of your November goals?

Brain Dump | Where to even start…

This year has been crazy… and not really in the best kind of way.

Lying about things and keeping secrets isn’t something I do, ever. So it was hard for me to function after a while… the things I was holding in just grew heavier and heavier. I couldn’t really talk about it and I couldn’t write about it. Then things personally started getting worse and within that time frame I found and figured out my worth. What I would and would not ever stand for and I found that it doesn’t matter how long you’ve known someone, knowing them is something completely different. I would say I feel deceived but perhaps I need to re-evaluate my self toxic trait of being driven by emotion and find a way to be driven more by logic instead.

I filed for divorce earlier this year and that resulted in my 3 year old bouncing between houses. Which she seemed to cope with pretty well, though it started to get to the point where she would ask where her dad was or why wasn’t dad here. She asked me to spend Halloween with them which is fair, it’s my favorite holiday and my (ex) husband wouldn’t say no. The thing about him is that everything that had to do with this divorce was for it to work in my favor. I’m extremely lucky for that.

We separated earlier in the year; a few months later I found myself pregnant despite not really wanting any more kids. It was hard to hide my nausea and even harder to lie to my kid every time she asked if I “had a baby in my belly”. Meanwhile I found myself fighting more and more with the dad of his kid and all of it was just starting to weigh down on me. People close to me were telling me not to tell my husband because he would “for sure take full custody of our daughter” and so that fear stopped me from telling him even though I really wanted to.

Continue reading “Brain Dump | Where to even start…”

Books | My NetGalley TBR

I have fallen off the NetGalley wagon hardcore this year. Okay to be honest, the last few years. I’ve been sitting at 34% feedback rate for way too long and I really need to fix that! I’m hoping to bring that up in the next two months.

Here are 6 titles I’m hoping to get through before the end of October;

There’s been a lot of hype around Belladonna and The Book Eaters. I’m super excited to get into both of these titles the most. I do hear that The Book Eaters is a bit more than just… creatures eating books though. I haven’t heard too much about We Made it All Up but I seem to be drawn to titles with similar themes.

I’ll confess, I haven’t read Harry Potter. It came out when I wasn’t really into fantasy titles, so I always just skipped over it. I do like the movies and I hope to some day read the books. I’m really curious about The Psychology of Harry Potter since there’s so much that goes around about the books. I frequently go down rabbit holes when it comes to casually looking up The Hamilton’s so of course The Scandalous Hamiltons kind of caught my attention! I’m a sucker for all things Peter Pan. I have to many retellings though that made my DNF list. I think the only one I actually finished was Tiger Lily and that was years ago. Hooked looks interesting. It’s always a wonder what these villains did or what their lives could had been like.

I know 6 titles isn’t going to boost my feedback rate by much but hey, it’s a start!

Hello September

It’s iced coffee, cold brew, leggings all day, oversized sweaters and beanie weather.

If you know… you didn’t live in TX or FL.

Is that going to stop me? Hewl nah it’s not. I wait all year for this time of the year!

I’ve been SUPER inconsistent with my blogging and managing my business this year. I’m trying to give myself some grace considering all the other things that happened this year… and it’s a lot. I wish I could write about it cause I could really use some shadow work on some of this shit. But that’s going to have to go somewhere a little more private. I feel like I went from finding a solid potential balance late last year to completely destroying that myself this year. I am thankful however — very thankful — that my soon to be ex husband is understanding in the fact that I really want my time to myself. I never have to explain why I do, he doesn’t question it, he just knows I need it from time to time. So I’m endlessly thankful that he’s trying to make this divorce work in my favor. Possibly more in mine than in his. He’s not a bad person, deep down, we just weren’t right for each other. And that too is okay. Tums is loved by so many people and she has more than one place to call home. That’s all that matters.

We’re in the last quarter of 2022. That’s insane to think about. But it also makes me think what do I want to accomplish in these last few months of 2022.

I don’t really know lolol. I mean I have some goals but like I don’t have some solid plan. I figure I winged this year, I’ll just wing the rest of it. Sometimes the best things happen when you don’t plan them.

Continue reading “Hello September”

Brain Dump | At it again with this ish…

I’m craving a Tootsie Pop… and not even a flavor I typically reach for.

I know I said I wouldn’t do another one of these after the last one, but it seems like life had other plans for my time.

There’s a lot I still can’t say so I don’t know why I’m even writing this since it’s probably going to be pointless and cryptic… I guess to let you guys (who still read this) know I’m still here. Just not… here.

I can’t believe August is already over and Fall is right around the corner. I’m hoping to beat nausea soon so I can enjoy all the Fall snacks. It’s looking like this last part of 2022 isn’t going to fall into the places I had hoped it would… but maybe this is just a sign. I’m taking it as a sign at least and not calling this a loss. It’s just… on back order for lack of better phrase.

Continue reading “Brain Dump | At it again with this ish…”

Monthly Favs | June 2022

Monthly Favs | June 2022

I miss doing these posts and YouTube videos. It’s always nice to look back and see what your favorite things were throughout the year. I don’t think I discovered much “new” stuff in June, but I know I had a lot of favorites. Let’s jump right into it… before I get distracted lol.

Most of the list consists of food but you know what. That’s fine. We’re here for the foodie pics lol.

Red Bull

I definitely ended up kick starting my obsession with energy drinks again. But this time with Red Bull. Energy drinks usually don’t do anything for me but lately these have made me feel like I can do all the things. And it makes me want to do all the things. It’s just drinking it at 3am to game all night is not the move. I’m getting old ya’ll.

Continue reading “Monthly Favs | June 2022”

Brain Dump | Back On This BS

I had every intention to write an actual blog post the next time I updated but for some reason I just couldn’t finish any of the blog posts I’d start. I kept censoring myself because ironically in 2022 I learned the luxury of privacy and I’m actual kind of… enjoying it.

I’ve always been a transparent open book; you can’t start rumors or shit talk me because everything you could possibly say is already written in a blog somewhere publicly for anyone to read. It doesn’t stop people from trying though. But those who know me, at all, know that if it were really worth something listening to *I* would had already said something before anyone else and anything outside of that is a rumor and a lie.

My first ex husband and I had a rule: don’t ask, don’t tell.

We were entitled to our privacy and our choice if there was something we really didn’t feel like talking about right then and there. And for a good decade, it worked out really well for us. It taught me however to avoid the truth. I don’t like to lie, ever. And I don’t lie about anything significant. I use to lie a lot growing up and do you know how draining it is to remember lies? I can’t be bothered now as an adult to remember shit like that so I just don’t lie. Plus, again, I’m an open book. What do you want to know? I’ll be happy to tell you. Own who you are. Own your mistakes. Your demons. Your trauma. Cause if you do, that’s a power no one can take from you.

There are a lot of things happening in my life right now that I can not wait to talk about when I finally can/want to. I’ve been reminded just how solid and how loyal my support system is. I have been reminded how much my family cares about me despite “not being close”. They are loyal. They are hands down ride or die’s and they would, no matter how long time has passed, always have my back with whatever I need. No questions, no judgment and no record keeping.

I’m reminded of how much my bff loves me. He’s always been really compassionate and protective over me. And it’s crazy that twenty two years later he’s still just as protective. Just as willing to do whatever he can to make sure I’m okay and taken care of. I don’t know what I did to deserve a friendship like this, but I am beyond thankful for it. I’m mid key thankful he saved my life as kids lol; sometimes I wonder why I even listened to his pleas to make me put the pills down. To get me to go to church. To convince me to keep holding on. I’m truly lucky to have so many people care so much about me. That distance doesn’t matter, I’m never alone. To have people blow up my phone just to make sure I took my meds, I ate today, I filled orders.

My whole gaming set up has been upgraded. The whole thing. The downside is I’m realizing my PC doesn’t have USB 3.0 so I can’t get my capture card to register. So no Nintendo streams until I fix that. But I have been streaming again and I actually streamed a new demo game that I’m pretty excited about. I do need to figure something out about the lighting in my office cause with the webcam it’s not the best. It kind of annoys me. And I need to find speakers because despite having a gaming monitor, it does not have speakers. Make it make sense. I’m planning a relaunch for my shop in August by my one year anniversary. I can’t believe it’s almost been a year!

I need to start getting to work! Hope you are all doing well!

Monday Mindful Manifestation

I’ve been feeling like I’m stuck lately. Like in some weird whack ass limbo space and it’s really starting to get on my nerves. It feels like I’m fighting against a current to just do anything remotely productive.

Maybe I’m just supposed to chill. Maybe I’m just supposed to rest. Plan my next move.

But I’m the type to never rest.

I hate taking naps. I hate wasting a whole day doing nothing. I hate waking up late.

I always feel like I should be doing and achieving more. I feel like there’s so much to learn and see to sleep.

Thinking of this weird space as a setback is also messing with my mental health. I’m spending way too much time worried about why and how did I get here. And not enough time focusing on what to do now. Life is going to keep moving forward, with or without you. Life, time, the universe… it doesn’t wait for anyone.

This week I want to focus on taking better care of myself. Eating better. Sleeping better. Planning out my day better. Once I figure that part out, I can figure out the rest. But for now; the first two really need to be a priority.

What’s something you want to focus on this week?

Brain Dump | This Shi Again

I have a forever pimple on my scalp and it’s really making the left side of my head hurt? I don’t know how to explain it. But I should probably stop fuckin with it. A friend told me recently I need to stop cussing so much in my posts cause it makes it lose its integrity. Fuck that. Freedom of speech mf. Keep scrolling if you’re bothered.

My daily routine of Cherry Cokes have no been replaced with mf Red Bull. So over the last 2 weeks I’ve been at an 8 and my poor cousin has had to suffer while my mind is running a mile a second. But I’ve never felt this awake in years so I’m going to bask in the fact that I’m not some weird underlying type of tired. Why did I stay away from these again?

I’m in a weird limbo state in my life — I want to talk about it but I kind of can’t. But then I don’t think I ever want to talk about it either? It’s such a weird thing. It tests my ability to be transparent and I hate that.\

Me: Ahhh! There’s a CRICKET in the grass!
Thiswae: DO YOU SEE THE RED FLAG ITS HOLDING UP MF?!

Gotta love when my brother refuses to let me escape a subject. Mf. There’s a fine line between coming at someone from a place of empathy and love and just being a straight up controlling bitch. It’s a very fine line. But let’s talk about control. Like what’s up with that? LET PEOPLE BE THEM. At the end of the day, they’ll do whatever tf they want. AS THEY SHOULD BE ABLE TO. Why come into someone’s life just to tell them what to do? Just to mold them into who you want? Go get you a block of clay with that shit.

Jealousy is toxic
Insecurities are toxic

Fite me.

And if you cared about someone you would address this shit and not just go behind their back and not say shit. By all means, do whatever strokes your ego, but don’t be upset when it results in trust being broken. That’s on you. Handle that insecurity or whatever it is before coming to someone. I swear, the older people get, the DUMBER they are. I need to surround myself with people who are TRULY committed to self-improvement, productivity and mf shadow work. I have trauma only works for so long. GET. IT. TOGETHER. Or go find people who are on the same spiritual level as you. Cause the rest of us do not have the patience to do your healing for you.

I think for the rest of May I’m going to work on Marie Condo-ing my entire life. I’ll keep you all updated on how that goes.